Dd is 4 and has recently started school. Since around 2yr3m she has been under peads for possible ASD and things at home have always been difficult but manageable. Since starting school behaviours have gone utterly vile especially the past 3 weeks with increasingly violent meltdowns. She can't sit still, she is absolutely manic at home and out and about.
However at school she can sit still and is lovely and calm and one of the best behaved in class, zero issues on their front.
School have become aware of her behaviour because it's happening on pick up and drop off, it's hard not to see a 4 year old lashing out at their mum. They are quite clear she is fine there and have offered to do some parenting work with me.
I had more or less accepted it is me being rubbish and she's just being a naughty violent child for me. However I have just received her latest developmental observation from her childminders and several bits in that are the child I see at home rather than the child I see at school. Plus several people who usually help me out with watching her now won't because they can't keep her safe and at dancing her teacher is really struggling with her. So now I'm torn because surely they wouldn't be saying these things that they observe if they weren't seeing them? Plus her little brother is nothing like this. I can actually have a conversation with him or say things like "hold on a moment" without world war 3 breaking out.
I have spent all week devastated because it is obviously me but I don't know what to do about it but now I'm starting to wonder if I'm being unreasonable to say that it's not me?