Friend pregnant - super happy - teensy bit want one too?!

[LilyPinkNoah]

So ladies - sort my head out.

I don't actually WANT another baby - well I think if I had problem free pregnancies, no health issues - if I didn't already have two healthy kids...then there would be a good reason to have another baby...I just feel like I want another one if other friends get pregnant.

I feel happy for them but feel like I'm last chance saloon (39) but for lots of reasons - my health mainly - my sanity - my mental health (always get PND) .... age difference (youngest would almost be 6 if I had another) I just think I shouldn't.

Head says no heart says yes - friend just announces 3rd pregnancy... and now I want one!! Aibu? I know I am - sort me out Mnetters!

your OP does a perfect job of listing the reasons why you shouldn't, it seems really comprehensive.

God this is me.

I’m okay until a friend had one. Then I’m desperate.

I don’t think I’ll ever be finished wanting babies but I know I can’t have any more for so many reasons.....

It’s hard isn’t it? X

Oh I know the OP says it all...but who controls the heart? (And my aged ovaries requesting the fertilisation of my last eggs)!

what would you regret more?

never trying?

i know id want more than one.
i love my child more than life, i am not great with other peoples kids, but whenever i see a pregnancy announcement i am the same.

have the baby

what would you regret more?

never trying?

i know id want more than one.
i love my child more than life, i am not great with other peoples kids, but whenever i see a pregnancy announcement i am the same.

have the baby

I have 2.... it should be enough.

I agree - do what you feel is honestly right for you OPN- I personally wouldn't overanalyse age gaps - they can be a good thing imo

Damn evolution! I get a tiny bit jealous of pregnant friends it's ridiculous. Luckily for me I'm immune to that for now as currently pregnant, but know it will start again after dc2 is born. Definitely evolutionary biology!

God I only have one and all my friends are having their second. I kind of think omg cute I would love another and then I think oh god noooo the up all night feeding etc and I just couldn't deal with it again.

It’s not necessarily head vs heart, hormones could be a factor too!

You don’t mention some important considerations, eg your relationship, money, work, how you found parenting small DC, attitude about risk, eg of miscarriage.

I originally wanted three DC but this wasn’t possible for fertility reasons, am fine with it, and DH thinks a third would have been difficult for us for a number of the reasons above. do get a strong hormonal reaction to cute babies, also enjoy having older DC and getting sleep, working FT and some time for myself!

I had all my babies 10 years earlier than friends -they've all had them in the past two years and I have wanted to lunge in and grab friends' babies out of their arms, they're so glowy and perfect....
But, I have one child with SEN. As I age, the chances increase that I'd have another. It's not fair on the two I have, to run myself that ragged again, and to set us back because "oh, the baby has to sleep" or "no, we can't afford that, we'd need a bigger car/hotel room/tent".... Plus, my career is just picking up.

I wouldn't. I really wouldn't.

I have 4 and would have to be clinically insane to have another, but it didn't stop my body desperately screaming at me to get pregnant for the last three years.

I'm 42 now and it seems to be calming down a bit. Bloody hormones 😂

I strongly believe that some women get really broody when women announce pregnancies or someone has a new baby, so much so that you can feel like you want another. I have 3 and although I know that I'm done, the immense urge and rush of utter jealousy when I saw a school mum with her new baby. I think my ovaries exploded.

I really wanted 3 and we had 3. Honestly, I wouldn't change it for the world but we had no idea what we were in for 😁. It's not easy.

I used to always feel like this and it was like a pressing need that wouldn't go away until I had the baby. I had my fourth and was sterilised. I was done and now I see babies and think they're cute but I feel glad I'm not having anymore. I think you're possibly not " done" yet so consider having another if that's what you want.

I think it is a biological thing. I 'knew' that having a mother after my second was not the right thing for me or our family. Despite that I still used to get a physical ache when a friend was pregnant or I heard that new baby cry when out. My physical need for a third didn't fade for about 10 years, took a long while for my body to catch up with my mind.

I don't get like this but my friends towards the end of the pregnancies are very off putting!

I still get the desire to have another baby. Pregnancy. No way. I had to work on my mental health a lot to reconcile with only being able to carry one child - through ivf. I was too ill and my body ruined from pregnancy. I get it, I really do. And now I can’t anyway as I had to have a hysterectomy. The uterus I had obviously for a long time was totally fucked and never would have carried another baby even 10 years ago.

You make a really good case for not having another. Even though you desparately do. Maybe get a bit of therapy if you can. It will be far cheaper than another child over the long run.

Health wise I have tough pregnancies but tolerable.

Both my babies were special care in fact the first intensive care and both full term - respiratory distress.

Fertility - conceived first time with both but I was 30 with the first and 34 with the second.

Career - I was a SAHM mum for 4 years - really stifled my career. I am back in the thick of it work wise love my work but my boss is a narcissistic bully.

Relationship - well now I'm doubting having another baby - mainly based on this. .. find myself arguing lots with my H. I'm anxious and irritable - throw a newborn in to the mix.. not sure we could cope. He's in a high pressured recruitment role that he actually wants to get out of.

Financially we could cope - would need a bigger car - can do it with our current house. Local State schools are amazing.

It's definitely hormones - I expect I just want to be pregnant - to feel valued again. Not getting it in my relationship so maybe looking for it elsewhere.

Just turned 39 so really is my last chance.

Aww, OP you seem like you don't want a baby, precisely, you just want something special, and to feel special, and to have something to look forward to....
What could you do for yourself? Something nice? You deserve it!

Yes maybe that's it - I feel I need a lot of love. I lost my father at a young age and he was the most loving of both my parents.

I grew up with a lot of love - I feel like I have a lot of love to give. But I am older, tired, gaining back my old career - pregnancy wouldn't be the right move. In my heart though I know that I do really want another child. It does often feel empty.