Living in fear of my ex

[red91]

I'll be brief. I just feel stuck. I don't know how to stop living in fear of my ex.

We have DC together. It wasn't a physically abusive relationship but it was emotionally. I was never scared while in the relationship, I just felt trapped and controlled.

I got out, thankfully. I met someone. His true colours came out.
He stalked outside my home waiting to see if someone was in there. He trashed my home when he realised someone was. He was aggressive and threatening and I had to stop him seeing our DC and eventually got a harassment notice in place, but he'd still text me and my family and then showed up at mine. And then within the past couple of weeks, he's chased after us when trying to drop my DC to nursery and smashed up our car.
I'm 30+ weeks pregnant. We've had to move out because I was so anxious but it still hasn't helped a whole lot - especially on some nights (like tonight) where the anxiety and fear just takes over.

All I can envision is him finding out where we are and kicking the door in or something along the lines of that - just the fear that something bad is going to happen. DC is only a toddler and I'm 30+ weeks pregnant and a lot of days I'm just not coping with this fear.

Any suggestions? Being in this situation is foreign to me - as I said I never had any fear in the relationship, it's all come in retaliation to the break up.

Hey. No real advice but wanted to reach out and say that sounds horrible. Do you have a restraining order? Women's Aid should be able to help. Read the Lundy book 'Why does he do that', it'll help you see it's him not you. All the best xx

It's your anxiety (I have an anxiety disorder) and I know how it feels for fears to get out of control.

One of my coping mechanisms is a journal, all the worry I write down and I find it in the long term helps, removing the thoughts from my brain. He won't find you and even if he does, you will phone for help, it will all be OK.

I am not minimising your previous horrible experiences with him, I am simply wanting to show you that even the scariest anxiety fuelled thoughts we can learn to calm them.

So sorry to hear your going thru this. I've been thru similar with my ex stalking us and ended up going into refuge which gave me and my girls a chance to breathe without worrying he was going to turn up. Please contact the National Stalking Helpline. I can't recommend them enough. They will speak to your local police SPOC (specialist stalking officer) and get them to take this seriously. Please phone them today and explain everything to them and they will make sure this gets taken seriously. Sadly lots of stalking behaviours are treated as harassment which doesn't go anywhere near showing the fear and distressed caused. They will push for him to be charged with 4A stalking which carries up to 10 years imprisionment tho they rarely get anything like that and will offer you advice on keeping safe. Hope all goes well xx