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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much time can a baby play alone?

14 replies

Cardiffclare · 30/10/2019 09:17

DD is 11 months. She is our PFB and generally whilst I’m with her I’ll play, sing songs, rhymes, etc. I do leave her to play with toys in the lounge whilst I’m preparing dinner (open kitchen so can watch her but I’m not playing with her IYSWIM).

DH thinks she should be independent and on daddy days will take her up to her room and have her play on the floor with her toys whilst he’s sat reading a magazine/newspaper/book/phone. He is there to help if she needs but mostly doesn’t get on the floor, sing, interact, etc. Or he might periodically but really it’s just whilst taking a break from his own activity. I do hear her fusing and whimpering as if she would like more attention but don’t do anything as I reckon it’s good for them to have their own pattern and I don’t want to be too controlling.

AIBU to think DD is too young for this much alone play and would like more attention from DH? She adores him but does cling more to me than him at this stage, don’t know if this could be related. How long should a child of 11/12 months be allowed to play alone (under supervisions)?

OP posts:

RedSheep73 · 30/10/2019 09:21

I can't give you a figure but I think not very long at that age. I think he's being a bit lazy tbh, he's just lucky your dd is a placid soul and not a screecher!

SleepingStandingUp · 30/10/2019 09:22

So does he ever actually interact with her? I don't think it's about timing it as such, but the whole sitting her in her room (away from you?) whilst he lounges about reading seems to be an excuse for him to clock off whilst pretending to care for her. How long are they upstairs for at a time?
At that age I'd prob set toys up etc and watch her play, and take cues from her if she wants playing with or can't work a toy etc. If she's leaving toys to come over ur getting bored then I'd pick her up and sing etc with her.

Siameasy · 30/10/2019 09:23

I don’t think it’s a case of allowed - if the child is happy then they can play as long as they want but IMO a child that age doesn’t play alone hardly at all. At least mine didn’t. She would roll around a bit and take a tour of the room and do shambolic things but she didn’t play for more than about 5 minutes until she was a lot older.
9-12 mths is peak separation anxiety age.
You don’t have to be constantly interacting with them or feel bad for getting stuff done but keep expectations very very low I would say!!

Celebelly · 30/10/2019 09:25

I let my 9mo DD play alone as long as she seems happy to do so. If she starts getting whiny because she's getting bored then we do something together, then sometimes she will be happy to play on her own again. Sometimes she can play alone quite happily for upwards of 30 mins or longer if she has a good selection of toys and space to just move around to interact with stuff. She's quite an independent wee soul though and has been from birth, and is very easygoing!

If she's getting bored and whiny, though, your partner needs to interact with her. Spending time with dad isn't just being in the same room as him while he carries on as if she isn't there!

OrchidInTheSun · 30/10/2019 09:30

He's just lazy. She likes you more because you don't ignore her like he does.

It won't be long before she makes her irritation at his failure to interact with her known.

MaryShelley1818 · 30/10/2019 09:33

Independent play is a really good skill to learn. DS was quite unusual at that age in that he’d happily play with his toys alone for 15-20mins at a time as long as you were sat next to him (same room).
As long as baby is happy I wouldn’t have a problem with this but obviously if you feel she’s not then I’d have a word.
It’s all about balance - DH is definitely a bit less interactive than me in some aspects but we’re both different people and have different styles so I’m likely to sing and do dances with DS and he’s currently teaching him colours using cars!

SoyDora · 30/10/2019 09:39

I always left mine playing alone for as long as they were happy playing alone. If they were happy playing with a toy I wouldn’t go and sit down and start singing with them, for example. They’ve always had plenty of engagement, but independent play is an important skill to learn.
He sounds like he just can’t he arsed though!

underground76 · 30/10/2019 09:46

It's perfectly fine and healthy for a baby to play alone if they're content to do so. It's good for them to learn to amuse themselves and explore things and places without someone constantly prompting them. They need to be able to play while adults do other things. Obviously you shouldn't just totally ignore them all the time but if she's happy sitting playing with her toys while he does something else, that's great. She'll ask him for attention one way or another if she wants it.

snowone · 30/10/2019 09:49

I just think it's about having a balance, I leave my DD to sit and play with her toys while she is happy to do so. When she starts to get a bit fed up I play with her....she is 7 months.

YouWhoNeverArrived · 30/10/2019 09:55

It totally depends on your baby's temperament. If they're happy to play alone then it's a great skill to develop. My 10two-month-old son is happy playing with his toys alone for 30-60 minutes at a time. I tend to use those stretches to do cooking and housework etc (I work 3 days a week and am at home 2 days a week). I mix it up with periods of giving him plenty of attention - singing, talking, showing him how to use a toy that's stumped him, etc. He is developing well and is warm, well-attached and sociable. Your DH is teaching your child independence and his parenting style is every bit as valid as yours, IMHO. Don't micromanage or undermine him.

YouWhoNeverArrived · 30/10/2019 09:56

10-month-old - not sure where the two came from!

Piglet89 · 30/10/2019 10:04

Classic male behaviour I’m afraid. Our son is ten weeks and I already notice how my husband is lazier than I am in actually doing proactive stuff to hold his attention and stop him crying. Many of my friends’ partners are exactly the same, regardless of the age of the child.

It’s because men generally find spending long periods of time interacting with babies and young children boring. Which women often do too but society expects we will just suck it up because, you know, that’s motherhood for you.

riotlady · 30/10/2019 10:42

I think it depends on the kid, my DD has always enjoyed playing independently and would have done for 20-30 minutes at that age, but if she had fussed I would have gone and picked her up.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/10/2019 10:45

Your DH is being lazy but ime most are. They struggle to view a baby as a little person, so whereas I had DS and DD in the kitchen and would just sort of chatter and narrate what I was doing, DH always ended up doing something else and not really interacting with them.

By the time they are about 15/16 months and more communicative my DH seems to get better tho and know how to engage with them more.

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