WIBU to ignore a standing 6 month old in cot?

[Kayak1]

He's never been a good sleeper. Never slept through (or even close). I was planning to start sleep training method/s after he turned 6 months old.

Except the week he turn 6 months old he learned to stand himself up and now it's all. He. Does.

In his cot he wakes up often and no matter how drowsy and tired, he automatically stands himself up with the cot sides and things until I pick him and get him back to sleep in my arms (I know I've made a rod for my own back but he's my first and no one told me what to do/not do re sleep).

I am getting next to no sleep it's worse than ever.

DH wants me to put cot in other room and let him cry it out. But at 6 months he is so little, and to leave him standing risks him falling, knocking his face or head, etc (these things have happened).

I'm at a loss what to do and it's making me so depressed.

*he stands up and whinges

We're in exactly the same situation, apart from DS sleeps in our bed not his cot, also 6 months. We're going to be trying a gentle form of sleep training soon, but i absolutely refuse to leave him to cry, i personally think it's cruel and awful.
There are loads of methods you can use that aren't damaging to the child like cry it out is.
DS also wakes very frequently, at least 2 hourly, sometimes hourly so I know how you feel about the sleep exhaustion

Put him in a safety sleep

We moved my DD into her own room at 6mths as she would wake if in the room with us. Once moved and got used to going back to sleep with her light mobile she was a great sleeper.

Is he in a sleeping bag? That normally slows them down a bit and makes it harder to stand. Sleep training doesn’t just have to be cry it out (and most people don’t recommend that anyway). Most people reach a point where sleep deprivation drives them crazy.

According to my Dh letting him cry it out is the only solution. Oh and as for myself, I just need to 'try harder' to sleep.

He sleeps in a sleeping bag but even that doesn't stop him. Nothing literally nothing stops him standing.

I've googled til the cows come home but there is so much conflicting advice that I feel in order to. Fully commit to one particular method of sleep training I feel I need a professional sleep trainer to come and help me for our success but mainly to ensure my son is not at risk in any way with him standing etc. (But we have zero money for that kind of thing)

Ds was like that, and was climbing out by 7 month, wearing a sleeping bag.
I decided it was safer to have him in a mattress on the floor, and lie next to him.
When he woke during the night he did then climb into our bed, but it was much better for our sleep.

Sounds like your DH is a supportive delight - what a charmer.

Sleep deprivation is torture, how is he supporting you to rest where you can?

Does baby feed often overnight? Is the room dark? Would co-sleeping (safely) be any easier for you both do you think?

Maybe leave him to winge /cry but stand outside the door to listen he is okay? You would likely hear if he fell. He will probably get bored and lay back down.

Another option, keep going in and lying him back down but leave the room without saying a word?

We had this.
Put him in a travel cot. Seriously. Works a dream. It's not as easy to stand and he'll forget about it soon

No you haven't made a rod for your own back as he's a baby. ( Your 'd'h is an idiot.)

If he's standing you cannot leave him as he will try to climb out and then fall.

Either put him on a mattress on the floor or co-sleep.

I had this with my twins when they started standing, a bit older for them as they were prem but from what I understand it’s a good sign from a developmental perspective - but good God is it tiring and stressful. There is a sleep regression at 6 months from what I remember reading and my HV said usually when a new skill is gained or if your DC is approaching a new developmental leap, their sleep can become quite interrupted.

Also at 6 months they might have their first sensations of understanding you and they are in fact, separate beings and this can lead to a phase of separation anxiety.

I had to do sleep training with mine for my own sanity. Not crying it out though.

Firstly in their own room, this will set you back a bit whilst they get used to being in their own room. Introducing them to it in a way that makes it fun and comfortable for them so they get familiar with the room in a positive way.

Then, if little one whines, don’t go in, they may just have a bit of a whine and then settle back down - DS did this as he was standing automatically with no conscious decision to do so whilst asleep and the motion woke him up. He’d make a few little noises of general grumpiness and then settle back down. On occasions where he immediately started crying I went in straight away, picked him up and cuddled, but didn’t move away from his cot (unless he needed a nappy change of course) and then placed him back, this would cause him to get upset again so then I would place a hand in with him, resting on his stomach so he knew I was still there. Then after 10 or so minutes I’d tell him “time for sleep now” and leave the room. Stand outside with the door closed and wait for if he would settle.

