Attacked by mum

[Pinktop]

Visit my mum at the weekend. She physically attacked me during a verbal altercation about something minor. I’m strong enough to fend her off and we kind of cleared the air... she hasn’t apologised! long long back story of awful behaviour from her , diagnosed NPD but there is just no treatment so I don’t see her changing.
AIBU to go NC with her?

Yanbu.

I I would not visit again, go LC.

Yanbu

You have to be happy with whatever contact you choose.

Is this out of character?

YANBU.

Definitely go NC, just because she your mum doesn't mean you need to let her abuse you.

You may want to look at the 'stately homes' thread in the relationship section of Mumsnet it a place for people who have had difficult relationship with their parents/family. The people on those threads will be able to give you both good advice and support.

Can I ask, did you have children with you during this visit?

If it were me, I’d be conducting a relationship via text message from now on. No contact face to face.

She has prior. She actually said it was ok for her to hit me as she was my mum! Thanks for the validation that helps .

Call the police on 111 and decide where to go from there. There's no way I'd see my mum ever again after that incident because it'll happen again. It's just a matter of time before she increases the level of violence once she realises how much you'll take.

Slowly withdraw contact before going completely n/c to avoid drama & continuous messages forcontact. So redirect her calls to voicemail & then take your time before calling her if at all. If you visit her weekly then make it fortnightly first. Then increase the time between each visit before finally stopping them all together.

If you don't give any consequences for what she did, she will do it again. She's not even apologetic.

Police is not 111, you will get a very surprised call handler if you dial 111, I think the police is 101.

Yes sorry it's 101

OP there is never any excuse for someone hitting you (unless in self defence!). Mum, partner, whoever, noone gets to hit you and this is not ok or normal behaviour. Go NC as I feel like that's what you want to do but you want 'permission' as part of you must think it's an awful thing to do to a parent? ITS NOT. You sound like a good daughter and a good person, do what you need to do to look after yourself.

Also, because she is a close family member her physical (and potentially emotional) abuse is considered domestic abuse. Lots of people don't know that. Women's aid are a great source of emotional support and information.

Thank you everyone. Thank you so much x

Don't invite her for Christmas & don't visit her either.

NOONE not even your mum has the right to hit you or even put aggressive hands on you ever

That is the rule you need to believe and live by from now on ok.

Growing up with a mother like yours (even though you haven't actually said but I can guess) means that from a very young age your boundaries and even the way your emotional self developed differently and was damaged because you didn't have a healthy way to learn.

You have to put your rights first and protect yourself from being treated badly because she never will so you have to. if you want to stay in contact she will not like it and behave badly when you start to put things in place to set boundaries and protect yourself but you have to be even stronger at that point because she is used to kicking off and you backing down.

She will likely always try to push anything you put in place so it will always be work to have a relationship but you will either learn to keep on being boundaried and she will mostly but unhappily realise it's not worth pushing in more than little ways or she will escalate and you will have no choice but to cut contact.

I'm very sorry pink. It is horrible living like this.

Sorry but her actions aren’t normal.

Arguments are bad enough - in fact there are things that can be angrily said that are unforgivable - let alone physically attacking you.

Don’t let her twist this around and try to blame you.

Cut her off and involve police if you need to.

I wouldn’t entertain seeing anyone who is physically violent regardless if you can fend them off. What happens if one day you cannot. You have an accent, heavily pregnant, serious illness etc. Would you trust this person to look after you and not abuse you. If the answer is no off to the far side of fuck for them.

You deserve better op. You truly do.

You say she has a diagnosis of NPD? You know the risks and the problems, and that however much you love and care about her you must put your own wellbeing first and foremost.
You have my utmost admiration for trying to have a relationship 💐