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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing too much info with MIL

18 replies

ShamelessEx · 25/10/2019 14:20

NC, although this is still probably a bit outing. ExP broke up with me a few months back now after a long term relationship with a couple of struggles towards the end, they're avoiding contact around tying up loose ends (house ownership, belongings, etc). They didn't tell me why the sudden breakup, moved on immediately, gaining a reputation, lost all self-worth and respect, spreading some horrible lies about me, etc. I've desperately tried everything to learn what went wrong or to make it better, but ExP is content with their new life.

MIL has been in touch with me to learn what happened and deal with this amicably, and she's a lovely person trying to handle this nicely for the both of us.

I've been extremely upset by the breakup, maybe more so about how ExP has been behaving and the damaging lies that have been spread about me, coupled with countless lies told to me.

MIL met up with me to discuss things, and I told her some of what has been going on. Probably TMI, but I was hurt and still am hurt by what's happened, and I'm always honest with her. I've not said anything that is not true. She was mortified, despite me not giving even half of the details.

AIBU to have told MIL about ExP? I feel like I shouldn't have, but friends have said it's not a big deal given what ExP has done or said about me.

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 25/10/2019 14:28

If you told her the truth I can't see you've done anything wrong - and she doesn't even know the half of it. Your ex has done far worse.

BlueJava · 25/10/2019 14:34

It depends how discrete she is. However blood is thicker than water so I would say do t give her TMI personally.

Topseyt · 25/10/2019 14:37

No harm in having told her the truth. As you said, you haven't told her everything.

There's no reason why you should suffer in silence, with everyone thinking you may have been the bad guy when that wasn't true.

Original poster
ShamelessEx · 25/10/2019 14:38

I only told her the truth and that I was careful not to give too much information, as that's still her child. I didn't go into too much detail, but I gave plenty of examples of what ExP has said & done. She was extremely displeased but seemed okay that I was being open with her. The half of it that I know is horrendous, and I don't really want to know the rest.

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user1480880826 · 25/10/2019 14:39

I can’t see why you wouldn’t be honest with her. If she wants to help you then presumably she needs to understand the circumstances.

Original poster
ShamelessEx · 25/10/2019 14:48

I agree, I just feel conflicted telling MIL about ExP's behaviour beyond what has been said about me, but rather how they've been behaving; no shame, sleeping around, etc. it's all a bit extreme the day after ending a serious long term relationship. She didn't need to know that, but that is what ExP is doing.

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Original poster
ShamelessEx · 25/10/2019 19:13

Bump, so far looks like IANBU

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littlepaddypaws · 25/10/2019 19:26

you did the right thing to share, but only as much as you feel comfortable with.

Crunchymum · 25/10/2019 19:28

Any kids involved? I assume not.

You are being rather vague so its hard to say but my reaction is leave his mum (and family and friends) out of it.

Block him / unfollow him and stay well away.

Original poster
ShamelessEx · 25/10/2019 19:46

No kids, it was on the cards. We bought a house together and ExP’s mother got in touch with me directly to resolve this, I haven’t been chasing. They blocked me, so I can’t get in touch. But I still want to despite everything that’s happened. And sorry for being vague, too many details will definitely give it away based on some other threads.

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CatsOnCatnip · 25/10/2019 19:59

Nah! Tell it like it is.

I will say this though, my ex partners mother and I were very close, he left me for someone else and behaved very badly. She was shocked and supported me but inevitably (looking back) cooled our friendship off. I was upset at the time so just be aware that this could be a possibility later down the line.Flowers But I don’t regret telling her what a shit I thought her son was.

Original poster
ShamelessEx · 25/10/2019 20:02

There hasn’t been a friendship since, and I don’t think there will be whilst they’re doing this. My MIL is fantastic, lived with them for a few years, she genuinely cares but of course she’s looking out for her family first. Thank you, I do feel better about saying what I have!

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Josette77 · 25/10/2019 20:06

When you say "they" do you mean your ex or your inlaws?

Elieza · 25/10/2019 20:07

If your ex partner doesn’t like the truth about themselves they shouldn’t have spread lies about others. What goes around comes around. You did nothing wrong, in fact you have tried to lessen the full extent of the details as you feel for the mil as it’s her grown child who has done this.

Original poster
ShamelessEx · 25/10/2019 20:08

ExP in my last message, MIL is very supportive for both of us.

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Original poster
ShamelessEx · 27/10/2019 17:14

I told ExP, they’re not bothered by it, seemed proud more than anything. I guess I worried or felt guilty for no reason

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7yo7yo · 27/10/2019 17:31

Not that i suppose it matters but why are you being gender non specific?
What’s the point?

As long as your telling the truth and not telling malicious lies I don’t suppose it matters.

Original poster
ShamelessEx · 27/10/2019 19:39

It’s habitual due to my job. I’ve told nothing other than truth, as bad as it is

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