To find trying to stop people pleasing is bloody difficult?

[AliciaWhiskers]

ARGH!

What I want to be able to say is "no, I'm not interested in trying again with you, because you are a cheating, lying scumbag", but instead, I find myself saying "when have I told you that I didn't want to try again?".

What the actual fuck am I on??

My only mildly proud moment of the entire conversation was stopping it when I realised I was having the same conversation that I used to have with my ex husband.

But for fuck's sake, seriously. Why can I not say no, even in a nice way, to someone who has fucked me over?

Even on here, even with people that I don't even know and can't even see, I am worried that I might say something that might upset someone. How the hell do I sort this out?

It's hard to be blunt and say it how it is. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet.

It is hard. But read Nice Girl Syndrome by Dr Beverley Engol.

When you accept that not everyone is going to like you or the things you do and say.
It's ok to be selfish some times try to please yourself and that inner voice you are battling with

Man, I'm fucking sick of people lying to me.

ExH has just done it as well tonight. I called him up on it. I'm so tired of it.

@RueCambon thanks for the book recommendation will check that out.

Google The Problem with being too nice.

Lots of good articles on line. Basically if you are racing to please others but dont naturally have healthy boundaries, then you are comfortable giving, pleasing, accommodating others, but not comfortable accepting help or expressing a preference or a need.

So you end up pushing away the people who would be there for you because they sense you are not comfortable accepting their help or kindness. They sense a boundary there even though you havent even articulated it. So they respect that and step back.

People who ignore your boundaries fill the vacuum.

Thanks, will look that up.

Definitely agree with this People who ignore your boundaries fill the vacuum