To try for dc2 at 42 with 7 year age gap?

[weesyt]

I really want a second child but have had losses along with the way so here we are at my age.

I want to try again but now the age gap is bigger and I am older

I may well miscarry again and I'm prepared for that but I also now worry about the age gap if it's successful

My dc1 is a boy so not going to be mothering and nurturing to a new baby as I've seen little girls are

All my friends who have had this type of gap have 2 older ones who play together

I'm worried how this will impact on dc1 life in the future .. no cinema trips and older activities if we have a baby/ toddler in tow

The reasons I want another is to do it all again, to have someone else to love in our family and for the future when there are 2 adult children and dc1 will have someone to share memories with when dh and I pop our clogs

I am aware dc2 won't be a friend/ playmate for dc1 but I don't want his life to be made worse by my decision...

Also I'm older now and that scares me for the future for any potential dc2's future eg when they are teenager onwards

My brother is 9 years older than me and he always felt like an only child. I grew up seeing him as a third authority figure and he moved out at 17 and I was just 8 and also felt like an only child. We've never been particularly close but I love having nieces and nephews and my children love to have cousins so it has it's good points.

I wouldn't try again at that age. Too many risks. You have a child. Count your blessings and move on.

I have a 5 year age gap, two boys. I've just watched them put on a show together in the lounge: the 7 year old trying to stage manage while the 2 year old ran around trying to do as he was told but generally both of them just giggling and falling over. They have a lovely relationship and DS1 is absolutely lovely with his little brother.

I don't think you can make a decision based on other people's anecdotes. Everyone can come up with someone they know whose children have a big age gap and don't/do get on and the same for small age gaps. Ultimately, most of us have children because we want our families to be a certain way - there isn't a right or wrong way to do it. If you want to try for another, and you can make peace with the difficulties you might face, then go for it. You don't know what sort of relationship they might have, but nobody who has a second child does.

I’ve got a seven year ages gap between my DCs. My DS being the older one and my DD is now 9. They used to get on better but now the age gap is pronounced and they don’t get on. I hope they will be close when they are older though.

Can I give from the kids perspective? I was 7 when my brother came along. We’ve never really fought or argued because of the age gap. I did enjoy having a younger sibling growing up.
However there has always been resentment. By the time I was 16 he was 8ish and I was expected to babysit him if my parents went out which they did fairly frequently. We also had quite different childhoods - we had less when I was growing up. As he was growing up he had (and still has) more than I did and it’s hard not to be a little resentful sometimes. As the baby (and the boy unfortunately) he has always been babied and sheltered whereas I was expected to grow up quicker and be more independent. I understand that as my parents split when he was about 12 so their guilt played a part in that also. But it does sting a little.
That’s not to say I would change anything. Just wanted to give the other side and something to think about.

I wouldn't like a 7 year gap but that's just me. My 48 year old friend has one year old twins and her first set of twins have just turned 17. They seem happy enough though she has a nanny

I just wanted to say when my ds was four and a half along came ds2.....he adored him (still does!) Was so hands on with him always wanting to help feed and bath him.

I wouldn't try again at that age. Too many risks. You have a child. Count your blessings and move on

Yes I think about this every day and I am beyond grateful for our happy family and life. It is wonderful and when I try and look at the positives of sticking at one I think of the time money and opportunity we can give to dc1 and all the experiences we can have together....

But I am so worried that i will get another year or two down the line and regret not trying again

It's very difficult to make peace with it and move on

I have 2 girls with a 7 year age gap. I thought it would be a bit like having 2 only children but it hasn't been. They love each other to pieces but they fight like cat and dog. Even at 16 and 10 I wouldn't leave them home alone together because the younger is the feisty one, the older is softer. Wrong way round. She can't babysit. By the time the older one has graduated from University, the younger one will only just be selecting her GCSE options which now feels so badly stretched out. (although the upside is when the older becomes a teenager and hates you/doesn't want to be seen with you in public, you've still got a little buddy who loves being with their mum!) Also I took the older one to school and collected her every day for 7 years, the day she started secondary school, the younger one started reception class - so 14 years of school gates.
ALSO: May not be so relevant where you live but for school places, 7 years is JUST too far apart for the sibling rule to get 2nd child into your chosen primary school AND THEN AGAIN Secondary school. (And you'll also be looking around secondary schools and Unis at the same time too...) so when I moved to be close to DD1's choice of highly coveted secondary school, I had to give up hope of getting DD2 into DD1's primary school although DD2 had attended nursery there. And I can only hope that we have remained in catchment for DD2 to attend same secondary.
I don't think these are reasons enough not to have another one and my reason for having number 2 were v similar to yours. Also DD1 WANTED a sister although she subsequently told me she had meant she wanted an OLDER sister Best of luck to you x

