Try and keep this as short as possible as It could go on forever.
I have an ok relationship with MIL. She is a bit of a control freak and grudges that we have never given her free rein with our DC. We definitely have different outlooks on life and we passively aggressively clash all the time.
We live in a different country now (did live a lot closer up until a few years back) and for this reason don’t see them that often. I do feel sad that all miss out on the nice times we had before move, especially for our DC as they love and miss them lots.
Dear sil also has 3 DC. Completely different relationship with her parents and DC with their grandparents. SIL has relied on them heavily for childcare, emotional support and they now all live spitting distance of each other.
I wouldn’t say in-laws particularly favour or love one set of grandchildren any more than the other but obviously with SIL’s kids being in mil’s day to day life (school/club runs, hospital appointments, school plays, dance shows etc, meal times) they dominate the conversation a lot when we call or when they visit and if can become really tedious. I really try to bite my tongue but I feel for my DC when they haven’t seen them in 6 months of phone weekly to give them their news that that she always brings it back to SIL’s kids. Again it’s never done in a mean or snide way and I do think part of it is she doesn’t want both sets of grandchildren to lose their bond (DH, BIL and SIL were very close to their cousins growing up) but she does seem to consider their news as hers and my 3 very quickly loses interest as they try and tell her about their ballet exam and she drifts onto a story and SIL getting into a discussion with DN’s brownie teacher!
I possibly also feel the difference of treatment of DGC due to me being the DIL opposed to the DD and SIL is definitely the favourite of the siblings with them doing everything for her from FIL getting up every winter morning and de-icing the car to them cleaning for her when she is at work and offering to have her DC so she can do things like food shops and and DIY jobs. DH always reminds me that we never wanted that level of involvement from them and the trade of for that would be awful (judgment, interfering comments, not following our parenting methods) and he’s right but sometimes it’s sticks in my teeth a little.
MIL has wanted to bring SIL’s kids to visit for a long time, different term dates and our lack of interest have held them at bay up until now but unfortunately our pink passes seemed have ran out and she has booked a week in the spring.
We love having the in-laws and are always very welcoming, equally we would love to have SIL and her kids (who have been invited many times) but the thought of them all visiting at the same time is already raising my blood pressure. DSIL (who is married) is the only person that has not visited since we moved and it’s grates that she is relying IL’s to bring and help the kids and also that (admittedly pettily) my DC really look forward to their time with GP’s and for all the above feel they are going to miss out a bit.
(Not sure if we needed that back story but it’s felt like therapy writing it down!!)
Speaking to MIL last night and she mentions that SIL kids (particularly eldest niece) are very excited to visit and that she had been there when they booked trains and cottage. She then drops in of course she won’t be staying with us as she has already said she will be staying with you and DC for the week while we are here and she is so looking forward to it.
I’m not sure why it has riled me so much, We had every intention of asking if the DC wanted to have a sleepover when they’re here, my DC would love it too but it’s also going to be our week holiday which we have both taken of, we already have 3 DC of our own as well as livestock that take a bit of work morning and night not to mention we haven’t had a fucking break from our kids in ages least a year SIL seems to lucked in again with having a easy time of it...
AIBU to tell them to manage DN’s expectations a bit better, learn some some manners and wait for invite and basically get fucked or for the sake to the kids do I bite my tongue.