Dance performance

[FigaroEscargot]

My DD, 8 yrs has been attending dance session for the past year and this Autumn term. Really enjoys the sessions, street dance so lots of fun.

She was due to perform this evening but got nervous and upset and then didn’t want to - all perfectly okay.

But prior to this we were asked to arrive at 5:30pm and told there might be waiting around for the children so bring snacks/books etc.

Arrived at 5:30pm no one to meet us, usual dance teacher not around.

Told to register upstairs, room full of all the other dancers/adults. I ask if right place member of staff said yes we will register in a bit. There is no one I know, so many kids/adults. None of the adults come and say hello or check in with us.

Sat waiting for 1hour. One 1 other parent had stayed with a little lad who starts getting upset too. We both chat and agree we weren’t told usual teacher wouldn’t be there to greet/encourage kids.

Staff then introduces other adults and groups kids to go over to local park for the show. So random kids assigned to random adults they’ve never met before for a show in the dark and they are wearing costumes. At this point I’m so glad I stayed with my DD, I wouldn’t want her to go with an adult she’s not met before to a chaotic public event.

Usual teacher comes in. Doesn’t say Hi to DD or other little lad. Does practice peformance which DD does. Then the other kids perform and by this point DD is just totally overwhelmed and doesn’t want to do it. Teacher comes and does reassure to say she didn’t have to perform, so we leave and go home.

I feel there was a huge amount of waiting around/lack of support/fun/organisation. I’m so glad I didn’t just drop her off like lots of parents had done. I understand about the nerves but the build up to the show was so badly disorganised without little thought for a good experience for the kids. I’ve come away just feeling really upset for DD on what could’ve been at least a fun rehearsal time even if she didn’t want to go on stage.

I know I’m not being unreasonable in feeling like this. But is this what dance shows/events are like? Would you say something?

I'm sorry but I think you're being very precious.

You were told in advance that there would be some waiting around and to bring books/snacks, so I'm a bit confused as to why you were surprised/unhappy when this is what happened? I wouldn't expect the teacher to be there if there were other adults assigned to be there - teacher probably had jobs to do over at the park/with organisers. Also wouldn't expect the teacher to specifically say hi to my child! Dance is a fabulous hobby for kids imo but generally you'd expect some hanging about. Why not offer to help the teacher to make the pre-show experience a bit smoother? At my kids dance school, lots of mums help chaperone a bit more formally than you've described?

Sounds fairly typical for a dance show. Chaperones allocated, lots of waiting around.

This sounds entirely standard for dance shows. I suggest you speak to other parents with more experience as to how normal this is.

I help out with DD’s dance performances as a chaperone. The dance teachers are running around and sorting things out with the performance so aren’t there to help with the registering and supervision. Inevitably there is waiting around. The main difference is it is made clear it is chaperones will be looking after the dancers in the letters that go home first. DD actually enjoys the waiting around as she gets to spend time with her dance friends. Yes the dancers are expected to go with adults they’ve not met before, there is no way as chaperones we have time to meet parents and dancers.

Why would you daughter do a rehearsal if she didn't want to perform? The run up to a show is not a place to "at least have some fun", it's to ensure that everything runs smoothly on stage. Sorry, I agree that you were being precious. 8 yo is old enough to be grown up about such commitments and follow the rules.

The dance teacher couldn't be in two places at once though? I think chaperones are very normal- they are round here

I agree with all the others. This is absolutely the norm and it sounds like you weren’t prepared at all for this. I also agree that dance might not be for your daughter if she refuses to perform after a year of training and going through the rehearsals.
Very precious over an 8 year old, sorry.

Agree with others, this is normal especially for an outdoor show such as a carnival. Meet in a hall in utter chaos, have a rehearsal and move to show location to perform. But, our dance school has a minimum age of 10 for evening performances for this reason. The daytime session such as food festivals are open to all.

The actual formal show is more organised but still ran by volunteers. The dance teachers are busy running the show.

YABU

the only bit I’m surprised at is that you were allowed to stay. At every chaperoned show I’ve been involved with parents aren’t allowed backstage or in dressing rooms.

You were told there would be waiting around. I suspect that having you there getting wound up probably also made DD get wound up, whereas if you’d give she could’ve played with her friends while they waited, which would’ve distracted her from any nerves

We are not allowed backstage at the big show in a theatre. You sign in at the door and that's that. But for informal events we can stay if we wish. (I don't as its noisy and I have my other children with me).

For a public show there will be designated licensed chaperones and dbs registered helpers. It sounds as if you are not used to the backstage and rehearsal schedule and felt overwhelmed, let alone your dd. Presumably your dd knew some of the other dancers and had her snacks/book so you should have registered her and left.

Sorry OP but as someone who has been involved with shows involving lots of children this seems pretty standard. I mean this kindly but if you daughter gets so anxious perhaps she should just do the classes and not the shows for the moment, dropping out last minute could cause a lot of issues if she had a major part, which could cause frustration for the others involved and make your daughter even more anxious.

I am not sure why you expected any of the adults to come and check in with you or why you think the dance teacher should have specifically say hello to your DD and another child.
To be honest you and the other mum sitting there having a moan about the usual teacher not being there was probably picked up on by your daughter and added to her nerves.
The best thing you could have done was drop her off and let her enjoy time with her friends before the show then gone and watched it.
I really don't think dance is for you if you are this precious about it.

One of mine swam competitively at that age and you just dropped them off at the pool and went to watch, or if an away meet you dropped them at the pick up point for the mini bus. There would be hours of hanging around reading etc.

Dropping her off with no adults that I know, no adults that she knew. Walking her in the dark on Halloween with unknown adults, I bet that they wouldn’t even be able to describe her.

Very true I’m not used to this at all!

Also to add I’m not taking her out of the dance sessions. She enjoys dancing just not the chaos! Thanks for describing what these performances can be like though.

I’m a chaperone/back stage helper at my kids dance shows and this sounds very typical.

The kids who’s parents drop and run always are fine, it’s the ones who hang around that cause their kids to become clingy and not want to perform. Sorry but you’ve not helped your child in this situation.