I have a 6yr gap and both boys, they both love babies just as much as any girl, so I don't think thats nature, I think thats more how you involve them and what you expect of them. As for your age, I really dont think its a problem at all. Go for it and enjoy!

I don’t think 42 is too old to try for another.
Try imagining you’ve got pregnant. How do you feel? Happy, excited, or not? Does your older child like the idea of a sibling?
I have 7 years between me and my younger sister, we didn’t interact as much growing up but we are now really close.

Hi OP I had a baby at 43 with a 6 year gap. Both boys. I also have an older girl but the boys get on very well. There are some issues with holidays but once the youngest was old enough to swim, they both played in the pool together all the time.

Also I have a DSis who is 9 years younger than me and we are very close.

I would just go for it - I’ve found you never regret doing something in life, you only regret the things you didn’t do.

I had ds2 when I was 38 and ds1 was 7. Ds1 was desperate for a sibling and was over the moon when he was born. Had ds3 when I was 41 and while the younger 2 get on well as they are close in age, the youngest and oldest boys are also close even with 10 year age gap. I wouldn't worry about the age gap at all, I'm 7 years older than my sister and we are really close. It might seem big to begin with but as they get older it won't seem that way. Good luck.

I have a six year gap between me and my sister and we are very close - there was a period of teenage years where we drifted a bit but I think that’s common unless sibs are very close in age.

I also have a seven year gap between DC1 and DC2 and so far (11 and 4) it’s worked out well. We find plenty of things we can do as a family, ensure they both get opportunities to do their own thing too. We’ve not had many cinema trips that have been an issue for example and I think my eldest secretly likes the excuse to see things like Toy Story 4 and also go and run around a playground etc. We sometimes invite a friend to do stuff with us and recently we went to see one film and DC1 and pal went to see another which worked quite well.

I think any very labour intensive hobbies could be tricky to manage. We’ve encouraged them both to do things that work practically for us as a family, they both do group tennis lessons at same club, I take the little one to ballet whilst DH ParkRun with big one at the same time, I take one swimming whilst the other has a gymnastics class, DC2 and I go to the library whilst DC1 does a dance class - all very doable.

They really love each other and are very affectionate. I’m sure they will drift a bit as we enter the teen years but I’m optimistic they’ll go back to being close when they are older. So on that basis, I wouldn’t let the age gap put you off, there are no guarantees with sibling relationships no matter what the gap.

OMG - are you me 5 years ago? I have a 7 year gap between my 2 boys and its been fine. When youngest was born and I was breastfeeding he just went in a sling or pram and we did everything the same. Now they are older they get on fine and are pretty close - sometimes fight but no more than other siblings (and infact probably less as the oldest can just take himself off). We do sometimes all go to the cinema together but sometimes my and DH tag team - he will take oldest to superhero films and I will take youngest to the park. We had a great family day out today at a theme park - its all possible.

@LtJudyHopps I am going to remember your post.
I have a 6.5 years gap DS being the younger is constantly muscling in for the most attention, his older doesn't get much space with him. I am going to work on it.

I have a 7 yr age gap between dc1 and dc3 and they (mostly!) get on really well. I had dc3 at 40 and they dc1 is a teenager now.

There’s plenty we do together and have this yr been to the cinema together to watch The Lion King, toy story 4 and How to Train your Dragon 4 so don’t discount cinema trips.
Holidays and going out for the day are fine, we spent half term doing stuff together including London museums.
Dc1 is a boy and is very caring and playful with dc3.
As he’s a teenager now, he does do stuff with friends more but up til now doing family stuff has been totally fine.
We do split them from time to time too so we can do the things they don’t want to or can’t all do and that’s fine too.