To think that moving DC to new school in Y2 would be easier?

[JoanLewis]

I'm posting here for traffic, as I didn't get any response to a longer post on Primary Education.

Less of an AIBU, but more of a question - if you moved a child during primary school, how long before they 'settled' and felt at home?

DC moved at beginning of Y2 in Sept and it seemed ok to start with, but now I worry they aren't really making friends. It's a smallish class (single form entry) and I think they're really struggling to find their place. DC is confident (or, at least vocal, which might actually be a mask for insecurity at times) and bright and pretty resilient (i.e. not phased at all by the disruptive or bullying kids in their previous class), which I think is making it harder in some ways - or maybe just harder for me because I expected this transition to be easier!

We've had the odd playdate, but they're hard to fit in due to us both working and DC having most afternoons busy with after school activities. And they've all been ones we've instigated, rather than others inviting DC.

My child hasn't moved however to be honest playdates in Year 2 were few and far between mostly undtigsted by me. There seemed to be a shift in parents working patterns and of course the class parties stopped. So in short it just may be that this natural shift has happened and may not be connected to your child's setting in at all.

It's still really early days so I would try and relax. Ds moved in year3 and he did make a friend straight away but only because another boy joined the class the same day and they stuck together, it was quite a bit longer before he played with anyone else from the class.

When you say he does after school activities, does the school have an after school club/child care type thing? I found that really useful for ds to spend time with a few of the other children from his class that had working parents in a really relaxed environment, more chance to chat than a sports club.

Thanks for the responses!

Yes, I think I do need to relax EnglishRose! It's just so hard. They came home in tears yesterday because so-and-so had been mean to them (one child in particular and DC seem to butt heads - v. similar personality types!). I just hate seeing them unhappy. Also, I'm prepared to admit that this is probably a lot to do with me and its triggering childhood anxiety about being left out, etc.

There is no after school club (childcare) but there are various clubs, which DC does on 1 afternoon.

Interesting point Arnold about playdates happening less frequently in Y2 onwards.

One of mine moved start of yr 2 - misssed first week due to house delays.

She'd settled by now and had made friends. One of our older children did take longer.

Play dates and calls parties weren't really going on - though next year we did have rare party invites they just don't happen as much as pervious school.

Many of the parents knew each other and we were also outside catchment and school still often assumes your level of knowledge is same as theirs - so you have to know to ask about things - which made it harder for us to feel settled and sorted - but kids did better faster.

Dc never moved primary, but we lots of play dates in reception, a few in year 1, then year 2,3, cooled off, and then increased in 4, and turned to sleepovers in year 5,6. The is was the same for both dc and there’s 5 years difference. It was hard because we were all working parents, and because the boys started rugby, football, swimming, etc after school, sometimes you only had 1 free evening a week, hence sleep overs became the thing. So please don’t read too much into the lack of play dates! Hope they settle soon.

We moved YR/Y2, and then again Y4/Y6.
The one that makes friends easily and is a chatterbox took about 3 seconds to find new friends each time.
The one that sits back, watches what is going on , then decides what he is going to do took longer, and always had less friends.

I'm finding it hard to break into the Mummy cliques at collection - and am probably not helping myself by just thinking fcuk you all, and being antisocial now.

Yes, the mummy cliques is a whole other conversation ColdRainAgain! Although, actually, the parents all seem really lovely and have been very friendly so far (as do/have the kids, actually). So hopefully things will get better as DC just gets to know everyone more and finds their place in the friendship groups

It’s still early days for your DC. I’d try not to worry too much about it at the minute.

My DC joined Y3 and Reception at their current primary school last year, in March.

DC2 settled quickly, I think being in Reception helped partly because there’s more playtimes and partly because friendship groups are more fluid at that age.

DC1 has found it a lot harder to settle, especially in terms of making friends - he’s still not entirely reconciled to the move even now, 6 months on -but he has ASD and finds that sort of thing more challenging than most children do. So we were expecting it to take him longer to settle really.