People who present as lovely but exchange bitchy gossip

[Pitterpatterpettysteps]

Does this bother anyone else? I know a couple of people like this, both are really former friends - because I find their fraudulent personas too much to bear. But both are very popular and outgoing and really present for all the world as incredibly kind, nurturing & empathetic etc Both have loyal followers on Facebook.
But they are completely two faced and say quite spiteful things behind people’s backs. The apparent contradiction really troubles me.

Is this common? Or is it a personality disorder of some sort?

• I,on the other hand..

I dont associate with these people, ever. Not even out of politeness.

I find it happens when they aren’t getting the information they want.
I got very popular when my friend had cancer.
Vultures

I think it describes most women.

I agree largely with @Carabello

Sometimes it's healthy to get things off your chest

I was bullied at work for 4 months by a colleague and the first thing the boss said was "why didn't you say something sooner"

And it was because, until it escalated, a lot of what she did was petty and I didn't want to look like I was just being bitchy

Where I work, the men and women are like this. I can't stand it.

I have 2 colleagues that I enjoy working with and are genuinely nice. Luckily we work together and are friends outside of work. The rest, just urgh. They all talk about each other but are lovely to each others faces.

I am like the 3 wise monkeys and keep absolutely schtum.

It's a toxic environment, but the money and perks are good, so I put up and shut up and leave everything at work.

The good thing about them is you often figure it out quickly. The best way is to stay pleasant, but be careful what you share with him.

*them not him

Yes it's common, probably the norm now actually I'd guess. I binned a friend who was like this. Super popular, funny and great company but bitched about all her other friends and family constantly.

The penny dropped when she was not supportive of me, it was all about her all the time and I realised she was undoubtedly bitching about me to them too.

Fake people are popular. Personally I'd rather be real than a fake character but others seem drawn to this type. Give me a dog any day

I have a colleague who is SO indiscreet
But it’s useful intel but I try (and fail ) not to tell her anything

I know a few like that locally.

Admin a local Facebook group. All smiles and sweetness on the surface but it is all for public show. I am quite surprised how few people see through it. I am quite a deep thinker and when something jarrs - it keeps jarring until I work out why.

I have stepped away from those groups. Just horrid two-faced bitchery. Seems to be mostly intelligent women who dont work. A proper job or volunteering would sort a lot of that nonsense out.

Personally I apply two rules with people whom I suspect will gossip: avoid their company if humanly possible, don’t disclose to them anything I wouldn’t feel comfortable being shared. I realise it’s a sign of insecurity to gossip like this, but it also undermines women in general as it’s viewed as ‘bitchiness’ and normal for women. Always beware the person being nice as pie to you whilst explaining how hurt they’ve been by the behaviour of another friend and giving you every detail. They will be saying the same about you. Happened to me recently and the person in question ended the friendship with me, having decided I was now the bad guy. I’d never trust her again!

I am quite a deep thinker and when something jarrs - it keeps jarring until I work out why.

I think this is it for me as well

One of the people I know who is like this is just so effusive and so immensely popular. Their public persona is completely OTT kind and generous, and to be fair, they really do do a lot for others - nothing is too much trouble. And people talk about them as though they were some sort of saint. When I first met them, I thought they were wonderful. It was after a few weeks that I noticed this other side and it made me uncomfortable because I make a point of avoiding gossip.
Since then, I have watched from a safe distance as they have fallen out with a string of BFFs and employees, all the while gathering further crowds of friends and followers..

Perhaps we are all just flawed and if a person does good as well as being a bit too faced it just cancels itself out.

I suppose I am just confused when I buy into the initial persona and then realise things aren't quite as they seem.