Marriage and kids a maybe?

[Billiboo]

When I first met dp a year ago he said he did want kids and marriage. We were recently talking about the future again and he said it’s only a maybe for both and has been all along. I suspect at the beginning he said he wanted both just so we didn’t go our seperate ways but now, as I definitely want both and he doesn’t I see no future for us and that we will end up breaking up when we both want different things. When I try and gently break things off now he doesn’t want to seperate at all. I have other reasons we should break up too. Aibu in thinking our different wants for life won’t bode well for our future together?

YANBU. Those are desk breakers, children being the biggest one of all. He’s lied to you and isn’t respecting your decision to end it, he’s not the man for you.

I think this and the culmination of the other reasons means it's probably best for you to separate, but you don't need to feel that it's not enough of a reason.

You can just separate if you want to.

How old are you? I'd not hang around for a maybe if I was someone who wanted that eventually.

*deal breakers

I suspect he definitely doesn’t want marriage and kids, or at least not with you (sorry if that sounds harsh), so yes, I would end things. Why should you be his FWB until either someone he does want to settle down with comes along or else it’s too late for you to meet someone and have the future you want?

YANBU

You're right, different attitudes to major life choices are deal breakers. Lying to you and claiming that he's always been undecided when he said very clearly and unequivocally that he did want marriage and children is gaslighting and also a deal breaker - a million times worse than simply admitting to having changed his mind or got cold feet.

As BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz says you don't need a reason to break up with someone when you don't have children together, aren't married and haven't merged finances. You can walk away just because you don't want to be with them any more, no need to argue about whether you have a good enough reason.

I think you're quite right. You had a good year, turns out he misled you, off you go. You do not need his permission to split up.

YANBU. Those are big big life choices to not agree on. Walk away.

Thank you for all your replies. I know what I have to do, tough as it is.

@AnneLovesGilbert love deskbreakers ha ha!

She may be telling the truth.

Organizations can only hold personal data on former employees if they have a legitimate reason. So they may well have deleted all information about you and genuinely cannot provide a reference