To ask if there's something you've found out about someone you couldn't get over?

[TwistedBirkenstockBlister]

I'll put my two examples:
1.) I used to work with a really lovely lady on reception in a dentist. She had come from another dental practice and told me that her colleague there also went for the job and she hadn't got it so it was really awkward for them to work together after. I asked our employer about this, just in a 'by the way why didn't you hire so and so's colleague' sort of way. He said that they were going to but someone put a letter through their door with loads of negative comments about her so they went with my colleague instead! I knew that it had to be my colleague who had written this as we had all gone to the employers home for the interview and that was where the letter was posted, not the business address. Never trusted her after that, not properly.
2.) I made friends with a nice mum at a baby massage class. We met up a couple of times but I soon started getting FB messages from a random lady in Portugal who told me that nice mum had stolen her husband and left her pregnant and alone in a foreign country. I did try to be normal after but it seemed a bit strained as I so wanted to ask her about the messages but was too shy. I feel a bad now about not trying harder to stay in touch but these messages made me feel uneasy (that the nice mum might have a stalker more than anything!) if it was now I would ask her and tell the woman to do one (even if it was true.)

Bump as I am really nosey

Ummm I was sitting eating my lunch at work (not my current work) and the manager on my table started talking about his nipple ring. He was in his late 40s and the last person to have a nipple ring. I still question why I needed to know this to this day

Uni friend told me that he tried not to hire women of child bearing age. He works for a huge company, not a struggling small business which would struggle to cover costs. This was during a conversation where I told him that I had been off work recovering from a D&C after a miscarriage. He is/ was an ass. We don't speak now.

A friend was found to have child porn on his computer and he admitted downloading it. I cut him dead there and then. Everyone who knew him cut him off. One guy said they once found some odd stuff in his room (it would be outing to say what) but never thought he would have been so fucked up. I feel disgusted that I knew him, spend time with him, cared about him and also had feelings for him once upon a long time ago...,

Yes. Creepy neighbour who wasn't building a house overseas but in prison twice for child rape. He does go away for long periods but back again this week. Also caught him trying to break in our house once years ago. Now have extra high fence with barbed wire and a camera. His wife tho is lovely and we can't understand why she sticks around.

I had separate friend groups at uni

I had a close male friend who I was vaguely aware wasn't universally liked, but i liked him, so so what?

There was an incident were he was violently assaulted on a night out and no-one would tell me why and I wasn't present

It turned out he had a history of sexually inappropriate behaviour (various) and nobody bothered to give me the full backstory until it was too late and I had a story of my own

A young and married vicar,who was due to be in church, at my marriage in the late 1960 era, suddenly went missing, and another vicar had to stand in. The young vicar it seemed. got noted,for going around picking up church going girls in his little old car,and taking them for a ride so to speak.

I left the town and moved away after marrying, so don't know what happened to him.

I found out that a guy I was dating's DF had been sent to prison for sex offences against a minor.

I was shocked, but much more shocked by the fact that my date was still really close to his DF and tried to dismiss the whole thing as an unfair stitch-up by a vindictive girl.

So that was the end of dates with him.

Name changed because quite frankly it’s embarrassing.

Since having my daughter I’ve found out that only 2 of my grandmas 6 kids belong to my grandad - they were married all of my childhood until he died. My mom is the youngest and isn’t one of them.

I’ve also found out my cousin raped & molested my mom and cousin (his sister) for years. Also did it to his sister (not my cousin) and her daughter.

Someone I knew and really rated as a person shagged and did drugs with one of his students, despite being married with kids. The student was over the age of consent, but we are talking 6th form here so massively inappropriate.

My apparently-happily-married but hard-partying friend had an affair at a music festival. I was in the next tent along at the time and heard everything. When we got home and she went back to her DH pretending nothing had happened, I just couldn't bring myself to talk to her ever again and I had to wonder how many times she'd done it in the past.

