AIBU to ask for help on dealing with 7yo stealing things?

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N/c for this.
We’ve have DD who’s 7. She’s generally well behaved, quite popular at school, has couple of close friends and doing well academically. We are ok financially, she has everything, I do not buy her lots of stuff (as she already has plenty of toys and we are drowning in tat) but she regularly gets small bits and pieces every now and then - fancy stationary, odd notebook, small toys etc usually as a reward for doing well or good behavior. She gets few big toys for her birthdays and Xmas.
IMO she has more toys than your average 7yo child iykwim. Same with her clothes.

Couple of months ago she stole 2 tiny fancy bookmarks from a bookshop - I think they were £2 each. She asked me to buy it, I refused explaining that I think they are very expensive for what they are (two bits of metal) - couple of months later I found it in her room. She was told off and, as a punishment, she had to take her trinket box with said bookmarks and some jewelry to a local charity shop. I explained that stealing is very bad, people who steal end up in prison, I would not be tolerating it etc and made her promise to never take anything that doesn’t belong to her.

Then I noticed she regularly steals sweets and chocolates from the cupboard - I’m strict with sweets as she has bad teeth and her dentist recommended to ration it.

Yesterday I was tidying and found two pencil cases with some stationary that are clearly not hers - both were hidden behind her bookshelf. She explained that she found them in her backpack and hid them as she was afraid she will be told off by me for stealing - she insists that she didn’t steal it and has no idea how they got into her backpack. Couple of other girls at school have the same backpack so there’s a tiny chance that someone put it in there by accident - though none are in her class so realistically it couldn’t have happened.
Previously I found some lip balms that she explained her friends gave her.
I guess what I’m asking is, do I believe her? Do I make her return them to school?
Telling off and taking her toys away clearly doesn’t work - how do I teach her that stealing is unacceptable? Why does she do it? Am I too strict or she’s too spoilt? Has anyone else had similar experience?
I'm just completely embarrassed that my DD thinks it's ok to take things that do not belong to her

At a similar age, I was caught stealing money from my Mum's purse (for a Christmas edition packet of Revels!). My Mum threatened to take me to the police station where I would become a Juvenile Delinquent . I was terrified and it did the trick as I am now the most irritatingly law-abiding citizen in the world.

Does she get pocket money? Maybe start a weekly chore list so she gets weekly pocket money and can buy the things she wants with her own money. If it was my daughter I would make her watch a clip of life inside prison and tell her that’s what happens to people that steal. I tell my 5 year old naughty kids go to prison and wear orange (orange is the new black).

Then I noticed she regularly steals sweets and chocolates from the cupboard - I’m strict with sweets as she has bad teeth and her dentist recommended to ration it.

I’d struggle to think of a child helping herself to food or snacks in her own home as stealing tbh. If you’re strict with her does she know when she’s likely to get sweets or chocolate eg we have family movie night when the DC can choose a sweet treat, if they know they’ll get share of X they’re much less likely to help themselves.

In terms of the other bits, my DD could be a bit light fingered, so we have a rule that if it doesn’t belong to you, you don’t bring it home (which stops the “I just found it” line of defence). We also say that if someone wants to give them a gift they (either the child or their parent) needs to speak to my DH or I which stops the “X said I could have it” thing. If the person can’t speak to one of us, she’s not allowed to keep it.

I’ve also taken her back to a shop return something she stole after being told she couldn’t have it. She spoke to the store manager/owner, apologised and the manager explained that she had to cover the cost of stolen things from her wages. She’s never stolen since.

In my case I know what underpins the stealing behaviour and there’s a clear reason for her doing it which we have strategies for dealing with. Managing the behaviour is important but understanding why she’s doing it will help you to help her stop.

If my 7 year old was stealing from shops I would take her down there, make her give them back and admit what she did, and remove all privileges u TIL

Phone playing up: until such time as I was confident she understood how wrong it was.

I think I kind of understand why she is doing things...not saying its right but I think your dd is not understanding why she cannot have things. You say you are cluttered up with tat and she doesnt need more stuff but gets occassional treats...maybe this could be your starting point to make changes.You sound like you love your dd lots so be gentle with her not confrontational. My plan would be as a mum of a 7 yr old dd too...

1. have a day together sorting out all her things...she has too much tat like mine ..this makes it impossible to see exactly what she has got! Bet she has so many things she has forgotten like mine! We know they are there dd doesnt! So sort out all her things into 3 piles and let her see.Ask her to have a clear out with you.Keep pile...sell pile...and donate pile. Once you have done that and got rid of somethings it will make her happier and more settled.This works I promise you as kids have a short attention span and soon get really bored with stuff,if they are bored whats the point of keeping it? It becomes mess and it then is something to step over and it then becomes frustrating.If she can sell somethings on a fb selling site she can keep the money for herself and choose how to spend it...if she feels she is in charge and can get what she really wants it will give her confidence and she will look after her things more and also value the cost of things.I think sheis stealing because she wants or as my dd would say NEEDS a bookmark!!! Such a small thing at a low cost can become vital and all consumming to a 7 yr old.Think of the nagging power our girls have mine does it over lip balm of all things!!!Weeks she nagged for a unicorn lip balm at a fiver when all other lip balms would just not do it drove me mad I could see a total waste of money but she couldnt...It was all she needed it became a battle I wasnt wasting money so we found a compromise..she sold some jigsaws she didnt play with and in effect swapped them for the unicorn lip balm.She was so chuffed and i mean beyond excited cos she had got the lip balm but she knew by doing what we had that things were expensive and mummy couldnt always do it so we had to find a way round it...being responsible is a good learning skill for kids.I dont think the stealing here is a huge problem.I think it can be overcome.Like previous posters have said pocket money allows them to know what they have,what they can get and its good for them.As for taking things at home well ..is she being denied things too much maybe? We have a plastic bowl on our table every day of the year it is full of sweets and lollies.My husband and son grab lollies (idiots! but they love them!) everyone can help them selves at any time but when they are gone they are gone until next week when I go shopping again.Thing is when something is out on view and becomes not a treat its amazing about how quickly the need or want of them goes away.So rationing out them has the reverse effect...they become ..sorry waffling ..what I am trying to say is do you remember when we were young and we maybe used to drink a can of beer on a weekend at school cos we were daring and we couldnt but we did cos it was cool? it was forbidden but we wanted to do it? Well its the same thing with your sweets for your dd.She doesnt really want them but they are a treat so they become more desireable.If the sweets were out and she could help herself cos sheis used to them being there it will not be a treat and I bet she wont want them half as much cos they are just there..they then become boring!! This will also eliminate her taking them.She has no need to steal if they are there for her...Its all about you taking control but enabling her to make her own choices, choices that unbeknown to her are all being strictly controlled by you......I hope you get what I am trying to say...sorry for the epic waffle but I hope it helps and makes you and your dd happier...you have nothing to loose if you try any of the suggestions and maybe it could help....The advice worked for me ....