To be really worried and not know what to do...

[Mogs43]

I'm really sorry if this is too long - I just really need your advice as I've never experienced anything like this and don't know what to do.

My father is terminally ill. I look after him (an only child of divorced parents) and work full time. I don't seem able to do any of this well at the moment and recent events will only make this worse.

In July he came home from hospital and when a carer and I were helping him from the toilet to his bedroom he fell unconscious. His body went stiff, his eyes rolled in his head, his face was waxy, he was having convulsions. I told the carer to call an ambulance and tried to carry him to his bed/a safe space (I had been advised by his consultant should something like this happen to lie him flat with his legs in the air, head protected and get an ambulance quickly- as likely to be low bp/ a consequence of the treatment he has to havre). It was absolutely terrifying- I thought he was going to die.

As this was happening a health professional arrived at the flat (unfortunately whilst all the others are great we have had problems with her previously : not turning up and giving the wrong amount of medication) - the carer gave her the landline to speak to the emergency operator (the carer is from Africa and doesn't speak English well) . Surprisingly she wasn't the calm authoritative figure I thought she would be but was panicking and shouting. She stood in the hallway (not in the room with my father who she hadn't even looked at lay unconscious), yelled at me to move as she wanted to see if he was breathing (both the carer and I had already told her he was ) - I said I couldn't as I was holding my father on the bed (preventing him from falling as he was convulsing ) and I told her that there was a phone next to his bed she could use where she could see him. She then came rushing into the room and physically pushed me so I fell on the floor and bruised all my back . Fortunately the carer grabbed my father to prevent him from falling.

I stood up and shouted at her that it was assault , had been witnessed by the carrier and that I would be making I complaint. I also said she would regret it if she ever did anything like that again. I then returned to help my father (I finished taking his blood pressure, glucose and temperature, talking to him etc as we have been told to do). The health professional walked into the living room and shouted at the carer that I was f*ing mad and left.

The paramedics arrived very quickly after (in all the whole event was less than twenty minutes). My father and I went to resuss - he was kept in hospital for 24 hours and then discharged (I had to look after him whilst the care package was restarted). I complained to the hospital about her actions two days later. This week I have heard back from the hospital to say that the complaint has now become a police matter. The health professional has claimed I assaulted her!!!

I was initially in shock. I phoned relatives and on their advice spoke to a solicitor. The solicitor said they can't do anything until the police contact me. They think the health professional has made the false allegation to counter my complaint - I know I shouldn't have shouted at her but I was in shock and terrified my father was dying. I wanted to be helping him. I didn't touch her at all. Fortunately the carer should/ will testify to that (always worry about the what ifs...). My father now has cameras in place at his home - to ensure he is safe but also so nothing like this can happened again...

I am absolutely freaked about what has happened. I've never experienced anything like this and don't have a clue what might happen. what would do? has anyone experienced anything similar? Thank you.

I would try not to worry, for a start you have injuries. She sounds as if this was a knee jerk reaction on her part. You can bet your life that this is not the first complaint against her. What a bitch.

Gosh, that's so shocking and frightening

Do go to your GP about the assault and take photos. You need to get this on record with them. As with any legal procedure, evidence is key. So you need those photos.

Write down what happened while it is fresh in your mind. You think you'll never forget but actually it is easy to become confused about details - largely due to shock. So get it written down, every detail you can think of, as this is potent evidence.

Did you make complaints about her before when you were concerned? That will help.

I was once accused of assault in, believe it or not, the church! Entirely innocent, I have to say - he was the aggressor, certainly verbally. It frightened the life out of me. The accuser pushed for a formal investigation but, thank goodness, the clergy weren't prepared to pursue it as there was evidence that he wasn't telling the truth. but I didn't go to church for months. It was terrifying.

So EVIDENCE is key. Get as much as you can. Has the carer said she is prepared to testify about what happened? Let's hope so! I suspect this HCP has had complaints about her before from others - so let's hope that's the end of her!

Try and stay calm. I hope others will come on with more relevant info

Your experiences are scary. I have met some really nasty HCP and I was considering a complaint. I don't want to be accused of anything.
Keep records and photos of all events. It is good that your father now has cameras in his house. I would not like to think of that HCP being with your father while you and the carer are not there.
I am sure that a lot of people have seen your devotion to your father and there is not one other complaint about you. The HCP very likely has other complaints against them
It always strikes me when I see the posters in hospitals saying not to abuse the staff, I think hospitals (and the NHS in general) need to ensure that their employees are not harming patients or their families.
Hope this is sorted out fast as you dont need the hassle of this malicious complaint while caring for a terminal parent.
Wishing you and you father all the very best in the future.

I note that the incident took place in July. Did you seek treatment for your bruised back or did your GP or other health professional see the bruising?

You're most probably distraught at this turn of events and it is the last thing you need at this particular time, but try not to worry as I doubt it will go anywhere after you have been interviewed/make your statement to the police.

As for when that will occur, how long is a piece of string comes to mind as the police can be exceedingly slow to follow up on what are, essentially, non-urgent cases plus it has to work through the system, officers allocated to the case, etc.

Now that I've said that, sod's law you'll hear from the police tomorrow but, once again, please don't worry as you'll have time to arrange for a solicitor to accompany you to the police station or wherever your interview is held.

Don't be tempted to attend any police interview unaccompanied. As you're facing false allegations you need a solicitor by your side.

The so-called 'health professional' sounds unhinged and I doubt she will have made a favourable impression on the police. I also suspect that your complaint was registered first which won't escape their attention and, given your father's condition, it's understandable that you haven't had time to chase it up.

Of course you shouted at the incompetent woman. She made a drama into a crisis, physically assaulted you by pushing you away from your father causing you to fear that he would fall from the bed and causing you bruising in the process, and then shouted at the carer that you were 'fucking mad' before she fucked off left.

You deserve them and more, OP. I hope your dear dad's condition is stable and that you are managing to find some time for yourself with all that you're having to contend with at the moment.

I think it would be pretty obvious that the allegation was as a direct result of the complaint.

I agree with going with a solicitor. There will be a copy of the phone call to the emergency services on file. This will add weight to her state of mind and there may be evidence of the altercation if she was on the phone at the time. Can you obtain a copy of this?

OP so sorry this is happening to you. I'd write down asap your version of events and ask the witness to write down what they saw and heard asap. That way if a solicitor asks for it in the future you will have a more accurate record of events than if you let time go past and then try and remember. I think she is counter claiming as she knows she could lose her job. Good job putting in the cameras. You are doing your best for your dad.

Thank you so much for your helpful responses- I am very grateful. I am hoping that the carer will simply tell the truth and all will be fine (there have been some issues with the carer not turning up etc which I have had to complain about but am sure that won't mean they wouldn't say something not truthful to the police). I was going to ask the ambulance service for a transcript of the 999 call but then thought that might look a bit odd? I will definitely ask for a solicitor. Gosh its so stressful - I keep thinking Im going to do something wrong and make things even worse. Thanks again.

You can’t do anything wrong if you get protection / legal advice.