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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13 year old trick or treating without parents.

50 replies

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 31/10/2019 09:31

Never had a 13 year old before (pfb) so no idea what I'm doing.

He's 13 (JUST!) and wants to go trick or treating with his friends. He usually has to be home before it's dark.

DH is taking the other DC out about 6.30 but 13 yo DC wants to go out at 5pm with his friends because that's what time they are going.
Funnily enough they are the year above so a year older. This is a constant bone of contention.

He says I'm being over protective.

He didn't have to trick and treat with DH, just arrive with DH, go off with his friends and meet DH back and get a lift home safely.
It's the the to and from home part I'm worried about mostly. Busy roads, darkness and not much common sense....

OP posts:

Original poster

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 31/10/2019 10:34

Could you take him to the area and pick him back up? yes. This is what I've been saying all along but he's sulking about it.

My 10 year old is fantastic crossing roads

So we my son when he was 10. Now he's a show off in front of his friends and that's how he'll get squashed.

It's not just him, I live next to the secondary school, boys are terrible for it. Especially when in groups.

OP posts:

FudgeBrownie2019 · 31/10/2019 10:35

No, then.

I'd tell him the only way he can go trick or treating is if you walk alongside and hold his hand each time he crosses a road. He'll sort his cockiness out pretty quickly.

heartsonacake · 31/10/2019 10:38

YABU and holding onto the leash too tightly. You can’t hold his hand forever and he needs to learn to function independently from you.

There’s no point him going out with your DH at 6.30pm if his friends are going at 5pm; they’ll be done and dusted way before your DH even gets there.

You have three choices:
a) take him yourself
b) get DH to go at 5pm instead of 6.30pm
c) trust your son and allow him to learn some responsibility

StroppyWoman · 31/10/2019 10:40

I find it a lot weirder that your 13yo can’t cross the road than asking about trick or treating.

implantsandaDyson · 31/10/2019 10:42

Tbh at 13 he should be more than capable of being out after dark. I have a 14 and 12 year old, it's dark from around 4.45 here now. They get their own way home from school, sometimes they stay a bit later for clubs etc. They call round for friends and come home from friends a few streets away. They cross a busy road to get to a shopping centre near us, get the bus at 6ish to go to the cinema/ swimming.

I know he's dicking about on the roads and that makes it more difficult but I can't really imagine a 13 year old that can't go out at 5pm. Surely he's in secondary school at 13.

firawla · 31/10/2019 10:42

I think he should be fine, if you’re worried about roads I would try to get him to have some glow sticks or something rather than being in plain black for example?

Mammyloveswine · 31/10/2019 10:43

I think 13 is far too old to go trick or treating, unless taking a younger sibling!

SuperFurryDoggy · 31/10/2019 10:44

I don’t think it’s a question of “how old” but “how sensible”. Also what the area/roads are like.

DS is 11 and very cautious and road-aware. The roads he’ll be on have very little through-traffic and a 20mph speed limit and will be absolutely full of parents and children all walking around. It’s a small village and everyone knows everyone! This will be the first time he’s been out alone after dark, but he’ll be with a similarly sensible friend.

If his road-awareness declines between now and next Halloween I would revoke that privilege!

Andysbestadventure · 31/10/2019 10:45

13yr olds shouldnt be trick or treating unless they're supervising younger kids. Neither should 15yr olds. He wants to go out and fuck about.

OrchidInTheSun · 31/10/2019 10:46

Cars are easier to see in the dark. Doesn't he travel to and from school alone?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 31/10/2019 10:46

Too old I think I'd say trick or treating is for 2 to 10 years

HopefullyAnonymous · 31/10/2019 10:50

Another one who thinks the strangest thing about this is a 13yo who can’t be trusted to cross the road! Assuming NT as you’ve not indicated otherwise. Of course a 13yo should be allowed out at tea time without issue. My DS who’s 11 has barely got off the school bus and walked home by that time 🙄

Bluerussian · 31/10/2019 10:51

I have no experience of this because when mine was a teen there was no trick or treating, there still isn't much of it around my area.

