Evening all
Just looking for opinions as to whether aibu or not.... (really long thread, sorry)
Background first - Been with dw for 5 years, lived together for 3.5, and married just over 2. 3 dsc live with us through the week and alternate weekends, and my 2 dc come over 3 out of 4 weekends. My relationship with dc ended nearly 7 years ago, still friends and work together for kids (just ran its course, no 3rd etc). Dw previous ended 5 years ago as he was controlling and emotionally abusive.
I’m feeling very stressed and put upon at the moment, especially financially - bear with.
When we moved in together, we decided to keep our finances separate, and dw wanted to be in control of household bills as never been allowed to. Fair enough, I pay over half of the household bills we get at end of month plus I pay for insurance, house phone and TV licence. Problem is my dw is terrible with money, she’s always skint and asking for more, despite her getting the uc, child benefit and her wages (nearly full time). I earn a reasonable wage, and happy to help out, but she’s always spending money frivolously, every month I end up giving her a lot of money to cover what she’s overspent, and it’s starting to make me a bit short at the end of the month (I have maintenance to pay as well as other things like car etc). Recently I found out we’re a month behind our rent, which I don’t have in reserve!
My input covers the rent payment and about half the council tax, our 2 biggest outgoings.
On top of this, I end up doing 75% of the housework, again, happy to do, but I don’t get why I’m moaned at for missing out forgetting something when I leave the house. On a normal day dw leaves for work at 6.30, I get up at same time, get dsc up, make sure they’re showered, dressed for school, teeth etc, give them breakfast, do lunchboxes and then get them to school on time. I also make sure dishwasher is on, washing is on (incontinence problems), and washing is in dryer or hung out. I go to work for 9, finish about 6, come home and have to cook tea and sort out clean washing to put away. I also have a bloody good clean at the weekend, bathroom, kitchen etc. However if I forget to do something or run out of time, I get a right earful!
I know dw has to start early, but she goes and sees her family after school run, normally getting back about same time as me.
Recently it's also put a strain on our relationship physically, as she's too tired to be intimate, I've suggested she seeks medical advice as always tired whether working or not, and has other health issues which could be linked, but she refuses to see the dr.
Feeling a little at the end of my tether, I get so frustrated but just told I'm being grumpy, I love her to pieces, but how long can this go on, so I all the question, AIBU?!