I'm feeling really lost and confused within my relationship.
I've recently been diagnosed with depression and since talking to my doctor I've realised that I've suppressed a lot of things and my opinions to keep other people happy especially in my relationship. Since realising this and being on medication I've started to realise that I have taken a lot blame and let a lot go in order for an easy life.
I have now realised whenever I raise an issue or try and speak to him or disagree with him on something, I get verbally abused or made to feel like I'm stupid and totally dismissed or he'll walk out the house, get drunk, ignore me the list goes on but I've now realised this has been going on for over 5 years.
I'm a stay at home mum and hes now told me I'm lazy and I've got it easy being at home with a two year old, which my house is always spotless, his tea Is done when hes home from work he doesnt lift a finger which I dont mind because I'm at home but he tells me I should be grateful and dont appreciate how easy I've got it, I know that I am lucky to be able to stay at home with my daughter but he told me that he didn't want me to go back to work but then in the same breath tells me our house is HIS house cause he pays the Bill's etc.
He tells me that people in his family cant believe how ungrateful and badly I spesk to him, and hes put up with it for two years and I'm a disgrace. This has deeply hurt me but also I'm so confused I've never spoke to him badly ever as I'm always so careful not to rock the boat but also we very rarely see his family so I dont know why they would say those things about me, I always do my best as a mum as partner and I'd always do anything to help him and his family.
Hes told me he was us to move away closer to his family, which in turn means us moving away from my support network which has really broke my heart, my mum and dad help me out so much with my little girl and help me. My partner wont speak to any of my family and I have to tell them when there coming round else he kicks off if I dont him or he sees my dad has done any d.i.y job around the house for me so I cant help but think he just wants me to be away from the people I'm close with.
Hope this all makes sense I genuinely feel like I must be insane because hes told me all these awful things about myself and now I am questioning if I'm a horrible person!?!?!
The reason I've wrote this now is because I just bought up about him swearing and hanging up on me today, I just asked if he wouldnt do it and some how I shouted at him on the phone (which is a lie) I was having a lovely time playing with my daughter my voice never changed at all but apparently all the lads commented on how I spoke to him. He has now took his stuff and left. I genuinely feel like I must be mad????? He turned a conversation into him shouting and balling about what a bitch I am.
I am emotionally drained.
Is this my fault !?!?!?