What do you make of this then?

[gwackywacky]

Guardian article about some pretty terrifying labour experiences.

I don't have children but its something I'm thinking about lately as I'm early 30s. Do you reckon we dont hear enough about this or do you think these are just "horror stories"?

I kind of think these experiences are played down in wider society? Just interested in what you think generally.

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/oct/20/i-had-to-get-to-know-my-body-again-readers-on-how-birth-changed-them

Your description of that article is pretty misleading, it’s about the physical after effects of birth rather than focused on labour

I am pregnant atm and I feel like all I hear is the scare stories of labour. I’d love to hear more experiences of a standard labour!

But the issues some women face that are touched on in there - prolapses etc. It’s shocking that women can’t and don’t get more help for these.

@ShirleyPhallus Well it's not that misleading, as you then go on to talk about labour yourself ;-)

I do hear scare stories but it feels like negative experiences are kind of shared in hushed tones in 'women only' contexts. In wider society it feels like it isn't discussed very much, and pregnancy and the female body during and after pregnancy is more held up as a kind of empowered glorious thing.

I have to admit I didnt even know about the prolapse thing and it has completely shocked me.

Your description is misleading. I read the article myself.

When it comes to pregnancy and birth some women are complete bores and will go on endlessly about their experiences. My births weren’t textbook and one in particular took a lot of getting over - including follow up treatment - but I think it depends on the type of person you are. I concentrated on enjoying my babies and put it behind me. Don’t listen to scare stories - this is how some women define themselves and it’s tedious.

People don't talk about horror stories to pregnant women because what on earth is the point?!

If you're pregnant then that baby is coming out one way or another.

Yes of course giving birth can be dangerous for the mother. That's a fact. Some people have easier births than others. If you live in the UK then you're very lucky to be able to have a free (at the point of delivery) c section should it be required.

Look after yourself. Stay healthy. Prepare for a good birth & hope for the best! Why worry about something that hasn't could go wrong when it hasn't?

If you are a biological lady & want a baby of your own then you will need to get pregnant and give birth somehow. That's life people.

Everybody has different experiences of labour and birth, some good, some awful. No matter what happens it is going to painful and messy and thats a fact. But whatever happens, its totally worth it ❤

Just to redress the balance. I had a textbook 6 hour labour, using just TENS. I recovered from the birth very quickly, and by the time DD was 6 weeks old my body didn't feel like it had given birth. I was 41. DD is 19 now, and I have not had any post birth issues at all.

I agree with the OP. I’m coming up to early thirties, and I’ve been married for several years, so am aware that pregnancy and childbirth are likely in my near future.

I’ve also been reading mumsnet for long enough to know that I should be fucking terrified of it.

It’s also made me highly sceptical of the recent trends in encouragement of natural birth and hypnobirthing in the UK. Surely this is just a very convenient way for the overstretched NHS to not give women proper care or pain relief during/after labour?

People don't talk about horror stories to pregnant women because what on earth is the point?!

All I have heard is birth horror stories when pregnant. Usually from office bores who love talking about it anyway.

It seems women only want to share horror stories, and will exaggerate their experiences to make it worse than it was. Even the NHS parentcraft classes expectant parents are offered was 4 sessions on how painful birth and labour is and all the bad things that can happen, rarely mentioning these things are rare.

Pregnancy and childbirth have built to be this terrifying, painful and traumatising event when actually they shouldn't be for most of us. If a woman is told nothing but horror stories she will be scared and tense which hinders labour and birth, going in relaxed and confident helps it and releases endorphins which reduce pain.

So, this article and your post are continuing the cycle.

Women’s bodies are amazing but the after effects of pregnancy and labour are not spoken about openly. I think most women feel a mix of embarrassment and like they should just get on with it because everyone else seems to, it’s a natural process etc. It shouldn’t put people off having children but I do think it speaks to a larger issue of ignoring women’s health issues.

It's difficult though isnt it, talk about horror stories and you scare people don't talk about them and people are unaware.

@ShirleyPhallus I had a very straight forward birth, 6 hour labour from start to finish, had to have an epesiotomy (can't spell sorry) but even that healed as well as I could hope for and I was released from hospital the following day. I was in asda 3 days after the birth. Took me about 6 weeks to feel completely normal again but I don't think that is unusual. That was my first and only labour experience, I hope it's that simple next time!

It’s six of one; half a dozen of the other though isn’t it?

If you have straight forward birth with no lasting damaging effects physically or mentally then hearing horror stories of horrendous injuries will be of no help will then? If anything they will just cause a woman to be fearful when she goes in to labour.

On the other hand if you are unlucky enough to suffer from a traumatic labour and lasting birth injuries there will always be a sense of injustice that you weren’t properly informed or the feeling of “If I’d have known I wouldn’t have had a baby or would have demanded and ELCS”

There needs to be more information more widely accessible for sure and a far better recognition of how traumatic labours and birth injuries affect a woman. It certainly seems lots of women have to fight for support and/or ongoing treatment.

For what it’s worth; I remember being told in my first pregnancy to not watch things about birth on TV because they way labours are dramatised makes good TV but isn’t reflective of real birth; I went on to have two traumatic births, lasting injuries and PTSD. Recovering from these things was not helped by the idea that my birth experience was “wrong” and something I had been told not to mentally prepare for.

