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Original poster

To give angel wings candle to friend

27 replies

ToodlesnOOdleSAR · 26/10/2019 21:59

I'm keeping it brief as to not be outed.

A valued friend informed me a few days ago that she has had a miscarriage. She has mentioned she would like it marking, but has no idea what to do.

I'm seeing her in the next couple of weeks and thought about taking an angel wings candle for her - not to be the marker or anything, just really a little support gift.

I'd hate to upset her or to do something inappropriate/tactless/tasteless. Her and her partner know I'm always there for a rant/problem share etc.

Please let me know your thoughts

OP posts:
Summercamping · 26/10/2019 22:01

That sounds really thoughtful. Even if she's not into angel stuff, she'll know that you're thinking of her and that's always nice

Cryalot2 · 26/10/2019 22:02

Lovely idea.

WinterRose92 · 26/10/2019 22:03

I think that’s a really lovely, thoughtful thing to do. You sound like a great friend to have around.

44PumpLane · 26/10/2019 22:09

Do it.

A friend of mine recently went though a miscarriage and the thing she commented on was that I asked her, every day for weeks, how she was coping.

Many people who experience miscarriage can feel like everyone else moves on immediately after an initial day or two of concern. The fact you have thought of this will hopefully being comfort that you are still thinking of her and her loss.

Belfield · 26/10/2019 22:27

Idk, I had a miscarriage a good while ago now and if someone handed me an angel candle now I'd burst out crying. Do you plan to give it to her privately?

Whatsername7 · 26/10/2019 22:32

I lost a baby at 13 weeks pregnant. You acknowledging her baby and her loss will mean the world. I know it would have to me. I took my scan photos and positive pregnancy tests and put them inside a 'make your own' teddy bear. Sometimes when im feeling down I hug the teddy and remind myself my baby existed. I lost my baby in Jan 2016, so comming up tp 4 years ago. The teddy still brings me comfort.

SouthWestmom · 26/10/2019 22:32

Yuk I'd hate that. Hate all the angel bollocks. Take her a bunch of flowers and let her think up her own thing.

Ohyesiam · 26/10/2019 22:34

Really thoughtful, do it.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/10/2019 22:35

Depends on her taste, which you'll know. Lots of people would like that. I'd think it was schmaltzy tat and wouldn't want it in my house. Flowers would be nice.

AdriannaP · 26/10/2019 22:37

I had a miscarriage and wouldn’t like it. But you know your friend best.

Just as pp said it takes long time to heal so be there for her. It’s hard for others to understand how difficult and painful it is.

MindyStClaire · 26/10/2019 22:38

Depends on your friend and you'll know her better than we do. It wouldn't be my thing at all, but all of my friends know that and wouldn't even consider it. If you think it's something she'd like I'm sure she'd appreciate the thought.

Soontobe60 · 26/10/2019 22:40

@Noeuf
That's a delicate way of putting It! I too don't like all this about angels but I know others do, and wouldn't be so harsh as you.
OP, when my sister and my dad died, I got some very strange things off well meaning people. I'd never have sent them myself, but the fact that they thought of me and my loss was comfort enough. I'd just buy a nice candle, some lovely flowers and sit and talk with your friend about her loss.

Mumofboth · 26/10/2019 22:40

I’d have been really touched if someone had done that when I miscarried. The fact that you’re acknowledging her baby and giving her the chance to talk about it will mean the world to her. I’ve got a memory box and that’s exactly the sort of thing I’d have put in it. My memory box faces my bed and contains scan pictures and my babies birthstone. Suggest something like this to her. A friend actually came with me to buy my box and 8 years later I’m still grateful.

bobbley · 26/10/2019 22:44

It's a sweet gesture even if it's not her cup of tea, I'm sure she'd appreciate the thought.
The thing she'll appreciate most is you just asking how she is, acknowledging that what she's been through is totally shit, and most importantly, not saying "positive " shite like it wasn't meant to be but you'll have a baby soon, or advice on how to get pregnant.

L0bstersLass · 26/10/2019 22:50

I had many miscarriages and would have hated this.
It would have upset me so much. I didn't want anything to do with any angel stuff.

RomaineCalm · 26/10/2019 22:51

I'm not sure about the 'Angel Wings' candle but it's a lovely thought. How about a smaller candle and a card with a thoughtful message instead.

Candymay · 26/10/2019 22:56

I don’t like the angel wings personally but you will know her and what she would like. It’s kind of you to want to do something. I bought a dear friend a silver guardian angel after she had an awful time and she tells me she has it with her at all times. I wasn’t sure when I bought it because I probably wouldn’t want it myself but I thought it was a lovely piece if that makes sense! I actually think it’s the acknowledgement that means something to people.

Jollitwiglet · 26/10/2019 22:57

I'm another that would be quite upset to receive something like this. I would much prefer just knowing that my friends would be there for me when needed. But as already said, you know your friend best

saraclara · 26/10/2019 22:58

I'd hate it. I'd know you meant well, but I'd hate it.

Angel anything is tricky. People love or hate them. People who hate angel stuff, REALLY hate it.

SingingMyOwnSpecialSong · 26/10/2019 22:59

I think it very much depends on the person and your relationship. I wouldn’t have liked an angel wings candle after having a mmc, but did buy an angel decoration for a friend who had a mc as I knew she did get comfort from that type of thing.

Mother’s Day was just after my mmc and my then DH bought me a lovely ‘mum’ teddy. That was a huge comfort and like a PP I found it a nice reminder that my lost baby was real and often cuddled it. I went on to have a daughter and she has the bear now, although I occasionally borrow it.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/10/2019 23:00

I think it's a really lovely idea.

Pandora71 · 26/10/2019 23:03

Does she believe in angels and heaven? If not then maybe think of something else. Just a normal candle is a nice idea.

Original poster
ToodlesnOOdleSAR · 26/10/2019 23:03

Thanks all, and thanks for sharing your experiences. I just wanted it to be an acknowledgement really.

@Whatsername7 that's lovely - I imagine that's the sort of thing she will end up doing, but I'll leave it for her to decide

@Belfield I wouldn't have given her it in public no

@Noeuf she is a long time lover of tat and "angel bollocks" so I think it's up her street - each to their own Grin

I'm going to take it, with some flowers. But will see how she's doing and everything. If it feels right I'll give her it as I leave.

OP posts:
Wilmalovescake · 26/10/2019 23:04

Maybe just a nice candle? And some flowers? But I agree- keep checking in on her. Make a note of her due date and miscarriage dates and remember them when they come around.

SouthWestmom · 26/10/2019 23:09

Well if it's her thing that's different.
If you'd said she's really into angel woo stuff i wouldn't have posted. I thought this was some random idea you'd come up with.