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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask you how bad this is... (trigger warning)

25 replies

FuckBalls · 30/10/2019 17:07

Hi all,

I need some reassurance. BIL and SIL and I don't really get on. We are civil to each other but there is a long and boring back story. Their baby is unwell in hospital, so I sent them a gift yesterday (that will arrive tomorrow) with the gift msg 'thinking of you'. They found out today that the baby is very poorly and are braced for the worst. I've just run cold, realising that 'thinking of you' is what you say when someone dies! I don't want them to think I'm writing her off before anything has happened. We have fingers and toes crossed that she will get better!

What would you think if you received a gift, with that msg, in this situation?

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 30/10/2019 17:09

It’s fine, thinking of you is appropriate for any tough situation. Don’t over think it!

Robs20 · 30/10/2019 17:11

What is the gift? Unless it included a sympathy card, I wouldn’t overthink it tbh. My cousin in Australia sent a gift to my dd when she was in hospital with a minor illness. She went downhill in the space of a couple of hours and died before it arrived. Cousin was mortified but in the grand scheme of things, it was the least of my worries at the time.
I really hope your niece pulls through.

Batshittery · 30/10/2019 17:12

I think that message is fine OP.It wouldn't occur to me that it was something that could only be said when someone had died.

SnuggyBuggy · 30/10/2019 17:12

I don't think "thinking of you" is just for bereaved people. It's a perfectly good expression for someone going through a difficult time of any sort.

Original poster

FuckBalls · 30/10/2019 17:14

Thank you! I wouldn't normally worry about it, but our relationship is so dodgy! I don't want them to think it means anything other than that we are thinking of them.... because we are! It's an awful thing for them to go through!

OP posts:

RedSheep73 · 30/10/2019 17:16

You are overthinking it. 'Thinking of you' just means you are aware and on their side, whatever the problem. At least you didn't put 'with sympathy'.

PineappleLumps · 30/10/2019 17:20

I sent a thinking of you to a friend who is going through a second battle with cancer. I think get well soon is not appropriate in that situation.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 30/10/2019 17:21

The message is really fine! My neighbour's daughter is presently in hospital after an emergency op to remove her appendix out and those words are exactly what I texted the neighbour.

underground76 · 30/10/2019 17:26

'Thinking of you' doesn't imply anything death-related. It means exactly what you meant it to mean - that you are thinking of someone because they are going through a difficult situation. it would never occur to me to think it implied that you were assuming the worst.

And honestly, their focus will be 100% on their little girl right now and not on the wording of any cards/gifts.

Hope your niece's condition improves, OP - what a horrible thing for any family to go through

Petrichor11 · 30/10/2019 17:45

Thinking of you is appropriate for anyone in a difficult situation, not just after a death.

I know you said there’s backstory, but even so with a seriously ill baby they’re not really going to be picking apart well meaning messages of support to look for a hidden undertone.

Loveislandaddict · 30/10/2019 17:49

I think it’s fine, and people use it in all sort of situations.

LucyAutumn · 30/10/2019 18:08

OP please don't panic, our LO was very poorly when he was born and I would have been fine with that message

Tistheseason17 · 30/10/2019 18:55

Thinking of you is just fine and very caring.

HairToday79 · 30/10/2019 23:08

Thinking of you is a caring sentiment in any situation I think. I hope your neice improves soon.
Robs20 I am so sorry about your daughter

Jollitwiglet · 30/10/2019 23:28

I agree with pp I think you're overthinking it. I think that's an appropriate thing to say in the circumstances

RLOU30 · 30/10/2019 23:41

OP that is honesty fine don't worry
Robs20

Muckycat · 30/10/2019 23:57

I've never heard of it having any specific bereavement-related meaning and might send a 'thinking of you' card in any difficult situation, illness or otherwise. I honestly don't think under the current circumstances they're going to give it much thought anyway

rainbowlou · 31/10/2019 00:05

Please don’t worry, my ds was very unwell in hospital and I received lots of cards/texts with ‘thinking of you’ messages.
I found it very comforting that we were in other people’s thoughts at a time we felt very alone

SleepingStandingUp · 31/10/2019 00:08

It's fine op, when DS was in and very poorly, I'd have taken that message as simply you're in our thoughts, not we expect the worst (he's fine now)

Bluerussian · 31/10/2019 00:16

Your message was fine, FB, honestly. It was kind.

(Robs20 )

idontdance · 31/10/2019 00:17

It sounds fine to me, don’t worry

RegretnaGreen · 31/10/2019 00:18

Had you sent, 'Condolences at this sad time' then you would have a point but your message is just fine. Shirt simple and to the point.

Likeitlikethat · 31/10/2019 00:19

Thinking of you. . Means you are thinking of them. That's all it means , you're overthinking it incase you cause offence. Don't , it's very thoughtful and I'm sure they will appreciate it.

VenusTiger · 31/10/2019 00:21

It’s fine OP.
@Robs20 sorry for your loss

runoutofnamechanges · 31/10/2019 00:24

Really, it's fine. But if you are worried, just send them a longer message by text or email eg Our thoughts and love are with you at such a difficult time. We have sent you a small gift and hope with all our hearts to hear good news. With much love xxx

But you can probably do a better job than that...

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