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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend & her Wedding & TTC

31 replies

getoutofthatgarden202 · 28/10/2019 12:11

Was out with a very good friend the other night - she is engaged and has planned this big extravagant wedding that is in 18 months time! We were catching up and had a nice time hearing about the plans getting all excited about it etc

Then I told her that my Husband and I had plans to start ttc early next year after a big 8 week trip we have planned :) we are very excited!

Her mood changes, she starts estimating/counting up months on her fingers and gets a bit annoyed that we are considering this as it might clash with her wedding day!! I laughed and said I can't just wait for another year just to ensure it doesn't clash with her wedding!

She said there's no rush, your still young, just leave it a few extra months, we really want to have you guys there and I would be so upset if you missed it...

I just tried to laugh it off and move on (it's all hypothetical anyway as nothings happened yet and it's all ages away!)

Anyway she sulked about it for the rest of the evening and even when we'd moved the chat on she would bring it up again later as if she was trying to get me to agree to wait!

I love my friends and am excited for them & looking forward to the wedding - but think it's so unreasonable of her to try and make me agree to put my life on hold for an extra year just so I can attend an event that is just one day!!

She's being a bit crazy right??

My husband was so annoyed about her attitude said he feels like trying to plan it so the baby comes right on time for a clash and we can't attend anymore - hahaha

OP posts:
Jessbow · 28/10/2019 12:46

Why should being pregnant dictate you availiblity to attend her wedding? How weird.

That said, I cannot really understand people telling others they plan to start trying to concieve. Who elses business is that?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/10/2019 12:49

yes shes crazy, I wouldnt engage on it just chit chat as usual, its totally her issue.

BTW good luck with the wedding, clearly she's going to be a fun one, plenty of bridezilla threads to follow: requesting you to remortgage your house to fund her hen night etc.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2019 12:51

Your "friend" is a self-absorbed fuckwit. You're planning a family, and she actually thinks you should live your life around her stupid wedding. Unbelievable. I'd be so put off I wouldn't be going, baby or no baby.

FuckOffBoris · 28/10/2019 12:53

AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOGA

This is your early warning that a Bridezilla is approaching

Buckle up, this is going to be bumpy

AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOGA

misspiggy19 · 28/10/2019 12:56

I wouldn’t put off trying to conceive for anything. You just don’t know how long it will take to conceive

Thescrewinthetuna · 28/10/2019 13:00

Your friend is a bitch and not really a friend. Do not put your life on hold for someone else’s wedding. If she brings it up again don’t pander to it. ‘Your wedding is ages away, my life doesn’t revolve around you’

RavenLG · 28/10/2019 13:07

Bah, as someone currently planning her own wedding, your friend is being very very selfish. My MoH has been trying tcc and I knew it might be that she would be massively pregnant at the time of the wedding. I told her as soon as she mentioned it that I want her at the wedding but if she is too big / too close to date / too soon after the birth / generally too fucking much with a baby, the important thing is her and baby and if she didn't make it then I would completely understand. The most important thing to me was that she was happy and having a baby is something she has wanted since she was married 6 years ago. (as it turns out tcc went VERY VERY well and she's already gotten pregnant and had baby before the wedding lol).

Asking to postpone for aesthetics of a wedding is a ludicrous idea and the high of selfishness. It's one fucking day that most people don't give a shit about.

Does she have form for being like this?

Scrapbookqueen1 · 28/10/2019 13:08

It’s 18 months away and this is the level of bridezilla that she has reached already! Wonder what she’ll be like a year from now. Although after the wedding she will look back on her behaviour and cringe.

itsbetterthanabox · 28/10/2019 13:10

I agree she shouldn't care if you are pregnant during wedding.
But is it that she thinks you could be in labour or just given birth then so may not come at all?

Winterdaysarehere · 28/10/2019 13:10

Ring her several times a week and ask her if it's OK for you to shag your dh , would she prefer you used a condom?
She will realise how bonkers she is being...

TricklBOO · 28/10/2019 13:12

Up from the depths
Thirty stories high
Breathing fire
Her head in the sky
Bridezilla!
Bridezilla!
Bridezilla!

Original poster
getoutofthatgarden202 · 28/10/2019 13:23

hahaha!! She's not normally like this but since this wedding planning started shes gone a bit nuts - and there's another 18months to go!! yikes!!

