to think that these things aren't actually my fault despite being blamed by dh....

[DANCESwithDumbledore]

when:

a) he kicked over a drink of squash that HE had left on the floor

b) the cat ate the corner of his cake that he left on the sofa (apparently my fault because I was on mumsnet)

He drives me MAD with this. He does something stupid and somehow, how his brain works I don't know, it's MY fault...I would scream if it wasn't so damn ridiculous. IDIOT

ha ha ha the cat ate his cake!

I get blamed every time dh loses something! Anything!

And what makes me mad is that he is constantly losing his car keys, so I bought him one of those gadgets that beeps if you whistle so he could find said keys. You know what he did - he complained it 'kept going off' so he has taken it off (& lost it!) and STILL blames me for missing keys.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh

YANBU - DH is just a man, doing what men do best, being an idiot.....cue unquietdad to step in for mens defence!

My DS does that to me. But his excuse is that he is 8.

PMSL at the cake.

Come on then unquietdad...justify this I dare you!

Men have to blame someone because we all know nothing is ever their fault.

What drives me insane is the 'I'm going to do...' list: ie, i'm going to check the car oil and tyre pressure (3 week later i did), i'm going to change the windscreen wipers (2 month later coming from cumbria at 11 at night with bleary rain smeared windscreen, they obviously hadn't been), i'm going to clean oyt cellar, put up mirror, etc etc etc hundreds of different things which NEVER GET DONE!!!!! AAARGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

a. You obviously should have thought ahead and moved the drink. Clear evidence of your complacency and slovenliness. He was called away on urgent business.

b. He was expecting you to eat the cake, as that's what women inevitably do, and was merely upset as you hadn't appreciated his thoughtfulness.

Drives me mad when DP loses one of about 8 different sets of keys, asks me if I know where they are. How the F* do I know!! (always accompanied by the blank, helpless look that drives me mad)

Men are just hopeless, what you have to remember is that with some of them, their eyes/ears/legs/arms etc don't work as well as yours!

ie
DH "have I got any clean jeans/lightbulbs/biscuits?"
ME "have you looked in the drawer/cupboard/tin?"
DH "no"

DH "Where are my van keys?"
ME "did you hang them up when you came in?"
DH "yes"
ME "that's where they'll be then"
DH "ah, yes..."

DH "who left that glass there? Lucky it was empty and didn't spill on the carpet!"
ME "you did" (everyone else puts theirs on the fireplace or table)
DH "oh..."

I could go on and on!!! I find ignoring him and then giggling about it later quite satisfying!

are you sure he's not a woman?
he seems to be displaying all the hallmarks of a womans behaviour.

I got the blame for the fact that dh used our living room curtains - our BRAND NEW and expensive living room curtains, as protective covers for our crappy sofa when he repainted the living room.

Despite the fact that I was downstairs (it was a town house, living room on 1st floor) the whole time with the - then baby, now strapping 8yr old ds1 - it was somehow my fault for not realising that he was using them instead of, oh I don't know, OLD SHEETS!!!!!

Apparently I should have stopped him.

Clearly he thought I was psychic or I could see through the ceiling!

oh, oh, oh and....

Where is it?

THAT drives me mental

"Where is X?"
"In the drawer?"
"Which one?"
"Kitchen."
"Which one?"
"Middle."
"Whereabouts?"
"Left side."

"No it's not."
I walk in, glare at him, pull open the drawer, retrieve item, stick it in his face and go
"THERE"
"It wasn't there a minute ago"/"You didn't say under the cloth"/"I looked there." or similar

Lately, I have taken to yelling

WHY SHOULD I KNOW JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A VAGINA??!!!!!!

Every time he expects me to triangulate the position of some random object.

I blame my dh for everything.

I am clearly a man.

My2pworth, ditto to everything you just said

and now I am in trouble as DH asked why I was sniggering, I told him by reading the thread out, and he replied
'well, if you didn't move my stuff I wouldn't lose it'

This after a huge row at 6am the other morning

DH-where are my f-ing socks? (yelled up the stairs, thereby waking DD)
Me-in the drawer, where do you think.
DH - what drawer?
Me - your underwear drawer
(DH stomps upstairs into bedroom)
DH-what underwear drawer?
Me-there, in the top drawer of the chest of drawers that has been there for 5 years.
DH-Well how am I supposed to find them in there?
[speechless]
pause - DH opens drawer, gets socks, turns and says
DH-don't suppose you know where my clean boxers are as well do you?
Me- next to your socks.

Useless.

lol...men eh

will have to steal that line My2pworth! hehehe!

You are most welcome.

One tip though.

Don't yell it when the kids are at home or they will suddenly say things like

"Mummy got vagina"

to the checkout girl at Tesco.

Oh yes they will.

Sods.

LOL chirpygirl!!!

PMSL mytwopenceworth
[paranoid] are you married to my DH?
Item fails to leap up and kick him in the knackers!! I think men have 'drawer blindness'.
I recently got into trouble for 'losing' something in the filing cabinet. (FC is DH's domain, I'm allowed in under close supervision, or sneak in when he's not looking)
My crime? To put a big clear folder full of Natwest credit card statements in an envelope folder marked (in his writing) "Natwest credit card". We had a huge falling out and he still maintains I wreck his system.

Dh and I both do this, though, do you think that makes me an honourary man?

pmsl at curtains

My dh will leave important letters/documents on the coffee table, and I then get the blame if they aren't still there 2 weeks later. (dds aged 4 and 2)

I also got the blame when he dropped a toilet roll into the toilet recently.