I think the first hand experiences seem pretty accurate and descriptive of what happens after.

Not every woman experiences all these affects.

But it is a humongous thing to do- create an entirely new life and birth an actual person. How could you expect it not to affect ones body in any way?

Plus those reading the article pre having children are not able to take account of the 'love-hormonal-wow I have a baby' everything else flies out the window and utter need to look after this tiny person.

Being informed and do empowered to make the choices right for you are very important. And if this article contributes to that, then that's good.

To be honest as I say, as a woman in her early 30s, I have heard a few stories about pain, forceps, etc in labour, but I haven't heard about some of the quite chilling after effects of pregnancy. This could be because I guess quite a lot of my friends are "alternative" so I dont have any female friends with babies. Also, I work for myself, not in an office. I think I'll ask my mum about it today.

It's a bit of a game changer for me though because pain and blood I'm happy to deal with. But as I say - vaginal prolapse? I had never heard of this before. One woman in the comments of that article talks about how she was left permanently disabled from her labour and she regrets having her child for that reason although obviously she loves him. I dont know. If things go wrong, this is a huge, huge price to pay.

I had the vague notion that some women experience incontinence after labour. Just wondering - is there some shame surrounding these post labour experiences? Is this why we dont hear too much of it? We hear labour horror stories - but not what happens afterwards.

@TotinEggs my experience is different, the women I have come across have been very open about the after effects and medical professionals have been understanding and arranged the help needed. Whether that is physical (prolapse, incontinence etc) or mh (PND).

I had some incontinence issues after birth, other mothers I knew shared similar experiences and I spoke to my doctor who arranged physio very quickly. Same when I was feeling low and isolated, the experience isn't exclusive and talking about it was never taboo.

@Howzaboutye Yes, I think this article is a great thing. I had just about gotten over the fear of the idea of labour though, so when Inread it ai was like - whaaaaaat?! Theres more???!

We hear labour horror stories - but not what happens afterwards

Because honestly, one who the baby is here some people are hard pushed to give a flying fuck about the Mother.

Aside from that; would you talk openly with everyone you know about any other unpleasant and intimate problems you have? Would you discuss piles with your FIL for example? Or having an enema?

Things like vaginal prolapse are intimate and although not ‘taboo’ as such not something you want everyone to know you suffer from.

Do ask your mum. But she probably hasn't told you anything because she doesn't want you to feel guilty about his your birth affected her, when it wasn't your actual fault.

I nearly died when I was pregnant. My DD will never know this.

Be in your best physical shape before getting pregnant, strong and flexible (Pilates and weights) and then trust in your body to do it's female thing

The help you get after birth will largely depend on the midwives, doctors or health visitor you get.
My baby is 12 weeks old and I a was very lucky to not suffer any major damage but I think it’s true that the baby becomes such a focus that you (and others) can forget how tough the whole thing can be on your body and mental health. Be your own best advocate and if you are suffering make sure you get the help you need. You don’t have to just accept that prolapse, incontinence, depression etc is just part of life now.

Haven't read the article and could never stand listening to any birth stories.

Having to watch a birth video at school in the 80's put me off for life.

Enjoyed a very civilised and calm ELCS

@Howzaboutye Well she just told me she had a ripped cervix from high forceps and a 4 litre blood transfusion. But see this is really interesting- why did she never tell me this (we are incredibly close by the way, I mean we're friends as well as mother and daughter)

Thing is, you just never know what's in store for you! Even if you've had a baby before, each labour can be so different. And each recovery can be so different.

I'm one of the lucky ones. I had twins via a natural delivery using only gas and air. We were worried as one was breach, but she turned after her brother was born. I was only 20 at the time so I guess that helped, but I had zero complications after and had a very straightforward pregnancy.

My other son was again easy breezy. The birth, I'd go as far as to say was magical and I used just paracetamol (I took for a head ache) as pain relief! I felt every damn thing but was a magical pain, was truly the most amazing experience of my life. Again, quick recovery and no detrimental effects on my body.

It's been 10 years now since I had my last baby and I'm pregnant now, due in January. This pregnancy has been a bugger to me so far, though I appreciate not half as bad as some poor mamas have it. I'm dreading labour too. I just have a feeling it won't be easy (hopefully my instincts are as wrong as they usually are).

So I just wanted to give you a lil positive outlook, that it's not always all bad. Some times it can be perfect with no prolapse in sight. X

Okay my mum just said she didn't tell us because she didnt want to put us off. Selfish much?

I heard all the scare stories, especially its supposed to be more painful if induced. I was induced early due to waters breaking. I had a very positive Labour experience,i said at one point its not actually as painful as I thought it would be. The machine checking my contraction wasn't working properly and no one believed I was in labour until I said I want to push, I was 9.5 dilated at this point having had only paracetamol. I believe I asked for a epidural at that point but was too late, so ony gas and air for two hours. My main issue is it was late at night and I just wanted to go to sleep and try again in the morning. Was amazing when she was born and was elated and felt like I had won the marathon.