To have said I avoid bars as scared what I might do when drunk

[livinglavidasober]

Hi - name changed as don’t really want to be recognised. I’ve been a bit upset today at a comment made whilst out with friends for dinner last night in response to something I said. I’m a recovering alcoholic, I’ve been sober for nearly 2 years now, and my friends know this. In the past when I drank my boundaries totally collapsed and I felt I lost all control over my behaviour, becoming this awful unstoppable vicious loose cannon. Anyway - last night we were talking about another girl we know of who also tends to ‘make a scene’ when drunk as she can never seem to stop at a few which I totally relate to, this girl slept with somebody she shouldn’t have at a wedding and caused a bit of a scene. I made a comment that this is why I personally don’t drink, because if I was still drinking I’d also still be causing scenes at weddings. ‘Friend’ said ‘but at least you wouldn’t sleep with X because you have a boyfriend’ and I said, actually, no, I wouldn’t put it past myself, hence the decision not to drink. I said I don’t trust myself in those sort of situations where everyone is drunk and this is why I do not drink at all. She said ‘so you’d cheat on your partner if you drank?’ - I said, yes, maybe, that’s my point, and she made a scandalised face and kept going on about it. It’s just upset me a bit as I feel I’ve been made out to be generally untrustworthy or something, when actually what I meant is, YES, I am untrustworthy the minute alcohol hits my system, which is why I just put myself in any situations where I might be tempted.

Does anyone else feel the same way? Ex drinkers /recovering alcoholics maybe would get this more than most, I don’t know?

OP, firstly congratulations on being sober. That’s fantastic. Drunk you is not “real” you and either this woman was being an arsehole on purpose or is just an idiot. I want to say you’re brave but then I also want to say everyone should be this open about alcoholism etc and not make it a thing they should be ashamed of so just a massive well done for saying all of that. I hope she’s sitting playing over her reaction and going “urgh why did I say that”

I hear you OP, have had episodes of very heavy drinking accompanied by self-destructive behaviour, I have a highly addictive make-up and have to be aware of how easily I can spiral out of control, I very rarely drink now and always with safe people, struggling with compulsive eating so there’s always something to contend with, I don’t think non-addicts can understand

Well done for your honesty and sobriety.

I think perhaps only people who are alcoholics or have a close family member of an alcoholic can understand where you are coming from. She is very lucky not to have experience of this but didn’t get so lucky when they were handing out the ability to empathise.

Yay 2 years
Your friend is not very clever.

Everyone is different, my tolerance to alcohol is so low that two drinks would make me tipsy but three would push me into a stupor.

Fortunately, I don’t really like the taste of alcohol and rarely go past two because I’d find it difficult to keep consuming something I really don’t like the taste of.

She sounds very immature and naive. When she grows up and gains some empathy I think she will look back and be embarrassed at her reaction to your brave, self-aware and honest admission.

Thank you all. I’m so glad to feel understood on here, really thought there might be a lot of ‘’ faces aimed at me! Xxx

I think that people who think like that have no coping strategies, so when things go bad for them they don't manage as well as they believe they would.

I can relate OP. Also congratulations on being sober. I'm not an alcoholic but had issues with knowing my limits when younger. I would blackout and not know what I was doing/where I was going. So dangerous!! Many times I got my self into situations and cried the next day because I was such a bad mess. Now however I hate the feeling of being drunk, I hardly drink alcohol at all. Also it makes me pretty depressed so I avoid it. So I totally get what you meant because if my blackout situations i wouldn't have trusted me either

I don't want to compare it to alcoholism as that's obviously a different level (well done on your sobriety!) but I am this kind of drunk. Your description of an unstoppable canon ball is uncanny. I become this impulsive insane obnoxious person. I don't drink at home at all but binge drink on work nights out etc. Recipe for disaster so I decided to stop entirely.

I can relate to what you're saying and don't think it warrant judgement at all. You're saying you don't drink for that reason, not that you're completely in support of this girls choices.

I was a shockingly hard drinker between my marriages...in a profession where it was seen as normal...and I made some very bad decisions including a string of one night stands. The last one became my 2nd dh and as we became more involved with each other, the partying stopped. We both see drinking as a social thing and with 3 children, rarely drink at all now. It sounds melodramatic but I honestly think it saved me.. and he says the same.
I totally get where you're coming from and think you are honest and brave. Your friend just doesn't understand.