People moaning about money when financially comfortable

[FishCanFly]

Just returned from a short holiday with a family member. Exotic location. Yes, we went on a cheap, staying in an airbnb and eating out in local taverns rather fancy beachfront, but still very enjoyable. All the time my relative was sneering at "those European tourists" (like we weren't them too), as "they obviously must be loaded with money", moaning how she is on a "breadline" and how difficult things are at home. Final straw was when she said - let's not put our photos on facebook because "people will react badly when i complain about money" - and I'm right there thinking - have you got no shame?

I have a friend like this, I find it strange but other than this she's great so I try not to get on the subject of money with her.
She's always saying they have no money, can't afford holidays etc but her dh earns about the same as mine and she works too. They have no mortgage, he has a very flash car and pays £750 a month credit for it. They have all the latest phones, fit bit and always getting new clothes. She earns and keeps the money for her own spending rather than into a joint account for family spending. She goes on multiple long weekends, short breaks a year.

I don't understand how they can't afford holidays or what they seem to spend their money on but it is frustrating when she says how broke they are.

I agree OP, it’s so frustrating. I have a friend who has made ‘being poor and saving money’ her whole identity. She isn’t poor at all but likes to save crazy amounts leaving herself with no spending money.

One day I saw her she was in a terrible mood and snapped that she was upset because she had overspend that month by 20 pence. I thought I had misheard so said ‘twenty pounds isn’t too bad’. She flipped and shouted at me like I was an idiot: ‘Not TWENTY POUNDS I would never overspend by twenty POUNDS! Twenty PENCE!’

I did think wow are you really not seeing how crazy you’ve become about this. You’re shouting at me about 20p! I’m all for being careful with money but for some people it can become almost like a MH issue.

Just remembered my aunt moans about the cost of things a lot, would rather take a bus than a taxi but then moans about the dreadful bus journey. She doesn't have a huge pension & she's alone so I get the anxiety. However she has a 1.6m 6 bed house that she doesn't really need & a 300k holiday home (moans about the taxes) when I suggest downsizing to afford said taxi I'm rude & don't understand 🙄

@broomzoom If she gets anxious, then the thought of selling and moving alone probably seems overwhelming. This is why lots of councils offer elderly council tenants practical help to downsize. The advice I have always heard from older people, is downsize before you need to. Because finding it too hard to downsize is a common issue amongst elderly people.

@broomzoom I suspect this is why she says you don't understand.

I recognise that but she has the option to sell her holiday home plus she's in good health & 65.

Of course she doesn't have to do either but don't moan to people who have less about how poor you are then.

Selling is still work. Maybe you could offer to help? This is not about being in poor health, but you mention anxiety, so I suspect this at the route of it.

She's quite au fait with buying & selling (this is her 3rd holiday home) & if she wanted help she can ask her kids, nieces & nephews & brothers & sisters (who also get pissed off with her moaning). I'm pretty sure if she did downsize & had 1m extra in the bank she would still moan about the cost of things. Some people just like to moan & aren't great are recognising what they do have.

I agree @broomzoom sadly some people just love moaning about how ‘poor’ they are. Honestly with some you know they could win £1m and give it a few months the moaning would be back.

@NotStayingIn that’s just crazy! I would have handed her a 20p to show her how ridiculous she is and said here have this if it means you’ll shut up

My SIL does this - but it's very manipulative and she basically does it to get my PILs to pay for everything despite the fact she has more savings than either of them.

Could this be the case here - if her family sees her spending on social media, they may question things more?

I know a couple of people like this, will complain about how poor they are, how they can't afford this that and the other (like a decent food shop or that they struggle with rent) and then book foreign all inclusive holidays, buy a new car, redecorate their house. Me and DH can't afford these things yet don't consider ourselves poor. It really does wind me up, I'd love to be as 'poor' as some of these people claim to be

Could this be the case here - if her family sees her spending on social media, they may question things more?

Certainly family and friends would be much less tolerant of her moaning and complaining.
But it does suck the joy out of holidays and life in general - that sneery attitude that there are nicer hotels out there and everything else.

People are entitled to moan about what they like. Some people are just never happy regardless of what they do or don't have. However, that's their problem. What you need to learn is how to block it out and don't give the reaction they are looking for.

People who have money are totally entitled to feel skint, to feel squeezed or to moan they can't afford a holiday this year. Moaning is not the prerogative of the poor. Just learn to ignore it. Them having less will not give you more.