AIBU to not want DS to spend time alone with my EX-FIL

[Kiki92]

DH and I aren't together anymore. He packed up and cleared off 6 months ago. He doesn't see DS (18 months) and he's made it clear that he won't be. I still make sure that DS spends time with his paternal grandparents however.

Every other weekend we spend time with my ex-FIL. For the most part it's fine, but he's terribly backward in his thinking and it concerns me.. He makes A LOT of racist, sexist, homophobic comments... Last weekend I was showing him photos I'd taken of DS recently. He said "That'll be one to show his girlfriends when he's older." I responded with "Or his boyfriends." FIL scowled at me and begun a rant about how he wouldn't want a gay grandchild... During his visit he also had a rant about "those goddamn immigrants".

Comments like this aren't in isolation.. DS loves to play with dolls and this disgusts FIL. DS is also having a play kitchen for Christmas, which I've been informed is "inappropriate, because it's a girl's toy. Boys should play with cars and balls."

Currently I'm always there when DS sees his grandad and I cope with that. I'm able to challenge him when he makes his backwards comments... Ex-FIL however, is desperate to spend alone time with DS however, and this makes me wary.

I know that DS is too young to be aware of the hateful comments, but it won't be long until he is.. I'm raising him to be tolerant and liberal. Ex-FIL's beliefs are damaging and I don't want them drip-fed to DS.

So, AIBU in currently refusing the alone-time that ex-FIL craves?

Yet she showed both me and my kids ... nothing but love

But there's nothing to suggest that the little boy here isn't going to continue to hear hurtful insults, so the situation isn't at all the same.

OP has said that her toddler's normal behaviour disgusts his grandfather - there's no grey area there!

Personally I would cut contact, if for whatever reason you don't want to, arm yourself with responses, that wont start an argument. For example when he mentions the play kitchen again point out that on average the majority of chefs in kitchen environments are male. He can't argue that as it is a fact. It will shut him down.
If he comments on the baby dolls, just say well he will be a dad someday. You don't need to add the gay aspect.
The next time he turns around and says no grandchild of mine will be gay, just tell him that what will be will be, you will love you DS either way and that your ex-FIL is welcome to stop seeing your DS if he doesn't like it.
Do NOT under any circumstances let him have unsupervised access to your DS.
When he makes comments don't rise to it, correct you DS as needed and continue to teach him as you are doing, he will probably refuse to see his GF as he gets older and understands better.

Fair point, Three

I still make sure that DS spends time with his paternal grandparents however... Every other weekend we spend time with my ex-FIL......he's terribly backward in his thinking and it concerns me.. He makes A LOT of racist, sexist, homophobic comments.....Ex-FIL's beliefs are damaging and I don't want them drip-fed to DS

So you've decided that it's a good idea for your child to build a relationship with a racist, homophobic and abusive person just because they share some dna?

If you keep up with the regular contact and allow your child to build a 'close' relationship with FIL....then don't be surprised if he uses (Grandparents Rights) that as evidence to get court arranged contact/overnights if/when you don't give in to him.

What exactly is your DC getting out of having a racist and homophobic twat in his life?

Instead of spouting off all this rubbish about how he doesn't approve of gay people and immigrants maybe he should be turning his anger to his useful nasty twat of a son who refuses to have anything to do with his own little child

There's some food for thought here. Thank you, all.

I think I've maintained contact because I've felt so awful about DS's dad walking out and I didn't want to decrease his family circle even more... A lot of you are right though. Ex-FIL IS toxic and I don't want someone like that in DS's life. You're right...

I needed your input. I didn't know if my thoughts were unreasonable. Thank you!!

Why are you exposing your DS to this?

Give him a ultimatum, he either stops with his bigoted comments around your son or he doesn't see him anymore.

Also tell him to stop been such a judgemental dick about your parenting, he hasn't got a leg to stand on, he obviously didn't raise his own selfish git of a son very well so has no place to be commenting on your (correct) parenting.