I dated a guy for a year, 1 day after we went public I found out he’d kidnapped, battered and raped his ex. I never contacted him again

When my uncle died around twelve years ago, as he was a bachelor with no dc myself and dB had to clear his house out. We were looking for a will tbh, but the idiot never made one.
Anyway, I digress. We were sorting papers out around the house getting things into order when we stumbled upon a small pot. Opened it and it had hash in it. I knew my uncle was a big drinker and smoked like a chimney, but this put things into perspective as to his changing moods. The little pot went in the black bin. My uncle died of a huge stroke. He had been warned years ago when he had thrombosis, and several strokes. The last big stroke was what killed him.

Close friend mentioned (after a few drinks) that his uncle was in the national headlines (many years ago) as ' Britain's most wanted criminal' for firearms offences and kidnapping. Googled and it was true - would never have thought friend had any remote connections to the criminal world.

I used to have a college at work that I got on really well with, he was fun to be around and everyone at work loved him. One day a relative of mine asked me why I had this colleague on social media, I told her that we worked together and that we were good friends. She started to get really upset. Years before while she was at uni he had tried to sexually assault her at a party and only stopped because his friends pulled him off her. She had told me what happened at the time but never said who it was and didn't want to take things further.

Afterwards I felt so guilty because I thought he was such a great person and I couldn't believe how wrong I'd been. I'd watch him talking to women at work and just feel completely sick and creeped out. It was awkward because we got on so well and he had no idea that I knew all of this so continued to act his normal self and would ask if I was okay and why wasn't Myself lately, I couldn't bring myself to talk to him after it, his smile made my stomach churn.

Another one - more shocked now than at the time. First year at uni - one of the girls in our flat had her 'boyfriend' to stay most weekends. He was her married geography teacher from 6th form, probably in his late thirties. He was very controlling (sounds like he'd been grooming her for at least a couple of years) and they had a very messy breakup when she saw sense and dumped him in her 2nd year.

@Longdistance I very much doubt the hash was the culprit of the stroke. Far more likely to be the cigarettes.

There were three of is at work who were all good friends. A senior manager was awful to one of my friends.
A few years ago our other friend of the three admitted to rubbing the managers coffee cup on his balls and penis to get her back.
Both my friend and I avoided him after that. Manager has since left. Strange sense of loyalty.

A guy I dated but had split from/still friendly told me his pals got him a birthday gift while abroad. I asked what it was and thought it was sweet but unlike guys to get gifts.... it was a blowjob off a prostitute.

I still can't get over the disappointment I felt.

Your employer is very unprofessional, having interviews at someone's home and believing a random nasty letter
The Fb woman is...troubled. Why did you believe her over a friend?
Odd all round

Well, I had no problem getting over it but it did surprised me when I found out my flatmate, we were in a London uni, was a “niche taste” escort.
She was so pretty, petite and looking far younger than her years (relevant to the niche type of work) and her prim style never gave me any indication of her pt work. She was also a volunteer with older people and such a goody two shoes.
I had no idea how she combined one of the hardest courses in the uk with volunteering, gym, etc and that type of work.

Very strange combo of lifestyles but she was one of the kindest people I’ve ever known.

A commuting acquaintance started to progress to friendship and one night we went out for drinks. After she'd had a couple she told me how she met her husband.

In summary, she was his PA when he was the HR director, she decided he was the one for her and went after him. Despite him having a pregnant wife at the time. He ended up leaving the wife when the baby was just a few months old.

She knew she shouldn't be telling me this but I guess she really needed to talk as life had not subsequently worked out as she'd planned. When she was 9 months pregnant, her husband didn't make it back from a bike ride. He ended up in hospital for 6 months with massive injuries. He's ok ish but limps badly and will never hold down a high flying career again.

I wasn't the friend she needed me to be, I couldn't get past the 'went and got him' thing.

I always wonder what the first wife thought when she heard the news about the accident. Her baby wouldn't have even been 2 by then.

Umm, no.

Sorry, this is why I should RTFT, my response was completely inappropriate.