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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's her turn?

17 replies

Leafyyellows · 27/10/2019 19:23

My friend had her son last Christmas, and is going back to work this week. During her maternity leave we met to have coffee with the baby every now and then. I took time off work here and there to do so. We never met on a weekend (my days off), because her partner was also off then and I understood that she wanted to see him.

We're arranging a coffee for a couple of weeks time. She's told me that she can meet on a Tuesday or Thursday because they're now her days off. But they're not mine.

AIBU to think I've done my part in taking time from work?

OP posts:
Strangerthingshere · 27/10/2019 19:29

I think it's quite bizarre to take time off work to meet a friend for coffee Confused so YANBU

Original poster
Leafyyellows · 27/10/2019 19:31

I think it's quite bizarre to take time off work to meet a friend for coffee

I didn't take whole days off, just went hour for an hour or so.

OP posts:
Original poster
Leafyyellows · 27/10/2019 19:31

*out for

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 27/10/2019 19:31

Yes she a cf, I would meet her in the evening or weekend or wouldn’t bother

amymel2016 · 27/10/2019 19:32

YANBU, I wouldn’t expect to see a friend in the week unless they also were part-time/had it off. Sounds like you’ve been very supportive, she needs to make time when you’re free now.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 27/10/2019 19:32

How much annual leave do you have? Don’t you have more important things to use it on.

YABU to expect everyone else to waste their annual leave on coffee dates just because you did.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 27/10/2019 19:32

Just tell her you work Tue and Thu. It sounds like your friendship isn't going to fit into both your schedules now. Maybe you could arrange to meet some evening just the 2 of you, rather than during the day with the baby.

RainbowUnicorn1 · 27/10/2019 19:33

YANBU. I'm sure she could have managed a couple of hours away from her partner throughout her full mat leave. I certainly wouldn't continue to be the one making all the effort if I was you.

fluffyhousen · 27/10/2019 19:37

I would imagine if it's never been properly discussed, that she thinks you can come and go fairly easily at your job and perhaps thinks she's doing you a small favour in not wasting your weekends also.

Most likely just a cf though Grin

highheelsandwitcheshats · 27/10/2019 19:44

Just tell her that you can't do Tues/Thurs. I don't work Mondays. One of my closest friends only works 1 Monday in 4, so we try to meet up on a Monday, but sometimes it can be weeks.
Otherwise why not meet in the evening? Sounds like you've set a bit of a precedent that just needs shaking.

Original poster
Leafyyellows · 27/10/2019 19:49

How much annual leave do you have? Don’t you have more important things to use it on. I get a lot.

YABU to expect everyone else to waste their annual leave on coffee dates just because you did. I don't expect her to use it. I do expect her to suggest a later time when neither of us are at work, or use her lunch break.

Maybe you could arrange to meet some evening just the 2 of you, rather than during the day with the baby. I would bloody love this, but she just doesn't seem to be interested in meeting later on. She always wants to bring the baby.

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 27/10/2019 20:10

well if she isn't interested in meeting you at any other time than ones which suits her.....tells you all you need to know then doesn't it?

I'd rather use my one hour a/l and book myself in for an hour massage etc than set aside all that time just for her convenience.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 27/10/2019 20:16

I suspect she thinks that your work is flexible enough that you can just decide to slip out for an hour and make up the time whenever you fancy. If it isn't - or if it is, but you don't want to do that - tell her. She'll either arrange to meet you at other times that are more mutually convenient or you'll stop meeting altogether.

BackforGood · 27/10/2019 20:43

It seems you have given the impression that you either have hours and hour of flexi / TOIL or you just have really flexible working hour or masses of AL you don't know what to do with. So not unreasonable to think you still have, if you have had so for the last 12 months.

Do you both work part time, but with different days off ?

She always wants to bring the baby.

Is she only meeting you on her day off then ?

Do you work close enough to each other to be able to meet for lunch when you are at work (if both your jobs allow you that flexibility of time) ?

I would tell her straight, that, whilst it is lovely to see the baby every now and then, in truth it is her you are friends with and that sometimes it would be nice to see each other as you did before, just the 2 of you (or with other mates or whatever you used to do).

SoyDora · 27/10/2019 20:46

Is it because she thinks you’ll want to see the baby?

GettingABitDesperateNow · 27/10/2019 20:50

Why dont you reply my days off are x, if you cant make these then how about a night out in a few weeks, it's been ages since we had some proper grown up time together. Maybe when she goes back to work she will be more used to being without the baby

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/10/2019 20:51

It probably hasn't occurred to her because you've always been flexible about it. I'd just say that you'd rather meet when you're also not working going forward.

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