Don't know what to do with 2 year old

[Myusername101]

My DD is 2 and 7 months and I can't cope any more. I feel horrible even writing that I love her so much but I just wish someone would take her away for a week.

All day everyday is a battle with her, anything I want her to do (like get dressed because I need to go to work) she throws an almighty tantrum. She hits me she tells me she doesn't like me she throws things at me. I have tried the naughty step I have tried taking things away I have tried ignoring I have even tried shouting and literally nothing works. I don't always have time to just leave her to it. She shows almost zero affection, only if she hurts herself does she want me. I play with her I hug her I tell her I love her all the time and all I get back is anger and I don't know why.

I'm a single mum and don't have much help, my mum and dad both work and have her on a Saturday night when I work so don't want to have her anymore (understandable). I start a new job next week where I don't have to work nights but they are looking forward to not having to babysit anymore (again understandable). I have a B9 deficiency so I am tired all the time, and between trying to keep a house, work full time and look after her I just can't do it. I feel like a failure as a mum.

Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal 2 year old behaviour?

So sorry to hear of the struggle OP. Yes everything with a 2 year old is a nightmare, mine is
Kicking off upstairs in bed as I type. They know enough to know their own will but not enough to understand reasoning. It must be so hard on your own . Do you have wkends with her? Days out? A good trip to the park can quickly erase the morning teeth clean, hair brush, getting dressed battles for me

She'll soon be able to go to nursery. She should be entitled to the free 30 hours. My dgd does 3 days 9.00-3.00 and it's amazing the difference it makes. She's still self willed, demanding and a pain in the bum but at least we all get a break. Things will get better, I'm sure.

My 3.5 year old daughter is an absolute delight and a treasure and until I read your post I had completely forgotten what an absolute nightmare she was between 2-2.5 with getting dressed. Huge tantrums ending with us both in tears and her kicking and hitting. I had no idea where she had got it from. She has never even seen any arguing let alone violence (also a single Mum). Anyway, what I’m trying to say stay strong, it is most likely a phase and one in a years time you may not even remember. Just keep the love coming but nothing wrong with showing her sometimes that the behaviour really upsets you too.

Two year olds can be trying! It sounds hard when you are on your own with not much of a break.

She is too small to understand things like the naughty step or taking things away. I have always found at that age the best thing is distraction. Also to be positive in how you are framing things, use the carrot rather than the stick; so let’s get dressed and then we can read a quick story before we leave also give her some independence, let her pick out a top to wear and help dress herself. Give her a little bit of control.

She goes to nursery 3 days a week, will be 5 days when I start my new job. She just cries when I pick her up I think she would prefer it if I just wasn't here.

You have no idea how much I feel for you right now. DD nearly broke me when she was two. I got to the point where I dreaded getting her up in the morning because it was all so bloody awful. I felt so conflicted because I loved her to pieces, but also completely couldn't bear to be around her. I'm a pretty resilient person, and have put up with my fair share of crapness, but she really pushed me to the brink. Then one day (about a week after she turned 3), it was like a switch had been flicked. She literally turned into one of my most favourite human beings over night.
I can't offer much helpful advice (I don't think I dealt with it that well!), but I found if I used more affection with her instead of getting cross it seemed more constructive (sometimes). I tried asking why she was so cross so we could sort it together. We also started to put the 'naughty' version of her in a cupboard at the start of the day (figuratively speaking of course!) , and that often made for a more bearable morning. Getting mad at her and wound up definitely did not work. She has a comforter blanket, and it turned out that if she sucked that she calmed right down - almost as if she needed to distract herself somehow (up until then she just held it). Does your DD have anything like that she could turn to?
Good luck!

halloumiwrap thank you, I hope you are right!

thesearmsofmine thankyou, I will try that with her more, you have to get dressed because mummy has to go to work probably isn't a very good reason to her!

I apparently forgot about paragraphs there!

Oh and I’ve just remembered, I ended up putting my daughter to bed in a long sleeved vest and leggings that she could wear to nursery the next day. Not having the getting dressed fight on a nursery / work day was a game changer! She loved going to nursery in her “pyjamas” too!

Yep, they’re a nightmare!

Have you tried letting her choose which clothes she wants to wear (from a limited selection)? My DD just likes to be the one to decide so I give her a choice between a couple of t shirts or ham sandwich or cheese sandwich and then when she feels in control she’s a lot easier to deal with.

My DS is 2 years and 7 months also (March baby) and I went to park with him and my older children yesterday. I kid you not, he had a 2 hour tantrum, all the way there, while we were there, on the way home, when we got home. He screamed, hit me, bit me, bit himself. All because I made him put a coat on.

It's not easy. Often it's more then difficult, i have a day, every 2 weeks where all my kids are at school and nursery. It works a treat. Those 6 hours without children to do whatever I want. Just makes it that bit more bearable, can you not try schedule a day just to yourself? DD at nursery, you off work?

They can be a nightmare at that age! the when/then approach worked best for me (well it was least inneffective!): When you put your coat on then we can go to the park. Also offering a choice of two things can help: Do you want the blue dress or the green one? Shall I put your shoes on, or do you want to do it yourself?

Pick your battles. For example She can go to nursery In pjs- doesn’t matter if she’s not dressed. Just take clothes with you for when she’s ready to get dressed.

If you ever get time to read anything I recommend the book ‘How to talk so little kids will listen’.

As hard as it sounds when they’re being utterly infuriating I find approaching things positively and in a fun way of possible, even though that’s the last thing you want to do when you’re in a rush, is often the easiest way in that it avoids the battle. Although stuffing your flailing 2yr old into their clothes as if you’re wrestling an octopus also works if all else fails. And give the negative behaviour very little reaction at this age, they’re not going to learn from a ‘naughty step’ or toys being taken away because she’s too little to make the link between that and her behaviour and they don’t have the control to think and decide to not do something at this age. I find with both my older two that the more consistently calm and positive I keep things (and they often use up every last shred of calmness and positivity I have and I end up shouting but I try) the easier it actually is.

Lots of sympathy, it is normal but it’s also bloody hard. My youngest is 3 (she has a 7yo brother too) and I’m also a single parent. There have been so many times over the last year when I’ve thought ‘I just don’t want to live with a toddler any more’. It’s not HER, herself - it’s the age she’s at and it’s so trying.

I remember the getting dressed battles - if I had an answer I would willingly give it to you but I think it’s just time. They eventually realise it’s a normal thing to do and just cooperate! Currently my DD is dreadful at dinner time - she just won’t sit down for more than one to two minutes to eat, she has no concentration span whatsoever. I do feel that she dominates my attention and that my son loses out a lot - without any other parent around he simply has to wait, there’s no one else who can listen to him while I sort her out.

Hugs, it WILL get better and I recommend getting all the time you possibly can to yourself, even if it means a sneaky day off work while she’s in nursery to regroup.

You poor thing. You're not alone. I have a 2yr 5 month old and he is turning into a monster. He screams, kicks, bites his baby brother, refuses to get dressed or eat anything. He has his cute moments but totally hear you. Terrible twos most definitely.

Thank you everyone for the reassurance. I feel less like I'm a terrible mother now so thank you. I will weather the storm and hope this too shall pass.