to think my boss is a raging sexist

[Soannoyedgah]

gah i'm really annoyed! my office is predominantly male. my boss is really irritating, always calls me and the female colleagues i associate with "the girls", always asks a female to make the tea/coffee for everyone without fail, even though my job is actually quite high up, higher than some of the men in the office. we actually have a male trainee at the moment, surely they can make the tea at least sometimes? he seems to think it's a girls job. this afternoon he walked in and said "ladies, the kitchen is a mess, can we make sure it's clean by the end of the day". the men use the kitchen too! why is it my job to clean it just because i have a vagina? unfortunately he is also the hr person so i can't even talk to them. aggghhhhh!

Mine is too, I feel your pain.

Fuck that. I would be talking to him about this directly. If he's in charge of HR he should already know what a fuckwit he is. Clearly he needs reminding.

Merrily tell him that you’re writing down all these instances of sexual discrimation so that when you’re really pissed off with it at least you can get a nice settlement in court for it given that it’s illegal to treat staff differently depending on the presence of a dick or not.
And then immediately ask your male underling to do those jobs as they are, in theory, paid less, and therefore makes sense for them to do housekeeping jobs around the office.

Bloody hell, who's the 10%? YAsoNBU! I wouldn't be making the tea just on principle.

Fuck that, I'd be escalating it above him. What a massive git.

Union.
To speak up for you if you can't speak up for yourself.

Can you respond “the men use the kitchen too, do you want to ask junior to make a cleaning Rota?”

“It always seems to be women making tea, is it someone else’s turn now?”

Object! Question it?

Yes I'd just object straight to his face! How dare he!

What did he say when you spoke to him about it?

Yes he's being sexist. Have you pulled him up on it?

I’ve had this OP, in my old company only women were expected to set up meeting rooms, make coffee for guests, arrange leaving gifts etc.

I had set up the meeting room many times, but then got promoted and was no longer in the same department. When the head of accounts had a meeting one day and the woman in his team was off, he came to find me to ask me to set up the meeting room for him. I told him to ask one of the men in his team. He looked gob smacked and told me they hadn’t been shown how. Funny that, no one had shown the women how either but we managed.

So I told him I’d happily show one of his team how to do it. Rather than ask a man though he went and found a more compliant (junior) woman from another unrelated department to do it. He put in a complaint about me, I told him he was sexist. We’d been friends up until that point.

Just say what you’ve said here (in a non-confrontational way so there is no potential comeback should it be escalated).

Answer ladies, the kitchen is a mess, can we make sure it's clean by the end of the day with “John, why was that request started with the word ladies - surely we are all responsible for that?”

& when he asks you to make teas etc say “I think it’s your turn John” or “perhaps Ben could do that today” or similar.

Literally no need to put up with it and every need to challenge it. Also make a note of when it happens. Things won’t change by quietly fuming and doing nothing!

Stand up for yourself!

Tell him bluntly that he's clearly targeting the women for certain tasks.

You need to challenge it. And document it because challenging it might lead to you being "punished" for being "uppity." You don't always have to challenge him publicly, but it does need to be done. eg

Very simple, if cleaning the kitchen is something that the department does (rather than a cleaner), you say, "Perhaps you or your assistant could put together a roster for everyone to clean" Or if you don't want to be so confrontational, offer to make the roster.

When he asks you to make the tea for meetings, take him aside and tell him that it's inappropriate for the more senior people making the tea and suggest that the job is alternated between the more junior members of the team.

Also, is he your boss? Because if not, he shouldn't be passing tasks on anyway and again, it's worth flagging this to someone - him, his boss, your boss etc.

1. Tell him to stop being sexist
2. if there is anyone in a meeting (or around) junior to you and he asks/tells you to make the tea - turn to that person and tell them to do the tea - if there is pushback, mention that you are too expensive to make tea
3. Kitchen. Tell him to make a rota that includes all staff (and him) and it can be followed. On the rota anyone not there on their day will be subbed by someone else and take their next turn (either they arrange it themselves or somoene will be allocated)
4. Tell him you're keeping a log and when you hit 50 instances it's going to HR - and you're already at 49

Also, it's perfectly reasonable to say, in public, "is there a reason you are specifically asking the woman to do these chores?"

Speak up ffs! Why are you and the other 'girls' standing for this?

the men use the kitchen too! why is it my job to clean it just because i have a vagina?

You should have said this to him OP! It might have shocked him enough to make him think about his attittude.

I had a very sexist boss for a while. One day he was pontificating about women being better at some (low-level) kind of work or other but weren't up to a task that was more complex and strategic, and I said "I think ability has more to do with what people have between their ears than what's between their legs".He was so stunned he just sat there, slack-jawed and lost for words.

He started to get a bit better after that, my mate reckoned it was because he didn't dare risk another shock like that.

And who cleaned the kitchen yesterday?

I'd have zero respect for my Male colleagues if they just sat and let this happen.

I'd be making no more teas except my own and cleaning up after myself and noone else. Fuck that.

Every time he tells you to do "women's" work, delegate it to the trainee.

I would literally turn around in front of him and say "trainee, you heard the boss, kitchen is a mess, please clean it up"

Why does everything think it's ok to ask the trainee to do the shit work?

A clear 'whoever left the kitchen in a state, please go and clean it up' is the correct approach.

The trainee is training, not there to do the bitch work.
Trainees end up doing the same as everyone else on less money because of their title.

I'll add, I warned a boss that she didn't want me making her a cup of tea, but she insisted. Only insisted once as, unless it's strong and black, I'm incapable of making it - hence black LOL

YANBU.

I would use his request as an opportunity to demonstrate my management skills and delegate

If this isn’t possible, then escalate like everyone else says.

Also, it's perfectly reasonable to say, in public, "is there a reason you are specifically asking the woman to do these chores?"

Absolutely and as soon as he’s finished speaking! What a wanker!