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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about my sister

31 replies

Pondlife87 · 28/10/2019 18:51

My sister met a guy on Facebook 2 weeks ago and has been on 4 dates with him.
She told my Mum yesterday she is paying for them to go on holiday to Amsterdam next week. My Mum called me as she is really worried. My sister is 30 buy very innocent and not very street wise. She has lived a very sheltered life.
AIBU to be worried? She hasn't met this man's friends or family, so has nobody to vouch for but his character.
I appreciate it could just be him being romantic, but it seems a little intense to me after 2 weeks.
There are other factors that make me worry more, but I'm unsure how relevant they are....

OP posts:
Original poster
Pondlife87 · 28/10/2019 18:52

Edit.....she met him on tinder, not facebook. Baby brain oops.

OP posts:
Justapatchofgrass · 28/10/2019 18:54

What is your concern exactly?

11hairylegs · 28/10/2019 18:56

I’d be concerned too and I’d at least want to meet him before they go. I hope she doesn’t pay for everything.

Original poster
Pondlife87 · 28/10/2019 18:58

Sorry if i wasn't clear. Im worried that she is going on holiday with a guy she has known for 2 weeks, and that he could be dodgy. And then she will be trapped in a foreign country in a hotel room with him.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2019 18:59

I can see where you would be concerned, but she's 30 years old. She's entitled to do what she wants.

PuzzledObserver · 28/10/2019 19:00

Why is she paying for them both?

Original poster
Pondlife87 · 28/10/2019 19:02

Gah another typo. HE is paying. She isn't. I wish i could delete this and start again lol.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2019 19:06

Why don't you just talk to her and voice your concerns? The worst she can do is tell you to mind your own business.

CAG12 · 28/10/2019 19:07

Id be more concerned about her paying for them both, that shes been manipulated into it because shes head over heels.

I was was with a guy like this once, completely took advantage of how I felt for him.

CAG12 · 28/10/2019 19:08

@Pondlife87 🙄 just hide the thread and start again! Lol

TeenPlusTwenties · 28/10/2019 19:10

Not knowing what you are particularly worried about, but maybe tell her to be very careful to pack her own bags and no carrying things for him that 'won't fit in his case'.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 28/10/2019 19:10

She's an adult. People get less sheltered by having the chance to make their own mistakes without people hovering over them.

He's paying, and if he had malign intentions towards her he could express them just as easily in this country.

isitpossibleto · 28/10/2019 19:16

Th hats bloody fast - and he’s paying? I’m sorry but the first thing that came to mind was trafficking

FluffyAlpaca19 · 28/10/2019 19:19

Amsterdam. People trafficking comes to mind.

thecatsarecrazy · 28/10/2019 19:22

She's an adult. I've done worse. Met a stranger off twitter and and met him in a hotel Blush. I'm still here

hidinginthenightgarden · 28/10/2019 19:39

A friend of DH has a habit of meeting women and whisking them away just a few weeks later. He then often ghosts them when they get back when he realises he isn't into them.
On one occasion he even left the woman there and came home a day early without telling her!
Not a dodgy guy, just a bit fucking stupid! I ahve checked with DH, it isn't him!

kateandme · 28/10/2019 20:00

i think if she is 30 she should be ok.but your worried so i think you need to tell us the other factors which are making you think she is more vunerable than she might be at this age and maturity?

kateandme · 28/10/2019 20:03

but after seeing those poor 39 trafficked people in the back of the van dead this week id say anything is possible in this cruel fucking world(too much???)

Original poster
Pondlife87 · 28/10/2019 20:10

My concerns are that if 1. he is paying for her to go on holiday there is a lot of obligation, 2. She doesn't know him properly to be able to suss him out 3. Extreme case i have considered the sex trafficking, or violence.
The additional information i omitted is that my sister has mental health problems (depression and anxiety) and has recently come off her meds. She also broke up with her boyfriend 3 days before she met this new guy. She also told me this man has had a troubled past. He also still lives with his ex of 10 years even though they broke up early this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pondlife87 · 28/10/2019 20:11

She has also never been single since she was 16. She jumps from relationship to relationship with the first guy she meets.

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 28/10/2019 21:06

My sister did this with a guy she met on the Internet. I think they were together about a month, he took her away for her birthday about 4 weeks after they first met. They’ve been together 16 years now.

PlanDeRaccordement · 28/10/2019 21:31

It’s normal to worry. I think it is very fast to go away with a man known to have mental illness.

You can agree a code phrase that she can say or text you if he turns bad and controlling. Something like “did Aunt Emilie get out of the hospital yet?” or “I saw on the news it might snow”
Something she can drop into any conversation that he may be listening to/monitoring and threatening her to act like everything is good.

Then have the locator app on your phone where you can locate her phone. Then you can call police to go to location of her phone.

LemonPrism · 28/10/2019 21:56

How has a 30 year old been so sheltered that she's considered innocent unless she has some additional needs?

That's just weird

LemonPrism · 28/10/2019 21:57

But yes I have heard of trafficking to Amsterdam for sex work by tricking people into thinking they're going for nanny work

Misunderstoodagain · 28/10/2019 22:32

I'd be more concerned that he intends to have her bring stuff back from Amsterdam in her suitcase without her knowing.... That said it could also be he is trying to impress and trying toooo hard Confused

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