Returning to work after horrific year and need a bit of support

[LILLYSHILLINGS]

I'm returning to work on 31st of this month after a horrific year. I had a baby, left his dad due to all kinds of abuse ranging from sexual to emotional. I spoke to work about it a bit but didn't mention the sexual stuff to them as it was too personal. Relocated twice (the first time was when I fled, second I moved back with my parents). It's a flexible job even though it's tough going, so thankfully they've been kind enough to let me work remotely.

I'm really nervous about going back. My confidence is gone, and I don't think they understand the extent to which I am struggling. I am moving in to an office on my own with one other man I have never met before. I'm a bag of nerves. I just want to stay on maternity leave forever.

I'm trying to build myself back up but could really use a hand getting myself ready to go back. I'm a shell of who I was a year ago.

Bump

A handhold lass.

You can do this. You got through the tough time with your ex, you can get through this.

Hi, it’s sounds like you’ve had a horrendous time. You did really well to get out of the situation. Is there any chance you can get some therapy?

With work take it one step at a time, and be realistic that the first few weeks will be hard to adjust back into

Is there a part of you that is looking forward to it? If there is, can you focus on this part? Say to yourself: the first week I return to work, I'll earn X amount, so I'll be able to buy Z for the baby/my parents/myself. Plan some small rewards for getting through your first day (maybe flowers for the house) your first week - dinner with your parents eg the M&S £12 dine at home special. Try and build a positive commentary in your head: see you got through the first hour/day/week: you can do this. Give yourself a mental pat every time you do something well or efficiently or as well as you used to. Plan in advance how to handle mistakes. Stay calm and focus on solving them and skill-building. Remind yourself what a strong role model you will be to your child, to be earning a living and rebuilding a positive, safe life for your family.

Can you get a phased return?

I am waiting for therapy but it takes a while to get off the waiting list. Up to 18 months.

Thanks Millie. It helped to read that. I am looking forward to it but dreading leaving my son. Scared my ex will abduct him even though it's virtually impossible as he has no idea where the childminder is! I am stuck in my own head with my horrible intrusive thoughts.

It's a bit late for a phased return and think that would just delay the inevitable.

OP that's so much to deal with. Returning from mat leave is emotional enough so I can only imagine what you are going through. Hopeifully in the coming weeks you sill have settled back in & be feeling more confident

Can you ask for a meeting with your manager to discuss your concerns and feelings? Are nursery aware of your ex and your fears?

Does your employer have an employee assistance programme with access to counselling and support?

Have a hand hold - sounds like super tough time - going back to work is the start of your new normality. You can do it! Good luck

Take it one step at a time - getting into the office in day one and taking back some control for yourself.

Good luck

You are so much stronger than you think you are. You can absolutely do this. Your son is safe. Just take it one step at a time - get your first day done and then reflect again. Try to stay in the present xx

OK. You can do this.
Whatever happened with your ex, he can't take away your competency at work... Because he was never there. Whatever he did to abuse, gaslight you, reduce your confidence... All lies. Lies lies lies. He was never there with you when you were at work, holding your own, doing what you do, doing it well. You own that. You did that.

I had 2 decade's experience in HR. Your employer would not have negotiated remote working if the are any concerns about how hard you work, or how you're valued. They are being supportive, but I bet they also want you back because they need you!

Aside from what has passed, try to remember that some of your worries about returning to work are normal. We all worried about missing our babies, about how wanting to stay on leave, about how we would cope. I'm not trying to minimise what you've been through, more that, like pp, this could be something where you can get your normality back. You may find yourself getting back into work quicker than you thought. I remember feeling surprise at enjoying, a few weeks in, how competent, I felt. I missed my kids, but liked feeling in control iykwim?

Either way, good luck!

Hand hold here, going back to work will be a great step to feeling independent from ex. Its a positive thing to do, you should feel proud of yourself for getting away from him.
Now get your life going again starting with your job. You can do it! Good luck.

How you doing lass?

Good wishes

Mid morning, day 1. Should be on your second cuppa at least by now.

How is is going?

Two short days. Get yourself settled in. It does get easier.

You can do this!