Are looks really that threatening?

[Halloweenmaz]

I am very prepared to be flamed. I remember a thread a year or two ago where a lady said she felt she got dirty looks from other women as she was pretty. Well this is kind of the same.

I feel like us women as very much in contest with each other and instead of supporting and building each other up we will make snide comments, stab each other in the back and tear each other down.

IME women who i have been friends with and considered my best friends have stabbed me in the back. Bullying me, leaving me out, going after my exes, talking behind my back. Maybe i am too nice, maybe they feel threatened by me. I dont know why because well my life is far from perfect.

This is not a stealth boast but i have been told im a pretty woman, but i lack confidence, self esteem and have bad anxiety. Women assume i should be outgoing and judge me, therefore i get called stuck up. Are women really that threatened by looks? Because obviously there is more to a person than just the outside.

AIBU to feel sad that this has happened to me and i feel my "friends" are not truly there for me?

Personally I don't think it has a lot to do whether someone is more attractive, I think it's more to do with peoples own insecurities... You'd be surprised what can intimidate or make people jealous. It's more to do with them rather than anything else.

Also, research suggests we are actually more likely to trust and like "attractive" people.

May be those examples I gave recently weren't to do with looks. But other examples were and it does happen. I said I'm not boasting and saying looks at me I'm gorgeous. Because I wouldn't say that. Other people have.

Like other PP have said you get jumped on if you dear to say you're an attractive person.

Someone disagreeing with your comments about looks is not jumping on you for daring to say you are attractive... this is the problem, you are making ANY issue all about how attractive you are and that's not actually a good look. How about you don't judge other people's behaviour towards you being only about the way you look and look a bit deeper.

I'm sure some women are like this but not all. I have a couple of really beautiful friends (the kind of women who men stop and stare at in the street). I don't feel threatened by them. They're just people. To be honest I'd hate to get the kind of attention they do - yes really.

I think some people ARE coming across as bitchy because OP dares to suggest she is attractive. For what it's worth OP, you don't sound remotely big headed and I totally get where you're coming from.

Personally I've always suffered with cripplingly low self esteem, to the point where sometimes I'll be out and catch sight of myself in a mirror and feel so self conscious and low about myself that I have to go home. I can't bear to be looked at, it just triggers something deeply uncomfortable in me.

However- in a flattering light, at the right angle and when the stars align to give me a decent hair & makeup day, I've been given some very nice compliments about my looks. I also think, objectively, that I'm one of those strange people who can sometimes look highly attractive (humble, I know) but also has the capacity to look hugely ugly- the biggest minger in town, I shit you not. How I manage both extremes I dont know, but oh I manage.

Anyway, back to the point- I'm usually of a very reserved nature (see self esteem) and have been accused of arrogance etc over the years. Which amazed me, because it really couldn't be further from the truth and those who get to know me realise pretty quickly I'm anything but. And yes, I do think its linked to being perceived as "attractive".

Someone perceived as unattractive (ie me, every other weds, thurs and fri), avoiding eye contact, not speaking much or smiling, I doubt would be accused of arrogance. I think their shyness and discomfort would be expected and understood.

Newsflash- people can be bitchy. It stems from insecurity and assumptions.

I’ve heard other women say stuff like ‘Ooh, she’s got a brilliant figure. Bitch’. Automatic hatred/nasty comment because someone’s attractive. I’ve been perceived as a cow because I’m a big girl. Everyone assumes I can cope with anything and do anything, I’m really strong emotionally etc because of this.

The first thing people see is the physical aspect of others, hence the easy nastiness and casual racism when comments are shouted in the street.

research suggests we are actually more likely to trust and like "attractive" people

I agree. Attractive people get preferential treatment from everyone. But there's a difference between naturally attractive and the whole "Love Island" look where someone's trying to look like a glamour model from 2005. 😅 I must admit that I do judge women who look like that a little bit, because they're making a lot of active choices to look like that, i.e. have risky operations and spend a lot of money on treatments in order to look "sexy" for men. (Let's be honest, it's not "beautiful" they're going for...) I don't judge anyone by their natural looks however.

“I agree. Attractive people get preferential treatment from everyone.”

Attractive women definitely do not get preferential treatment from other women.

I’ve heard other women say stuff like ‘Ooh, she’s got a brilliant figure. Bitch’.

Every single time I've heard such a comment made it was intended as a joke. And didn't we already have one of these 'God it's so tough being drop dead gorgeous because women are all bitches who hate me' posts a few weeks ago?

Most research suggests that being attractive has all sorts of advantages, for men and women. But we already knew that. Many people go out of their way to be better looking. Almost nobody tries to be ugly, even those who claim their beauty is such a burden to them.

If you are good looking but have a quieter personality then people assume you're stuck up

This. Pretty and self conscious and/or shy is a really tough combination. The assumption is that the woman thinks she's better than everyone else when shes actually socially anxious - leads to a vicious cycle of female back stabbing and rejection.

Dangerously, these women are then ripe for picking off from the herd by abusive-type men.

Difficult to talk about (as evidenced above ) and very sad.

Thank you @picsinred! This is exactly it and yes I have been with abusive men. Obviously not all to do with looks but my low self esteem had played a part in it. I'm working really hard now on building it and finally having counselling. It is a real thing and for some people to just not understand and thinking I'm boasting I'm really not. Its really does damage you

Oh right, so only attractive women get abused by men?

The problem with a few people on this thread is that you are claiming things happen to you because you are attractive, rather than recognising that these things happen to MANY women regardless of looks, because some people are just shitty human beings. I'm not saying the behaviour of others is acceptable but I think complaining it's because of your looks is a bit

I don't think it is hate it is insecurity on some women's mind.
When I was 17/18 I was extremely jealous and insecure around beautiful women when my ex was around, it was silly he was the sleaze ball who couldn't be trusted.
I turned into a bit of a swan from an ugly duckling child, I noticed some woman treated me different though as I'd experienced both sides I always make an effort to judge people on their personality.
It is ingrained in us to think the popular beauty has to be a cow from TV, the mean girl cheerleaders etc.
Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.
Ugliness and beauty comes from the inside.

There are many women on here who are beautiful funny charming and kind, I've never saw their face though I can tell from their posts.
I won't name as there are to many. 😁