To want relatives to put money in ds savings account for Christmas?

[addictedtotheflats]

DS will be 8 months at Christmas and I was thinking about asking relatives to put money in his savings rather than buy presents.. I mean does an 8 month old really need Christmas presents? I dont have the space for a load of new toys plus he has plenty. I just dont know if this is rude? I wouldnt be offended if someone asked me to do this, infact I think I would be happy not having to trawl shops/internet for presents..

Thoughts?

I really don't like being asked to contribute to a future 18 year olds potential piss up in Ibiza house deposit.

I understand an 8 month old doesn't need loads of stuff but there are other things you could ask for that he could get the use of now or in the near future.
I often get a shoe shop voucher or soft play pass and a small tree decoration or a book for little ones at Christmas.

If relatives are reluctant - you could think of diverging big yo go in garden next summer?? Playhouse, swing, sandpit etc...then ask for contributions to that??

Some of the favourite books and teddies here are still special to my dses. I think you can hint but I'd probably roll my eyes if someone actually asked!!

I would t ask for money as I think family get joy from giving a family child something and watching them enjoy it. A voucher for an outing or a shop you know they will like seems a better compromise, then tell them what you have used it for when you do.

Personally I would say please just do 1 smallish gift and if you wish to give more a voucher for mothercare etc would be lovely.

Yanbu.

Sometimes kids get so many presents that they don't get touched. At least with cash you can buy them something they will appreciate in the spring / summer.

YANBU, you know if your son needs any more toys, if not then money is the best thing for the child.

Most my relatives give money or premium bonds, he has plenty of toys.

A gift really would only be bought as a selfish thing so the "giver" gets the pleasure of giving the toy to a child who doesn't need it

@notso why do you prefer giving a book / tree decoration to an 8 month old rather than something that could contribute to their future?

I would, but only to family members who I know should be happy to give cash.

For those who prefer to buy presents, I would steer them towards something like toys or clothes in the next size/age up.

We've never asked for money (and in fact I was a little disappointed when DD got mostly clothes last Christmas as she had hardly any toys!) but we used what money she was given to pay for her swimming lessons. I told people in thank you messages that that was what we were doing so hopefully nobody objected!

I think it is rude if you think they’d prefer to give a present. I know my parents often prefer money although more so for older children but my in-laws prefer picking presents so I’d never suggest cash as I know they’d hate it. I also think there is a lot of pleasure in getting small children toys and other gifts and it would be a bit mean to deny grandparents that. With an 8m old, there are lots of toys that get more exciting from 12m plus and it can be nice to have something to grow into. Older children like cash but toddlers don’t really get it and obviously if it goes straight into savings, there’ll be no reaction or excitement.

If you really don’t want stuff, could you encourage a day out or money towards of classes like swimming?

I think there's a difference between contributing to a savings account, and giving money to be spent on the child for their birthday or during the year up to next birthday.

It’s a GREAT idea and very logical - however YABU to expect anyone to listen.

In theory gift giving should be about the ‘receiver’ in which case people would stick to wedding registry lists 🙄... or put money into your DS’s account as requested!

However, gift giving (in practise) can be as much about about the ‘giver’ and take on an almost selfish role. It doesn’t matter whether ‘you don’t have space’ if great Aunt Edith decides she’s going to buy DS a human sized soft toy for his first Christmas 😂🙈
^people who do this care more about themselves and their enjoyment of buying/giving the gift than your receiving it!

What I don’t like about gift giving is the social ‘trap’ that any receiver of a gift MUST be grateful and obliging! There are some gifts that take the P* and should not have to be gracefully recurved.

For our wedding (we had a gift list with very reasonably priced items), several family members decided to go off list- my favourites were... a HUGE personalised art work (with my DH name spelt incorrectly 😒...and a tree! (Yes and actual tree - so big it arrived on a lorry and with no prior warning!)

I think its horrible.
Just my opinion though. No real reason except that it feels a bit bah humbug. Your baby wont know atm but I have a brother who always sent my kids a cheque or their savings
It wasnt a big cheque and they didnt have any savings. My kids were always a bit disappointed tbh. What the hell can they do with a cheque on Christmas day?
End of the day, though, your kid, your rules.

