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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect belongings to be collected after 6 months?

26 replies

Sparksflying100 · 26/10/2019 10:34

Bit long sorry. I’ll try to summarise key points!
My father in law had a severe stroke whilst at his house in France in March & sadly passed away a month later. He was in hospital in France he suffered serious neglect to the point we were forced to pay for his repatriation to the UK to ‘rescue’ him and give him the best chance of recovery.
He had a much younger GF who had been living with him for about 2 yrs.
During his 2 wks in hospital there she visited him once. She did not offer any help, support or info to my husband or sister in law either before or during their visits. She was unable to find his passport, bank cards, keys, EHIC or any paperwork to assist the repatriation process meaning massive amounts of negotiations for the family whilst also trying to ‘be there’ for FIL. She repeatedly put the phone down or failed to answer. She often said things like ‘I’m not well myself, I don’t know when I will be up, I can’t give u a time to ring me’ She then remained in the house for around 3 wks following his death.
When she returned to the UK she initially refused to set a date to hand over car keys, French & UK house keys meaning additional stress re getting these back. Despite repeated attempts to contact her this took a couple of days.
We are going to the French house next week and I texted her on 21st Sept to tell her to collect a load of belongings which remain at the house. She did not respond until yesterday when she phoned my husband (I’d asked her to only deal with me as he’s got loads on etc)

When I called her she said there had been no negotiation on the pick up date and she had been expecting that; it’s not fair. I told her she’s had 6 months to remove things (all old, tatty, old clothes etc but both she & FIL appear to have been similar in their hoarding tendencies) and the date for collection still stands.
I would like opinions re what you would do?
Thanks all.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 26/10/2019 10:40

Ring the French embassy and ask if there is a French version of the CAB. Then find out what the legalities are so you know where you stand. For the sake of a couple of phone calls, you might as well be comfortable in your dealings with her. Then touch base with CAB here and ask the same question.

littlepaddypaws · 26/10/2019 10:41

give her a firm date in writing then if that passes i'd arrange for the house to be cleared completely, her stuff included, but tell her that obviously.

funnylittlefloozie · 26/10/2019 10:43

I dont think you need to do anything else. Put all her stuff in binbags, and leave it outside. Pack up your FIL's things, and deal with the houses however you see fit. I assume FIL has not made provision for her in his will, so unfortunately, she is out of luck.

NovoJester · 26/10/2019 10:43

Go. And if needs be have her evicted. She sounds like she’s severely neglected your father and she’s had enough time to sort her shit out.

I was the young person in a similar position (I was a carer). The person died and the family paid for me to live elsewhere for three months whilst we all sorted the house out. The house was uninhabitable at the time due to another issue. I think three months was super fair!

littlepaddypaws · 26/10/2019 10:45

novo but you were a carer what has gf actually done ?

Whattodoabout · 26/10/2019 10:46

Tell her the date you expect everything to be collected by and if she doesn’t oblige, it’s going to the tip.

SamBeckett · 26/10/2019 10:58

It sounds like she is either suffering a lot and is struggling to get her head round it all or she is just been awkward /
Either way she has no right to make things so much harder for you and you DH .

Has FIL made a will ?
That will help cut through the fog if he has.
I would certainly not want to kick her out making her homeless but a agreement needs to be reached.

I think 6 months is far to long to give her , as I am guessing she will not do anything until the last minuet .
Three months is more than enough time imo, some it also depends on what you are planning to do with FIL house .
Are you going to sell it ? in which case she needs to shift all her stuff in what ever time frame you decide and give you enough time to redecorate / repair etc.
Or could you rent it to her ? she then can stay in her home and you get some income although I have no idea how you would stand / set up the legal side of this.

You may also need to look up the common law wife / husband laws in france to see what rights she has.

The whole thing could become a protracted legal battle so if it means you compromising a bit to get to the end result you all want then i would allow her some grace.

onthecoins · 26/10/2019 11:00

Had FIL made a will?

How long were they together?

Does she have a home of her own?

DoraleeRhodes · 26/10/2019 11:26

Is she still living in the French house/in France or back in the UK?

JasBBGG · 26/10/2019 11:29

You need to check he doesn't have a French will as well as a UK one. I have a friend who spends a lot of time in France with assets and also has a French will.

Original poster
Sparksflying100 · 26/10/2019 11:52

Thanks so much everyone.
Bit more info.
She appears to have lived quite a nomadic life for years; meeting new ‘friends’ and simply staying with them. She owns property in the UK & spends time in various European countries as well. So she has lived rent & responsibility free for a long time. She is also thought to own at least one additional house somewhere in Europe. She definitely has the financial means to get there or arrange someone else to do it for her.
I know the legalities re this in the UK and it appears that I’ve done the right thing re notice & collection date so makes sense to try to establish French legal position.
She is younger than me (20yrs younger than FIL) & did not want to meet his family or for him to tell us anything about her (he told me this) DH is executor & she is not in the Will. The house is now sorted and ready for sale apart from her stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparksflying100 · 26/10/2019 11:54

Bit more! There is no additional Will.
I assume she is currently in the UK.
Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparksflying100 · 26/10/2019 11:55

Sorry by that I mean she’s not in the French house as she has no access it unless we facilitate this which is why I gave her the date for collection.

OP posts:
BentNeckLady · 26/10/2019 12:00

Is just put it all in the bin and get on with what you need to do.

Original poster
Sparksflying100 · 26/10/2019 12:25

🤣🤣 BentNeckLady I love your direct approach. That’s exactly what I feel like doing 👍

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 26/10/2019 13:10

I live in France. When I bought a house with paving slabs that belonged to the neighbour stored in the garden, the notary told him to put him on written notice to remove them within 30 days otherwise I would dispose of them.

makingmammaries · 26/10/2019 13:12

French law provides no inheritance rights to an unmarried unregistered partner in the absence of a will. The deceased’s children automatically get everything.

makingmammaries · 26/10/2019 13:24

Can you put the stuff in an outhouse for example so she has the option to come and pick it up without needing keys? Or ask her to arrange for a representative of her choosing to come and collect it on the proposed dates. She has no right to do this, you are doing nothing unfair, and you must under no circumstances, obviously, be guilted into providing a set of keys.
That said, are you sure she didn’t keep a copy of the keys? Consider changing the locks otherwise.

Beautiful3 · 26/10/2019 13:31

I agree with other poster. The day after collection date, put her belongings into bin liners and leave outside. Tell her where they are and If they are not collected in 3 days then they will be thrown away. Then do it, if needed.

betternamepending · 26/10/2019 14:17

Well she's done everything to be difficult so I wouldn't pander to her anymore. Throw everything out and please, please have every single lock changed. She doesn't sound lika a responsible person.

SpaceDinosaur · 26/10/2019 17:12

Hire a skip.
Crack on
Change the locks

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 26/10/2019 17:14

I don't think you need to know what's reasonable, I think you need to know what is legal (in French law, obviously). And there are a lot better ways to find out than to post on here!

Hoppinggreen · 26/10/2019 17:14

French will doesn’t really matter too much as you can’t disinherit you’re children in France I believe

Hoppinggreen · 26/10/2019 17:14

Your

CSIblonde · 26/10/2019 19:41

She wasn't 'unable' to find his passport etc, she was trying to slow it all down/stop his departure as it would lead to quicker change in her living arrangements. If you put in writing fair period you'll keep them before disposal I'd say you're legally prob OK.