Now sometimes he’d shout out when I was leaving the room but unless it was full on wailing I would resist the urge to go back to him and stand outside of the bedroom door.

I’d repeat this as many times as necessary.

DD is a bit different, she has always been such a chatter box so would stand babbling away rather than crying. In those instances I’d only go in if she was loud enough that it might wake her brother or if it became clear she was working herself up.

There are lots of good sleep training methods. Some prefer the ‘vanishing chair’ approach, others might sleep in the babies room with them whilst they get them used to sleeping there.

Also do you have a set routine in place for bedtimes? At 9mo I had to adjust mine to remove bathing (DD hates the bath so in no way soothing for her). I paired it down to nappy change, bottle (in as dark a room as I could manage to see in), sing “you are my sunshine” placing them back into sleeping position several times throughout and then I say goodnight to both and leave the room.

Good luck OP and I hope you find a method that works for you! All I can say is you have to stick to whatever method you choose as best you can, it can take a while for it to embed and there might be times you’re so knackered that you want to rush through the bedtime routine, but stick to it as best you can and

PS Tell your DH to screw off unless he wants to take the front line on sorting your DC for bedtime, if he’s anything like mine was at 6mo, plenty of unhelpful suggestions but little actual input in trying to sort it

You definitely have a bit of a live wire then if standing at 6m even in a sleeping bag but are they in the 0-6 or the 6-18m ones. If the smaller size try the bigger one. Otherwise, there probably isn’t a lot you can do about the standing (other than drink copious amounts of wine). They tend to practice new skills and then get bored. My first was an early walker but she wasn’t standing that early.

You can do lots without a sleep consultant though. Don’t feel you have to spend money to do it. Just try and find a method you’re comfortable trying and give it a go for a few weeks.

I don't think letting them cry it out is ever a good idea. All he will learn is that when he is upset no one comes. He is a baby he's not being manipulative. Try sleep training if you think it will help but that doesn't usually mean just leaving him to cry by himself. Just be aware I don't think it always works and sometimes it only works for a while. Having a baby who won't sleep is exhausting but just keep telling yourself it won't last forever.
Your husband doesn't sound very supportive.

Crying it out is hard/cruel for him and you. but there are other ways to get babies to sleep. Being in his own room will help, hopefully he won’t climb out but none of my 4 ever came to any harm standing in cot and none were climbers thank goodness so you’d need to watch out for signs that he is. When my youngest went into his own room he wasn’t for sleeping at all every time he cried etc I went in Lifted him shhh shhh bed time patted his bottom tucked him in and left, every time until he slept the rest of the night, he always knew I was there and it took 3 nights of sitting outside his cot then his room he was never left to cry and it worked. Obviously not all things work for all babies so try different methods. Your husband sounds a bit like he just wants sleep and that’s it so baby comes last, which is sad they are so tiny to be left to cry and cry without anyone coming to them.

Wouldnt be letting him cry it out at 6 months,hes a baby,his only way of communicating is crying,wouldnt even be putting him in a room alone so young, I would get even less sleep,constantly checking his ok all night.

I just left for 5 mins each time, letting my dd whinge and then just kept going in and lying her down. She soon got it. Took about 3 nights if I remember. I also started putting a board book in there I think, may have been a bit older. That kept her on her bum looking at it and then would lie down and sleep after a bit.

DD (10months) also went through a standing phase from 6-8 months. I would lay her on her back and gently hold her chest down, telling her she needs to lie still to fall asleep. She would whine for a bit but got drowsy if she stayed on her back for 2-5 minutes. Left to her own she'll keep standing up and making herself even more tired but awake. Naptimes were a struggle though, sometimes it took ages before she would nod off.

Starting from 9 months she'd still stand up when she doesn't want to sleep but would get bored and eventually thump back down. I always used a travel cot so she couldn't climb or bang her head against anything.

I just wanted to pop back to thank you for your replies - I have read every one and each has been helpful in its own way particularly your practical advice navisprite so thank you all! I'm feeling a lot more positive now. I really feel like a glass wine tonight to both relax and celebrate my newfound confidence thanks you lovely ladies!