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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nightmare neighbour

30 replies

Tennis82 · 31/10/2019 12:46

OK so bear with me please.

I live in the middle of a 3 bungalow terrace. I have elderly neighbours either side of me. The one couple are lovely, they're delightfully eccentric.

The elderly lady the other side has a serious OCD problem. She is absolutely obsessive about cleaning and everything being perfect. I recently had a conservatory built and she sent her daughter round to demand the builders insurance details for "when they cause damage to her property" despite it not affecting her in any way. The builder got into trouble for getting water on her drive, she made him wash off her entire drive.

More recently she is obsessing about the leaves. She was out in the cold at 22:00 the other night picking up the 3 leaves on the drive. Seriously she won't have even a single leaf on her drive. As soon as a petal withers in the garden the whole plant is replaced. I have no trees at the front of my property so I'm not to blame for the leaves falling.

She now has a big vacuum thing for sucking the leaves up. She's been out twice this week already with it. Today she was leaning over the fence and was vacuuming the leaves from the edge of my drive. There aren't many and I love autumn leaves. There is a little hedgehog that snuffles through the leaves in the evening which is adorable.

I went out and asked her to stop clearing leaves from my drive, I said they weren't bothering me in the slightest. She replied saying she was bothered by them and didn't want to get them up when they blow onto her drive. If she drops that vacuum thing it will damage my car and I really don't want her to interfere with my property at all. What would you advise?

By the way, both properties are privately owned.

OP posts:
MrsMaiselsMuff · 31/10/2019 12:49

Not really a nightmare is she?

TheReluctantCountess · 31/10/2019 12:50

Leave her to it.

thepeopleversuswork · 31/10/2019 12:51

I sympathise OP: I have a neighbour very similar to this who sends me aggressive and emails every time I run the hot water in my flat alleging that its causing her "great distress".

I recommend not engaging at all -- people like this love a row and thrive on feeling like victims. If you fail to respond they eventually get bored.

BiBiBirdie · 31/10/2019 12:51

Tell her to stop trespassing and warn her that if she refuses you will call the Police.
Of course, you won't call them, that would be daft, but people of her generation tend to crap their pants at the idea of Police at their door.
What a daft old woman

SirVixofVixHall · 31/10/2019 12:55

She can’t clear leaves from your property ! Her own is her business, but yours, no. Tell her absolutely no. That you appreciate she hates the leaves, but you love them, so you both do different things with your individual houses.
I have a leaf hoovering neighbour. All the power used, when the planet is going into meltdown, to move a few leaves. Seems bonkers to me, I love Autumn. Thankfully she is nice and doesn’t venture into my leaf-filled garden.

GinGeum · 31/10/2019 12:56

I have a neighbour who goes out with his leaf blower at least once a day. He often clears the leaves off our driveway. I'm grateful to be honest! Wouldn't really want to encourage hedgehogs somewhere a car regularly drives on.

longwayoff · 31/10/2019 12:57

Haven't you got any thing better to do? You have said she has a problem, OCD, leave her alone and ignore it. Looking for problems.

MzHz · 31/10/2019 12:59

If she is on your property again, go and tell her that you will not allow her to access your property for any purpose and if she doesn’t leave immediately you will call the police and she will end up with an ASBO

You are going to be a bit forceful on this issue.

HUZZAH212 · 31/10/2019 12:59

As soon as a petal withers the whole plant is replaced... Would that be a slight over exaggeration by any chance?

Original poster
Tennis82 · 31/10/2019 13:04

@HUZZAH212 absolutely not an exaggeration. Everything has to be perfect.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 31/10/2019 13:08

Ignore what she does on her own property, that's not your business unless it disturbs your peace (like using the leaf blower at 3 am or whatever).

However, I don't think you should ignore anything that happens on your property. Next time, tell (not 'ask') her plainly to stop vacuuming on your side of the fence, and that if she damages anything you will hold her legally and financially responsible.

Honestly, I don't know if it would be considered trespass if she's just leaning over the fence (as opposed to standing on your property). Maybe worth finding out for the future, though. Can you raise the fence or plant something to make it difficult for her to reach over without impeding the view of traffic?

Do you know that she has OCD (which is a diagnosable condition) or are you just using that term to describe what you feel is OTT behaviour?

