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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bullying manager, what would you do ?

11 replies

Tyra435 · 28/10/2019 18:25

I'm leaving in a month anyway but i'm worried she is going to make it hell.
We have had a new line manager since September (I work in a high school)

So this is my 2nd year as a teaching assistant. I love the kids and the staff, but because of the commute, the management and the changes to the role this year, I have decided to leave.

I know it is unfortunate to quit in the middle of the year. However, we are within our right to do so as long as we give notice, and several colleagues have done it before me.

The manager can be very nice and encouraging, but for some reason I have felt like she has picked on me a little this year. She finds fault in a lot of stuff. She did tell me in the first time that I was doing great, but she has a slight temper and a way of talking to you like youre a naughty child.

She sent an email saying I had done something wrong, it was not good enough and very disappointing. I sent her an email to apologise and to remind her that she had told us to not do this thing. We were right, but no apology on her part.
Anyway, 3 weeks ago I got an interview for a job close to home. Upon finding out I had an interview, I was called into her office. She demanded to know why I had an interview, said it was very selfish behaviour, not fair on the kids and that she had 'put her back on the line for me last year'. (I was initially on maternity cover but a colleague left, so that opened up a place for me.

I don't see how she did 'put her back on the line' and even if she did, it does not mean that I am forever indebted to her.

I ended up cancelling the interview out of guilt (incredibly stupid move I know) and said I would stay. She changed her tune and started being supportive about me leaving if I wanted to.

Fast forward a few weeks later, and I was offered another interview, better location, pay, and a progression of role. I deliberated and attended the interview, and was offered the job.

I knew I may not get this opportunity again and that I had to think of myself. The manager was busy today in and out so I emailed her and the HR manager my résignation, saying that I was free to come and discuss it in her office at any point. I worded it in a kind manner and said that I was really sorry to be leaving.

She did not reply or acknowledge it in any shape or form. Now I should add, I am one of three TAs who are leaving. One on maternity, and another who also got another job. We are all leaving before Christmas.

I am aware of the pressure this places on our manager and the school and I only found out today that the third colleague was also leaving. However the issue is that the anger is only directed at myself.

Today, she came into the staffroom and did not even look at me. She went and said hi and spoke to all the other TAs at some point but completely blanked me.

Later in the day she walked over and again, did not smile or say hi. I had had some passes made and she simply asked me to go and get them, which I did.

Before having the passes made she had asked me whether I thought we should put photos on them or not . I said sure, why not. She did not say photos were compulsory.

However, when it came to making them, many photos were missing or the links did not work, so we had to do it without photos.

I presented her the passes. She took one look and angrily said 'I wanted photos'.
I explained what had happened and reminded her of the conversation and she said.. Erm... No. I never said that.

I stood up for myself and said 'yes, you did'. She said right ok, and threw the passes down.

My colleague also said she had spoken to me very rudely and was being funny.

She still has made zero acknowledgement of my notice, not even 'ok, thanks'.

She also swore about another member of staff in front of myself and other TAs.

Why is her anger only directed at myself if 3 of us are leaving ?

I still have a month. I am dreading it, but will just try to avoid her.

OP posts:
Tyra435 · 28/10/2019 18:25

I apologise, that was so long !

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 28/10/2019 18:30

I have been in this position - wonder if it’s the same place? You’ve done the right thing so just keep your head down, you owe her nothing. Smile and keep doing what you’re doing.

Tyra435 · 28/10/2019 18:32

Maybe 😂 thanks, youre right. I'll just try to stick it out for the month. If she does anything else I will consider reporting her.

OP posts:
inwood · 28/10/2019 18:33

I don't work in your environment but head down, crack on would be my advice. The end is in sight.

Sarcelle · 28/10/2019 18:45

You don't owe her anything. People move on all the time. I would not give it a second thought, just give an occasional smirk. You are out of there soon.

Tyra435 · 28/10/2019 18:48

Yeah you guys are right, I don't. Just no idea why she's treating me this way, but I guess I will never know

OP posts:
Mousetolioness · 29/10/2019 08:02

Every day worked is one day closer to your new and better job and you might also quietly smile and think of it as another 'V' sign sent in her direction. That's how I'd look at it, anyway.

alreadyinchristmasmood · 29/10/2019 08:31

People have the right to do what's best for them. you don't owe her anything and even if you did that doesn't mean you have to spend your whole career there- she doesn't pay for your bills.

I've been in this situation- better to look forward to the end and don't get in any direct confrontation, it's not worth it.

Brefugee · 29/10/2019 08:37

keep your head down and get through each day. However it is very close to bullying so make sure someone knows so that if it gets worse you can report the escalation and if necessary get the doc to write you off with stress if you think that's an option.

Also as PP said: everyone is replaceable and you only have to think about yourself. People in vocational jobs like yours are taken advantage because they care so much. Don't fall into the trap of being guilt-tripped about leaving.

CoraPirbright · 29/10/2019 08:39

Thank goodness its only a month left. Agree with pp’s - keep your head down and just push on through. If its any comfort, your boss is showing herself up to be a horrible bully to everyone else!

LannisterLion1 · 29/10/2019 09:18

I had a boss who did this, best thing to do is stick up for yourself assertively as you have done with the passes and be cool and professional otherwise. My boss didn't even say bye on my last day but expected to be treated to a drink after work (i got a round in for the other 7 i worked with who were nixe). Needless to say he didn't get one.

I have worked with his company professionally since then and what a surprise he kissed my arse as he wanted a discount on our services.

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