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To not want to watch Joker because of my MH

53 replies

LargeMalbec · 26/10/2019 11:09

Hi,

I know this sounds a stupid question perhaps, but DP is desperate to see this at the cinema with me and whereas I think it looks brilliant, due to its content and aparent dark and grubby feel throughout, I'm not sure it will be good for me. I have quite severe anxiety and repetitive thoughts/OCD, which can effect me really badly, with sleep etc, so as amazing as it looks, I don't think I should see it.

I find things much more overwhelming in the cinema anyway. I'd probably be ok watching it on the small screen, but dp says they won't go without me, so I now feel quite guilty not going, as they love the cinema.

Anyway, anyone seen this? How dark and sad are we talking? From what I have hear, I think my heart will break for him a bit Sad The violence I could probably handle, although I'm hearing very mixed things about that.

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
LargeMalbec · 26/10/2019 13:03

@florenceflossie, I can understand that. Black Mirror stayed with me too.

Modern TV and film can be really difficult for people like us, as dark and twisted seems increasingly the norm. If you're anything like me, you worry about not giving these things a go, so you reluctantly do, you realise you were right and then the cycle begins again.

Sometimes I ask myself why I bother, but it can feel as though I'm shutting myself away from modern life and being overly cautious and boring, so I end up beating myself up about it.

OP posts:
PunchBall · 26/10/2019 13:03

My DH has OCD. We didn’t watch the news for over a year as seeing disturbing and sad things is not good for his overall mood. We’ve starting watching it again now, but if I know there is something ‘nasty’ on there I will turn over.

I never watch dark stuff with him, I will wait to watch it by myself. I don’t think you should go if you don’t want to. Have you explained that you don’t think it’s a good idea as it might be triggering? Surely he wouldn’t want that.

PunchBall · 26/10/2019 13:09

Just to add from your last post - you absolutely shouldn’t be watching this stuff if you find it disturbing.

I think you should talk to your DH about it. These things do have an effect on MH.

Bluntness100 · 26/10/2019 13:12

I think only you know yourself.

I went a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't read any reviews, so was expecting something in the bat man marvel ilk, so was quite surprised.

I'm not sure I enjoyed it to be honest, and said that to my husband as we left, it was quite disturbing, clearly brilliantly acted, but still quite disturbing at the time, maybe more so because it wasn't what I was expecting.

. I can't say it's stayed with me at all, but I've no mental health issues, if things like this do disturb you long after the watching, then best to stay away, it's no feel good movie, that's for sure.

thecatsthecats · 26/10/2019 13:16

I know nothing about the Joker, but I have a husband who always wants me to come to gigs with him regardless of whether I like the band or not.

As I've got older, I only really like to stand in a dark noisy room for music I really like, but it took me a while to learn to say, "Nope, sorry, I'll give this one a miss, go on your own or find someone else" - and it took him a while to realise this was a perfectly reasonable stance.

dudsville · 26/10/2019 13:21

I finally avoid challenging topics in film, books, tv, news. It helps keep me balanced. You choose how you want to manage your life.

SatansReject · 26/10/2019 13:24

I have mental health issues - and feel I’m on the slow decline however I love films like this and couldn’t wait to see it.

It’s an absolutely brilliant film but I remember coming out of there thinking “shit, I can totally imagine getting to that point”.

It scared me and for days I was questioning whether I could end up going the same way.

Horror films don’t scare me, but that was a bit too close to the bone in all honesty

Ronnie27 · 26/10/2019 13:29

I didn’t think it was brilliant. It is a bit bleak but not engaging enough to be properly disturbing if that makes sense.

Ronnie27 · 26/10/2019 13:32

Just to say though if you’re feeling a bit fragile and worried about it then stay away. It’s supposed to be an enjoyable experience and it’s absolutely not worth your peace of mind worrying about it just for the sake of seeing a film. Maybe see something else with your husband and send him along with a friend instead.

ErrolTheDragon · 26/10/2019 13:40

Of course YANBU.

Which is more important, protecting your MH or your DH having a particular leisure experience? It's that simple, really. Fgs please don't feel a moments guilt over saying no to this.
Thanks

MrsHaversham · 26/10/2019 13:42

I wouldn't take DS to see it as I have to be really careful to maintain a balance for my MH, it's like walking a tightrope. DH took him in the end, he is tough as old boots but found it disturbing and 'a bit too close to reality'. DS however, loved it and has been raving about the cinematography since he got back. The gritty reality was lost on him.

saj90 · 26/10/2019 13:42

In all honesty, I probably wouldn't go and see it. Maybe wait until you can watch it in the comfort of your own home.
I thought it was a very well made film, Oscar worthy for sure, but I really didn't enjoy it. Left me feeling very detached and depressed after. Very very dark film.

