to find it irritating when people use the larger fitting rooms when they don't need to?

[LILLYSHILLINGS]

I'm disabled. I have to use crutches and find it extremely difficult to move around in a small changing room. I've just waited 35 mins whilst two women have been trying on dresses for their do next weekend. One of them even said 'I hope there's nobody disabled outside' to which the other one laughed. I should have confronted them but I am extremely awkward in social situations. I suffer with social anxiety. It never bothers me when someone with a pram or children use them as it's a safety risk to leave them unattended. I am all for being sensible. I am just tired of wasting time because of people who are selfish. AIBU? Or is it just the norm to go straight to the bigger changing room even when the others are free?

Doesn't the fitting room have an attendant you could approach?

You are being a bit unreasonable, I think. You'd rather seethe for half an hour than knock and ask if they could move to another fitting room?

I think the issue is OP that accessible changing rooms are rarely signed as such and so people just take them if they are free.

In my opionion they should be. It's unfair that you have to wait for the one changing room you can use to be free.

I would ask an assistance if they could see if the people using it could move when one becomes free

The time to address is was then. A pretty simple request for them to use another changing room so you could use the larger one.

@VladmirsPoutine
Yabu. It's a changing room not a disabled toilet.

Yep, agree 100%.

I use the accessible one because it is bigger and it has a pulley in it in case I get stuck (which has happened on more than one occasion but thankfully never in a changing room).

She did indeed say that, I am no liar. But accept that you are entitled to not believe me.

I accept that I am being unreasonable

I can't believe someone is calling a disabled person entitled for wanting to use facilities there to make their life easier.
Fucking hell! How about the women inside laughing about how they hope there isn't a disabled person waiting showing they know they shouldn't be in there.

Op yanbu, it would have been better if you'd said "actually there is a disabled person out here" but I understand why you didn't feel comfortable doing so.

That said OP, I am completely advocating that people with disabilities should have access to all and every space including changing rooms. But the issue herein lies that you are feeling aggrieved for no good reason. You could have left. You could have flagged the attention of a store attendant. Thing is unlike people that have e.g radar keys or blue badges, changing rooms are a free for all. And what if one of the women had an anxiety disorder or some sort that rendered her unable to cope with a small cubicle. Pick your battles and grievances wisely.

You aren't being unreasonable.

We should be aware of people around us and how our behaviour or choices could impact on them.

Whether that's on public transport, or changing rooms etc.

Our local asda, used to use their disabled changing room for storage. It got my Mum (a wheelchair user) a £20 voucher, but it still shouldn't happen.

It's, what seems small stuff, that really impacts on disabled people and can put them off going out.

I find it so hard to know whether I am right or wrong. I have Asperger's, and also just came out of a horribly abusive relationship where I wasn't allowed an opinion or to even go out at the best of times. I do accept that IABU. I have a huge number of issues, hence why I was unsure of whether I was just being silly or not. I don't think Mumsnet is the best place for me as I don't think like a regular person.

Bigger changing rooms aren't automatically accessible ones. One of our shops had the changing rooms in a funny location and theyre a range of sizes. Another has two fractionally larger ones because theres a little extra space in the area.

Either way people use whatever changing space is free. There's no point having an empty changing room and a queue just in case. If someone needs a bigger room then surely just ask the attendant if you can use the larger one when it becomes free

There was no attendant. But I get the idea now. In being silly.

I don't think you're being silly, but in busy shops I've used them - in fact, if there's a queue I find attendants will usher you into the larger one if it's the next one available.

If you can work on the anxiety that prevents you from asking people to move (I know I would, willingly) it'll save you a lot of hassle. Otherwise sadly I think you're best trying to time your shopping for very quiet periods.

You're not being silly. I'd contact the store and ask that they put a notice on the large cubicle designating it an accessible one, and if they're a chain that they do it in every store. Every store should have one, it shouldn't be for those with disabilities to be tracking down assistants or asking other customers to move.

You aren't being silly OP - some people on here seem to have an empathy bypass - just ignore them

@LolaSmiles Do your shops not make adjustments for disabled people without having to be asked?

Otherwise sadly I think you're best trying to time your shopping for very quiet periods.

Disabled people should stay home whenever it's busy? Don't want to put anybody out do we?

