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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Needing help with cleaning

19 replies

Twiggy71 · 30/10/2019 11:40

Am i unreasonable to want to hire someone 2 hours a week to clean while i recover from a hysterectomy.
I had help from my dsis the first 2 weeks but she's had to go home now.
I have been doing light housework, washing, brushing floors etc but i am too scared to hoover yet and because i have pets it needs to be done.
I had offers of help before the op but they haven't happened.
My dd and her bf live with me but they have done very little to help other than put out a heavy bin once a week and they have to be directed to do this ( they are a whole other story).
I know my family will turn up their noses at me doing this but they are either unable or unwilling to help me ( i know no one is entitled to help either). It's just i'm struggling at the minute as i have mental health problems as well.
If anyone has any tips on how to get things done easier or any recovery tips i'd love to hear from you.
Thanks for reading ...

OP posts:

JoJoSM2 · 30/10/2019 11:42

What could be unreasonable about getting a cleaner?

It does look like DD and her BF need to pull their weight, though.

Winterdaysarehere · 30/10/2019 11:43

Unless your family are prepared to help they can stfu about your decision to get in someone who will.. Imo.

AmIThough · 30/10/2019 11:45

Your DD and her BF need to be helping you out. Do they pay to live with you?

YANBU to get help at all.

NoSquirrels · 30/10/2019 11:50

Please do pay for a cleaner.

Also, re-evaluate why your DD and BF live with you, if they’re not willing to contribute like adults to running a household.

for you. Sounds tough.

Original poster

Twiggy71 · 30/10/2019 11:51

I've tried with my dd and her bf (nope they are paying nothing i told them they can pay the cleaner, though it will never happen) they are going to be here until next May approx. I just have to get on with things on my own and not rely on family and friends

OP posts:

SallyAnne89 · 30/10/2019 11:53

You're sick. It's normal to need help when your sick. Much better than slowing down your recovery because you're doing too much

NoSquirrels · 30/10/2019 11:54

Also - who offered to help you before the op? Have you let them know now would be a great time to help? Sometimes people are really willing but need a prompt!

‘Friend, you know you offered to help if I needed anything after my op? Would you mind just popping over and giving me half an hour’s hoovering? I don’t like to ask but I’m not supposed to lift or do anything heavy for another while.’

NoSquirrels · 30/10/2019 11:55

I just have to get on with things on my own and not rely on family and friends

You don’t!

tell your friends (& family) you need some help
let them out a rocket up your DD and BF for not helping themselves
tell DD & BF rent is now due ...

lynsey91 · 30/10/2019 11:56

When I had a hysterectomy it was only really hoovering and changing the bed I could not do for a couple of weeks.

My DH hoovered every day (we have dogs too) and changed the bed when needed.

I think you should be getting your DD or her boyfriend to hoover. It's not much to ask if they are living with you

AmIThough · 30/10/2019 11:58

Honestly I'd ask them to leave if they're no help and not contributing.
The money you save on food and utilities will more than pay for a cleaner

PurpleFrames · 30/10/2019 12:00

I had a cleaner come twice after I was discharged from hospital. I would call her again as she was so accommodating even though it was never going to be a long term thing and it took the pressure off. Don't worry about your family- unless they're going to help they can't criticise!!

Original poster

Twiggy71 · 30/10/2019 12:04

I've tried with my dd she just says i'm so needy and they agree to do things and then say they don't need done yet or just don't bother at all.
If i tell my family this they just say its my fault as i spoilt her ( i was a single parent for a long time and think i over compensated with her). She does have a lovely side to her but is also very very selfish too.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/10/2019 12:08

I had a very invasive hysterectomy. I had a dog walker and still have a cleaner. I also made a rota of parents to bring my dd home from school mixed in with childminder for morning and a couple of evenings. My recovery continues and it takes a long time to get over even a much less invasive hysterectomy.

Major abdominal surgery - or at least what I did does - takes longer to get over than heart surgery. That’s straight from the doctor. Your family are pathetic.

Your dd sounds appalling. Do ensure you repay the favour one day.

Kazplus2 · 30/10/2019 12:11

Remember you are the parent here and it is your house. You get to decide if you want a cleaner and you get to tell your dad and her bf to sling their hook if they are not prepared to put their hands in their pocket AND pill their weight. They are doing nothing and paying nothing be side there are no consequences and you need to deal with that.

Trooperslaneagain · 30/10/2019 12:17

I've been really ill this year and and had resigned from a very stressful job the year before.

When I went back FT after DD I had them every week - dropped it down to fortnightly and it's the best thing I ever did.

Physically, I could do it. But I hate it. DH does nothing in that respect - just doesn't see it. We are cutting our cloth to make sure we can afford £33 every two weeks - no more Saturday lunches out etc.

Which he did love. But - priorities. If your DD and DP are living with you the least they can do is 1. do the cleaning. 2. Pay the cleaner.

You''re ill/recovering. Why should they be off scott free when you're doing them a massive favour? I assume they're not 15? Even so, they could mop a floor or put a wash on ......

I know you're probably very under the weather OP (remember when my DM was recovering - wasn't pretty) but you're doing them no favours letting them off the hook.

Who's going to clean their place when they get it? Good luck and get well soon.

Trooperslaneagain · 30/10/2019 12:20

I've just seen your update and laughed out loud.

Needy? Needy????!!!!

Kick her arse. (actually don't. You'll do yourself a damage).

Give her a rental £ and see how she reacts to it. "This isn't working for me. I need more money into the house and WE need to pay for a cleaner. I am recovering from major surgery and I can't accommodate you both any more on these terms"

LifeSpectator · 30/10/2019 12:21

personally id get onto it now and book a cleaner, get them doing the jobs you cant do like vacuming, mopping, washing out bath or shower tray, making up your bed, dont discuss it with anyone get it done at a time that suits you and with no one about, and by sounds of it your dd wont even notice, but you will know that the place is hoovered, and if dd does comment just say its all you could afford to get done so she needs to go now and do x ...every time she raises it give her a job..that will ensure she doesnt comment.

Original poster

Twiggy71 · 30/10/2019 12:30

Thanks everyone it's nice to hear I'm not being unreasonable. The dsis that was helping told me not to tell my family if i get a cleaner???
I don't feel mentally able to tackle my dd right now, well i have tried but my hormones are up and down like a yoyo and i can cry at the drop of a hat.
I am scared at doing too much too soon as if i do damage now, i am single and need to work and pay my morgage on my own.

Thanks ladies for listening at whats been a hard time mentally and physically for me

OP posts:

dreichsky · 30/10/2019 12:41

Hire a cleaner ASAP.

Later on when you feel stronger I'd tackle your dd and bf.
They seem to behaving really badly and should at a minimum be cleaning up and looking after you.

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