Big birthday organising - am I being a spoilt bitch?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Hi all,

So I need to know if I'm being high maintenance or not. Totally prepared to accept that I am if that's the case.

I have a big birthday coming up in a week. Wasn't too fussed about a party originally but DH wanted me to have one and said he would organise it so I went along with it. I have done the majority of the organising, he will pay for it.

He wanted some ideas for a present so I gave him some thinking he would go off and surprise me but he wanted us to go shopping together. Fair enough I guess - he doesn't want to get it wrong. So we went and picked out a piece of jewellery together which we then had to order in. Since then I have had to do all of the chasing up of the jewellers as he is 'too busy at work' to do it (I don't exactly sit on my arse all day).

Then he asks me if I want a cake.....erm who doesn't want cake, yes please. 'What kind of cake, and what would you like written on it?' At which point I get a bit peed off that he's not using his initiative and tell him that I'm sure whatever he chooses will be lovely. He ropes my DD in to choose which is fine.

I'm under no illusions that I'm very lucky. We're going on a Caribbean holiday without the kids just after my birthday. Organised by me, but we split the cost. I just feel like I'm having to do a lot of the chasing around for something that he's meant to be organising. Am I being a spoilt bitch?

No, you're not. Throwing loads of money at something doesn't mean that he's put any thought into it. The money is a red herring.

Happy birthday!!!!

Most people will probably say YABU and they didn’t even get a card for their birthday so think yourself lucky, but actually I think YANBU, it’s “wife work” and all the admin associated with organising parties etc which it’s so often just expected that women will do, and it takes the fun out of it for you. It’s like when DP says he’s going to cook tea, then asks a million questions about how to do this that or the other so in the end you end up taking over, then he expects you to be grateful that he’s cooked dinner You’ve basically organised a party for yourself, YANBU for being annoyed at having to do that.

No he's known you for a long time now, he should know what you like and should know how to organise things.

Why didnt you just say:

"No, really, I dont actually want a party"
And
"I want you to pick whatever you think I might like, I really want to be surprised, just go for it"
And
"Any cake is good, please do whatever"
And
"Hey, I've booked hotels for the Caribbean, can you sort activities please?"

Not at all. He’s less than half arsing it and showing you he’s not that bothered it’s what you want. You’re making life too easy on him. He knows what sort of cake you like, he bloody organises it. Likewise the jewellery, it’s his gift, his job to chase it up.

He’s being a pain.

YANBU. It's your birthday and he's the one who wanted the party - he needs to sort it!
He's being ridiculous not even sorting your present himself.

Brace yourself for the "my husband didn't even remember my birthday so YABU because I married a twat" responses though...

Haha thanks all, sometimes you need a bit of a sense check.

@gwackywacky I've no doubt he'll organise something while we're away but he will ask me first - it's like he's scared of getting it wrong, but we've been together for 7 years so he should know me well enough by now!

It depends if you have a reputation for kicking off or sulking if something isn't exactly how you want it.

we've been together for 7 years so he should know me well enough by now!

Indeed. If he doesn’t, he’ll learn!

In all the time have you managed to throw him decent birthdays without endlessly double checking things with him? If so then don’t expect less from him than you do of yourself.

Hope you have a fabulous birthday

No I don't 'kick off' if everything isn't exactly how I want it. I can be quite particular about certain things but I would never sulk or not appreciate the effort put into something. Also he's known me for 7 years!

And yes I do organise his birthdays without a fuss but he hasn't had a 'big one' with me yet.

Pleasantly surprised at not being called spoilt - MN never ceases to surprise me!

UPDATE: Am going to seriously lose my shit. Two days till the party. Just asked husband if he sorted the decorations out and I get 'shit, no! What kind of decorations do you want?'

Just fucking use your initiative and sort something out!!! Sat in other room silently fuming

I’d be very upset with the lack of thought, effort and initiative. For my 30th my hubby baked me a surprise cake himself and hid it in the shed overnight! It cost nothing, but I really appreciated the effort.

To be fair he's pulled it out of the bag today. Lovely gifts and he's on it with the decorations. Feeling spoilt.