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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do you know it's over

6 replies

Endoftheroad2019 · 27/10/2019 07:53

So as the title says - how do you know a relationship is over when there has been no cheating or abuse, but the spark has gone?

Background - Dh and I have been together 14 years, married 8, got together late teens, now early thirties. One dc (3)

Have been through a lot, grown up together, relationship was great for most of it but since the arrival of DC we seem to be struggling more and more and want different things.

Dh has worked in the same job since leaving school, has had a couple of promotions (is now a team leader level) and works a very manual job that also involves shift work, which is a lot of nights but also a lot of time off. Before dc this worked fine as I got used to picking up most of the stuff round the house and was happy to let him not do much on his days off as he worked hard.

I have moved round jobs a bit, have recently been promoted to a managers role which is significantly harder than I thought but I love it, but does mean longer hours and travelling which makes juggling childcare with dh's shifts interesting. He moans if I am not home for dinner on days when he is not on nights, but if he is on nights, I do all the drop offs and picks ups and bedtimes while he stays in bed for 12 hours a day.

He still goes to football every weekend (which I used to do as well before dc) I don't begrudge him going at all as it gives me time with dc, but he still drinks 8 or 9 pints while out, and then has a hangover the next day so I'm expected to do everything all day.

We have always had different sex drives, but recently mine has dwindled a lot more, possibly hormonal changes but also as I am exhausted. Dh wants hours of sex a night, ever night, I'm happy a couple of times a week and get told that most women would love to be wanted every night and I am ungrateful.

Not really sure what I am after, guess I am just feeling under appreciated and not sure if this is what I want anymore!

Well done if you made it to the end!

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 27/10/2019 08:20

Can’t you say all this to him?!

Beesandcheese · 27/10/2019 08:28

He sounds awful. He basically doesnt parent and expects sex. It sounds like you've nothing to respect there.

Endoftheroad2019 · 27/10/2019 08:31

I have tried, on more than one occasion and get told various things.

Asked him to come off nights, or at least look into the possibility, and get told he doesn't want to, I have no say in what he does for work and he working a 'normal' office hours job would kill him. I don't sleep well when he is on nights, so I survive in probably 5 hours a night when he is working and am expected to carry on, but heoans he gets about 8 hours when on nights and that's not enough.

When I try and arrange travel I have to do for work (which most of the time I plan around his days off as we have limited family support) I get told I should be focusing on spending time with him and DC and not doing all the travelling etc as it not fair to expect him to do everything for those couple of days

I have had trips booked and planned in advance for his days off, that he has them booked a social event for himself over, which has involved an overnight stay, so I have had to cancel my trip to so I can be around for DC.

Everything I say isn't listened to or I am made to feel selfish for asking.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 27/10/2019 08:38

Leave him.
He has no purpose in your life.
What a waste of a man.

BlueSuffragette · 27/10/2019 08:39

Sounds like it's you doing all the giving, not really an equal partnership is it?

TeddybearBaby · 27/10/2019 08:42

He sounds like he says ‘I’ a lot. I’m not surprised you’re questioning this relationship. Doesn’t sound fair on you at all.

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