However I would think 13 is old enough to go on his own but I do wonder why he wants to, frankly. It's a little kid's 'game'. Certainly a group of young teenagers could be intimidating, however no one has to answer the door.

starfishcoffee · 31/10/2019 10:52

My friends & I went out into the town to trick or treat when we were 13. I remember feeling v grown up & we all had a great time. Not a great area, so in your circumstances I think I'd definitely say yes.

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/10/2019 10:52

If he can’t be bothered to cross the road properly then he shouldn’t go out by himself at all. Being 13 doesn’t entitle him to privileges if he’s irresponsible. As for the trick or treating issue - I personally wouldn’t open the door to unaccompanied teenagers and know plenty of people who wouldn’t in our nice area. Is he aware that he’s risking potentially returning with nothing if he doesn’t go with his younger siblings?

CheeryB · 31/10/2019 10:53

13 is way too old to be trick or treating. If they feel too old to have a parent with them, they're too old to be doing it.

iamruth · 31/10/2019 10:53

I find the weirdest thing here is that you are planning to drive your children elsewhere to go trick or treating, why not just walk around where you actually live?

TotHappy · 31/10/2019 10:56

Yeah he needs to get over it op. Theoretically there's nothing wrong with a 13 yo being out between 5 and 7 or 8pm in winter, but since THIS 13 yo has a track record of being a tool on the roads, and it will be dark and there are busy roads, he'll have to get the lift/supervision or not go. Tell him the reason why. It might make him think about his cockiness and showing off.

I know just what you mean about groups of teenage boys, round here they will often see a car approaching and push each other into the car for a laugh. Haha. I don't think so.

TotHappy · 31/10/2019 10:58

Into the road I meant

Ohyesiam · 31/10/2019 11:00

Stick to your guns and give him a lift. If he’s to cocky to take care these are the consequences.

The only reason my 12 yo ds is allowed out with his friends tonight is because he toes the line through fear of getting into trouble , and they are friendships he’s has since he was 4.
A nd still I’ve done a bit of anxious messaging with some of the other mums about the ground rules, which are stick together , no masks ( two of them are really tall and it’s intimidating if you open the door to masks) and phones on.
Slightly dodge area, but close to home.

Userzzzzz · 31/10/2019 11:03

I know people have been answering the how old is too old but it’s sort of part of the issue. Yours is old (probably too old) but prone to silliness and being cocky in a group. You’ve got two issues to think about. One is whether he is going to be safe but also whether he is going to be sensible and not take the piss and annoy people especially as you’re going out of area. One of the reasons people don’t like teens trick or treating is that it doesn’t tend to be 7 year olds that egg cars or do some of the other antisocial behaviour.

AlmostChristmas2019 · 31/10/2019 11:14

The road crossing is an issue. Can you just pop some reflective lights on whatever he plans to wear? Maybe turn that into a costume theme? Have you unpacked the Christmas lights yet? This might be the right time! I'm only half-joking here.

Honestly, I find teenage trick or treaters endearing. One of the few times that "treat me like an adult, mum!!!"-teenagers are perfectly okay to be treated like children. Antisocial behaviour left aside, of course, but I'd put them in their place over that anytime of the year, whether they are high on sugar or not.

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 31/10/2019 11:16

Is 13 old enough to play out on their own?

Yes, unless he has learning difficulties or some other major issue that has stunted his development?

LittleMissMe99 · 31/10/2019 11:17

My daughter is almost 13 and going with her friends. I will meet her when it's time to come home as I wouldn't want her to walk alone

MRex · 31/10/2019 11:24

I liked the teenager that turned up in a bandana and when I asked where his costume was, he said "I've come a gangster miss" very politely. I've had lots of teenagers pop in over the years and they're never any bother. 13 year olds should also be fine out for a few hours early on with mates. Your only issue is road crossing, I have no idea what you do about that, put him in a toddler harness and get a mate of his to make him be sensible around the roads? Why are they going so far that it needs lifts? Can you drop him off and then he comes back with his dad?

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