I wish I didn't say anything now about ttc - but shes a very good friend of mine and we usually share things like this!

I won't be putting anything off, we will be going ahead with our plans and if it clashes it clashes!! Being pregnant won't stop me from going, it would suck that I have to miss it if the due date was super close to the Wedding and I couldn't make it - but what can you do!!

I only had my own Wedding last year and the best man's baby was due literally days before the wedding - we just had a back up in case he couldn't come if his wife was in labour or something - we were nothing but supportive and excited for them (I did joke with them about their timing of course but it was very much tongue in cheek)

It worked out in the end and baby arrived 3 days before and they all ended up attending our day :)

OP posts:
Itsallpetetong · 28/10/2019 13:29

It’s 18 months away and this is the level of bridezilla that she has reached already! Wonder what she’ll be like a year from now

^agree. She will have fallen out with everyone by the time she gets married. She is BVU to expect you to put ttc on hold.

00100001 · 28/10/2019 13:34

Yep, just wait for the drama drama drama.
She'll have more than one hen do, one will be abroad, and she'll be expecting you all to fork out to attend and cover her share.there will also be a hen weekend where a cottage/house of some sort is hired for around 10 of you. It will be expensive.

There will also be a colour code.

GreenTulips · 28/10/2019 13:36

Buckle up, this is going to be bumpy

Hopefully in more ways than one

inwood · 28/10/2019 13:40

Oh goodness, I hope for your sake you get a due date on the wedding day so you have a get out clause!

Clangus00 · 28/10/2019 13:49

She sounds as though she’s petrified that you’re going to “steal her thunder” with your possible future baby.
As everyone else says, bridezilla!

Crunchymum · 28/10/2019 13:55

Are you a bridesmaid? Or just a guest?

JenniR29 · 28/10/2019 13:58

She’s being unreasonable but probably doesn’t mean to be. The wedding is a big deal for her and she wants everyone she loves involved.

I was in a similar situation with two of my bridesmaids, I didn’t do anything but be totally supportive but deep down part of me didn’t want them to be pregnant or have really small babies because I wanted them to have unrestricted fun at my hen do and wedding (selfish I know).

Even if this is how she feels shouldn’t have said that to you though, her wedding plans shouldn’t put your life on hold, all she’s done is make the situation awkward for you both.

SunshineAngel · 28/10/2019 14:03

The wedding is 18 months away, so there's every chance your baby will be conceived and born with a few months to spare! Other than that, the only reason you wouldn't be able to go is if you were literally giving birth - and any normal friend would excuse you and be happy for you if that was the case!

People do my head in who think they own the entire year they get married, and nobody else is able to do anything else until it's over.

Good luck TTC!

WillYouDoTheFandango · 28/10/2019 14:07

I had this. The bride actually stormed out of the restaurant after I told her I was TTC.

Apparently I should just wait the 18 months and because I’ve never been married I couldn’t see her point of view. My other friends begged me to apologise to her to stop it being awkward but fuck that.

Original poster
getoutofthatgarden202 · 28/10/2019 14:42

Yeah it's all a bit mad tbh - I came home from our night out really annoyed about it - my husband thought it was hilarious though that she even mentioned it!!

I think she is just very overly excited about her big day and possibly it is coming from a place of - she wants us there as we are very good friends of hers and she doesn't want us to miss it!! It will be a relatively small wedding so us not being there would be a shame!

OP posts:
spanglydangly · 28/10/2019 14:43

Jesus I've heard it all now, brides expecting people to plan families around their weddings!

Asgoodasarest · 28/10/2019 16:13

Don’t automatically assume it’s because she is worried you’ll steal her thunder or coming from a bad place. She may well just really want everyone involved she cares about and is worried it would mean you wouldn’t be there or unsurprisingly distracted.
Of course you can’t be expected to change your plans and she’s unreasonable to expect you to (and repeatedly bring it up). Just don’t write her off as an awful bridezilla if she’s otherwise always been a brilliant friend.

Cheeseandwin5 · 28/10/2019 16:32

To be honest, I do find your comments a bit strange.
She is talking about her wedding and the excitement that comes with that and instead of sharing this, you start on trying to get pregnant. Its like some crazy one up man ship you are engaging in.
She now knows you may not be able to come or help with any of the activities and may not be able to attend the wedding either.
I am not sure why anyone would make that comment apart to annoy someone else.