ActualHornist · 26/10/2019 13:47

Tell partner to go with a friend if they want to see it; you don’t. It’s unfair to try and guilt trip you.

Or he/she can go on their own.

ActualHornist · 26/10/2019 13:48

I mean, husband and I have on more than one occasion seen an advert for a film and commented ‘you can see that one on your own’!

Elmo311 · 26/10/2019 13:56

They?

doublebarrellednurse · 26/10/2019 13:56

Looking after your own mental health is important and having boundaries around it is not selfish or wrong. It's clever and normal.

My husband rarely goes to clubs as he can't deal with noise and lots of people. I go with people who enjoy it and like to dance.

I nod off in the cinema a lot so he goes with friends or alone.

Look after yourself.

Wheat2Harvest · 26/10/2019 14:01

I would have told my DP that it wasn't really my thing and that I was happy for him to go on his own or with friends. If he declined (as your DP has done) that is his decision.

It seems to me though that he/they would rather take you and risk your MH being affected than go on his/their own, which is a bit of a worry.

You have no need to feel guilty - I won't be seeing it either.

Eleanorbellanor · 26/10/2019 14:07

It was a very thought provoking film and it was dark but it was very well done. Yes it had some extreme portrayals of poor MH but it was so well made to the point me and my friends actually felt sympathy towards him! That’s what made it thought provoking- it wasn’t just a case of watching a man do some crazy things. It showed his feelings and experiences and his ‘rise’.

I also think the level of darkness that the film showed has been hyped up way too much. I’ve seen much much bleaker and shocking films. It’s nowhere near as frightening as I was expecting and it is only a 15 BUT only you know what’s best for you and how it will affect you.
Don’t feel bad about doing what’s right for you with the information you’ve been given about the film. If your DP doesn’t want to go, that’s his own issue.

WeAreStardustWeAreGolden · 26/10/2019 14:12

My own mental health is at an all time low but I felt I needed to see this film. I'm glad I did. It is the decline of someone's mental health into madness and it really resonated with me. From what you say though I suspect you would be better off not seeing it. I'm still thinking about it two weeks later. Joaquin Phoenix is superb and the portrayal I found quite heartbreaking.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/10/2019 14:13

You're listening to your body, make the right decision for you.
DP will understand.
If it is any consolation lots of people visit the cinema alone, I hate the cinema DP loves it, he often goes alone.

ReadyPayerTwo · 26/10/2019 16:28

I'd actually like to see it again it was so brilliant. The first time I was quite tense all the way through as I wasn't sure how dark or violent it was going to get.

Now I know (there's only one very violent short scene) I'd like to go back and fully immerse myself in Joaquin Phoenix' performance, particularly when he becomes Joker - it's dazzling and more than makes up for the very bleak story IMO.

However, it IS bleak, and I think it could trigger some bad thoughts in certain people.

BackforGood · 26/10/2019 16:52

Of course YANBU.
Don't even need to have MH issues to not want to go and see a film that will disturb you.
It's not my sort of film, so I wouldn't go and see it.

It is your dp who is BU for trying to make you feel guilty about having different tastes in film.

Why cant (s)he go on his/her own, or with a mate ? Confused

VenusStarr · 26/10/2019 16:59

It is very disturbing, you're essentially watching a person's mind unravel and it stuck with me for days after. I watched it when I was feeling vulnerable (recovering from mc) so not sure if that exacerbated my feelings.

Go with your gut x

alreadyinchristmasmood · 26/10/2019 18:27

It's still on my mind and I watched it 2 weeks ago. I found it to be really sad, but amazingly done. The lead actor did a fabulous role. Not sure what to advise, I probably wouldn't go

ChickaaaaannDipppaaaaassss · 26/10/2019 18:43

On holiday with my 15 year old DS.
We've been having a conversation about him going on holiday after his GCSEs with just his friends, probably abroad.
I say no. DH says yes.
Mumsnet, where do you stand?
DS is incredibly sensible and hoping to study law at uni. I quite honestly don't know what I've done to deserve such a fantastic child.