I think you could run the risk of hurting someone's feelings if they have already gone to the effort to find a gift. I know my mum and I are similar in that we spend all year with an eye out for a gift perfect for someone and sometimes we could have it months in advance. For a baby I suppose this isn't valid but what if they've been making something or intended to give you a day out together rather than plastic tat?
Just a different perspective, I would never ask for money, nor would I actually expect gifts for such a young child.

@Chillisauceboss
why do you prefer giving a book / tree decoration to an 8 month old rather than something that could contribute to their future?

Firstly as I implied in my post there's no guarantee the child will go on to use the money for something sensible.

I'm happy to contribute in the future to things like house deposits, we have actually set aside some money to do this when our nephews, nieces and godchildren reach that stage.

I'm happy to give money if the child tells me they're saving for something.
For babies and toddlers though as I said something I tend to buy something more practical or an experience type thing and give a little something to open.
Sentimentally I have a few Christmas decorations I've had since I was a child which I cherish and thought it would be a nice thing to do for children in my life and the same with the books, it's lovely to share books you love with people you love.

Rude and joyless.

I would ask for books instead, kids can never have enough and they last for years.

Rude and joyless

Why? The child is a baby and will be delighted by the Christmas lights and coloured paper. The people popping and any even a visit to Santa, none of which they’ll remember!

It’s only in recent times extended family over indulge children - they don’t need a load of plastic tat - what they will need in future is savings if they are ever to afford a deposit or car.

This is what I wanted to do with DN but my sister had already maxed out her ISAs and also maxed out another cash savings account for her. So instead family started buying gold jewellery. DN is 7 and now has approx £13k (at last valuation) worth of gold and about 20-30k in savings.

I don’t think it’s rude, just a bit mercenary. I think when Christmas is reduced to transferring cash and buying vouchers, the point of it has been lost. I also think a gift for a baby might only cost £10 and could be wrapped really prettily. But I’d feel cheap transferring £10 into an account and would feel pressured to up it to something bigger.

If I didn't want presents for DC I'd just say 'no presents' & explain I don't have the room etc. Id possibly suggest clothes as that's always useful and they can be recycled to charity shop easily enough once too small.

As it is, you are asking for presents of your own choice, that choice being money. I wouldn't give as I think it's either a greedy parent or 'you're there to build up my child's savings/give me cash' thing. However there are people who prefer to just give money so you'll be fine on that score

I think it's rude to ask. However, if they ask you for ideas it's perfectly acceptable to suggest.

Rude and joyless.

I agree. Partly.

Gift giving is about the joy of choosing and anticipation of giving as well as receiving. It is not a one way street to just get stuff you want.

It's a multilayered interaction, with ideally care and love in it, both ways.

You should give with care and effort to select something the receiver will love. You should receive with gratitude that the giver has made this offering to you, even if they get it wrong.

Obviously some givers are selfish and totally ignore the receivers preferences. And some receivers are grabby fuckers who just want exactly what they want and don't give a damn about the care and love of the gift.

Gift giving and receiving is complex and delicate. Aim to be kind in both.

Suggest the savings account if asked, and then let others decide if that's how they want to show their love. Some will like this some won't, and that's ok.

Balloon in a box /tissue to unwrap. And money to OP. Perfect present.

Full of joy for the little one and something that can be used positively and intentionally. An Outing a big ticket present or simply for saving.

Little Children do not get joy from loads and loads of presents. It's overwhelming for them. And kids seem to end up with just piles of stuff which OFTEN just ends up as wasteful clutter. We've all seen it and OP sensibly wants to avoid that.

BUT there are are probably some in the family who will HATE this if you suggest it.

There are in mine. There has been no changing their minds over the years. But I would suggest it as an option and expect some not to like it and you have to let them get on with it. But If asked jump on it OP.

I always ask for money in the kids accounts or money to charity. can't handle anymore plastic crap in my house!