OP, have you sought any help since leaving the abusive relationship? Your Asperger's prevents you from seeing things as an NT person might do but I can tell you there are many twats abound in the NT world. It's more about expressing yourself. This issue seems more of a red-herring because as a PP said when that woman said "I hope there's nobody disabled" I would have yelled "Well yes there is, and I've been waiting for over half an hour but you enjoy yourselves" or something equally snarky.

OK - Absolute honesty here. It really never occurred to me that the larger changing rooms were for disable use. I always thought they were for families or groups. Myself and my DD's use them when we go out, as I felt, rather the use four cubicles, using one is more economical. I also prefer using the larger ones, as I get really claustrophobic if the other cubicles are really small.

So I apologise. But, you really must ask, as I have also never seen a sign signalling usage, and I am sure (hope) there are lots of others like me, to whom it just doesn't register, and wouldn't mind moving if asked.

If it's marked as an accessible changing room for disabled people then YANBU. As for disabled loos, I'd expect it to be kept free.

But if there's just one changing room bigger than the others it wouldn't occur to me not to use it. In fact, you'll probably end up being directed to it/it being counted as a free changing room if it's busy.

I don’t think your being silly OP. There’s no need at all, they’re there for a reason. Yes it is nice to have extra space but they don’t NEED it.

Do your shops not make adjustments for disabled people without having to be asked?
Are you expecting people to be psychic and "know" without asking who needs an accessible space?
There's space available. It doesn't mean it's reasonable to keep a cubicle spare for 8 hours a day and at peak times on the off chance that someone wants to use it.

I've seen parents use a larger cubicle because they can get the kids both changed in it.

There's the need to access a larger cubicle and there's the want to access a larger cubicle without waiting. The former is reasonable, the second isn't. Either wait for the larger cubicle to become available or when you get to the fitting rooms ask to use the larger one when it becomes free.

You are being just a little bit entitled here. I use whichever changing room is available.

Yabu. It's a changing room not a disabled toilet. And I'm also struggling to believe one of them said "I hope there's nobody disabled outside". People just use the next available changing room

Thing is unlike people that have e.g radar keys or blue badges, changing rooms are a free for all

What do you think all the bars, high flat padded seat and the red emergency cord are for? So you can get the attention of the sales assistant when you get stuck whilst indulging in your weird sex fetish involving disabled equipment?

What vile, nasty, shitty, ableist things to write - I've reported.

Most stores if they have the bright blue wheelchair picture to sign-post the cubicle and the bars and red cord do prioritise people with disabilities as they should because most people with disabilities can't physically fit into a standard cubicle. If I can't use the disabled changing room I have to go home as I can't physically fit in a standard changing room.

In my city:
River Island
M&S
Primark
Oasis
Top Shop
Warehouse
Debenhams
Have sign-posted the larger changing room as a Disabled Changing Room and Top Shop and Primark in particular very rarely let other people use them. Top Shop have actually chained off the Disabled Changing Room.

M&S also refer to it as a Disabled Changing Room and they have specific tables in the cafe with the blue wheelchair picture on and again will ask people to vacate these tables.

Does one of you charming peaches work in M&S in Birmingham who told me when I asked to use the Disabled changing room as I have a disability, replied whilst tutting and eye-rolling and whilst she was looking right at the wheelchair picture as it's at eye-level "I like to save the disabled changing room for mums with prams at the weekends as my mummy friends prefer it".

And yes she actually said 'Disabled Changing Room'.

@LILLYSHILLINGS you are definitely not being unreasonable and you continue to use the DISABLED changing rooms.

But I get the idea now. I'm just being silly
I'm so sorry a few nasty bullies have made you feel like this. AIBU can be quite blunt but it should be just as unacceptable to make ableist comments as it is to make racist comments but AIBU is not quite there yet.

People with 2 fully functioning arms and legs lead very sheltered lives when it comes to being bullied and don't understand the amount of abuse people with disabilities have to put up with on a daily basis whilst just doing everyday things such as shopping or sitting on a bus.
I was subjected to 15 minutes of shit from a woman who wanted to use the disabled changing room in Primark and was told she couldn't, and anyway it was already in use so I can well believe the other customers made that comment. She made vile ableist comments the whole time we were in the changing rooms.

I'm sorry you came across such a pair of ignoramuses. Since the threads about about people buying Radar keys even though they're not disabled this isn't an entire surprise.

The entitled/unthinking attitudes never fails to amaze me.