FrancisCrawford · 31/10/2019 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tennis82 · 31/10/2019 13:17

@MrsMaiselsMuff she is a nightmare though, you should try living next door to her. She starts cleaning at 6am every morning, her visitors block my drive as she doesn't like having cars on her drive.

Despite me cancelling the window cleaner who she has come every 2 week's to do hers and a few other houses, she overrode my request and had him do my windows, she paid and then gave me the bill.

I've now spoken to the window cleaner and to her to say I do not want my windows cleaned over the winter. When I decide to have them done again it will be every 6 weeks.

OP posts:
TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 31/10/2019 13:22

Tell don't ask her each time to stop, as her actions are having a bad affect on the environment/causing you mental distress/upsetting your hedgehog. If all else fails, wait until she's hoovered and turned her back and throw a few more leaves onto her drive Grin.

Original poster
Tennis82 · 31/10/2019 13:24

@AcrossthePond55 I agree, she can do whatever she wants on her property.

The fencing is wrought iron so not easy to modify. I have noticed that her side of the fence there is a 3 in strip of metal running the length of the driveway at the bottom of the fence so actually the leaves were trapped against that and wouldn't have blown onto her drive anyway. A couple of other neighbours said about her having OCD, although I'm not 100% sure about a formal medical diagnosis.

OP posts:
custardbear · 31/10/2019 13:27

She's got too much time on her hands!

Tell her she's ruining your wildlife and she needs to keep off your property

The windows thing, I would have told her to bugger off - how dare she !!! 🤬

Original poster
Tennis82 · 31/10/2019 13:27

@TheRobinIsBobbingAlong one of my friends suggested placing leaves on her drive but I could never do that.

I'm a full time wheelchair user and when I moved in she was horrified that I was someone with a disability living on my own. She even asked my parents if it was a sensible thing me living alone.

OP posts:
MythicalBiologicalFennel · 31/10/2019 13:34

OMG the drive parking thing and the window cleaning were raising my blood pressure as I read Shock

This reminds me of my MIL... a mixture of boredom, wanting to control things and a supreme confidence that everything they do and think is The Right Thing and they are doing you a favour by pointing out the error of your ways. I have to be very firm with her.

AcrossthePond55 · 31/10/2019 13:52

So I assume she blows the leaves by pointing the blower through the fence? Do you know where the fence is re boundary lines? If it's on your side I expect you could plant a trailing vine on it so she couldn't blow through it or better yet, plant a hedge if there's room. It'd be a lot harder for her to heft a leaf blower over the top of a hedge and then point it down to blow, even a 3 foot one. I guess I'm thinking along the lines of 'a ounce of prevention, etc etc'. Easier to just make it very difficult to carry on rather than to have a protracted battle trying to get her to stop.

OCD has become a 'throwaway term' used to describe people whose behaviour seems OTT to others. But it's a mental health condition that has very serious and life altering symptoms. It's not a term to be bandied about as a catch-phrase. I'm not trying to 'shame' you, it's commonly used. But if people had ever been around someone who truly has OCD, they'd be more careful about using that term casually.

PinkpompomDaisy · 31/10/2019 14:18

I’d love her to come to my house, but be polite and friendly as you can 😂😂

custardbear · 31/10/2019 14:18

@AcrossthePond55 - the OP clearly says the neighbour is leaning across the fence, so is intruding basically, and she's scared her car will get damaged

PinkpompomDaisy · 31/10/2019 14:20

Oh sorry, she is being a pain, grin and bear as much as you can, as when you get these older folks riled up, they never stop
( tea bags in alleyway etc)

AcrossthePond55 · 31/10/2019 17:03

@custardbear

Got it. Thanks for correcting me.

Peanutbutterforever · 31/10/2019 19:23

You shouldn't need to, but could you put, even temporarily, trellis up your fence so that she cannot lean over?

HighNetGirth · 31/10/2019 19:32

My mother’s neighbour has annoyed my mother by marching into the front garden to trim some plants that neighbour thought were overgrown. And was not best pleased when politely told that my mother will look after her own property so neighbour is not to take over. Don’t bother arguing about the leaves, just emphasise that you WILL have autonomy and control over your own property.