To be scared im going to lose my mind

[purplepolo]

Have a toddler and due our second middle of december.

OH has come home today and declared that he will most likely only be able to take a couple of days off when baby arrives. Cue me in panic mode

Im really struggling to think how im going to cope on my own after that. Hes self employed, up at 4/5am and back around 6pm, goes to bed around 9pm. Toddler has days where I just feel like ripping my hair out, what happens when shes going off on one and I have a baby stuck to my boob. I think i just felt like i really needed a couple weeks with him home to find my feet with 2 kids. Ill have minimal help from family anyway, i.e. theyll only want to come over to see newborn for a bit then theyll leave.

Anyone spare me some advice?? Tell me im unreasonable and that ill be fine!

It's tough but doable.

Get a sling, something like a Close Caboo you could feed in. Makes wiping bottoms and getting lunch ready a doddle.

Lots of snuggles with a duvet and both of them on the sofa. Fill a basket with snacks and bottles of water, have the toddler fetch you those and books, puzzles, muslins, nappies etc.

If your toddler still naps pop them in the buggy and push them around outside while you rock the baby in the sling.

And ask DH what his contingency plan is if you end up having EMC or difficult recovery. Because if that happens it's not just your problem to solve.

Why will he only be able to take two days off?

Contracts he must fulfil? Money worries?

It will be fine either way I promise - he can do the early morning feeds for a start! - but @hookiwooki is right, he needs to devise a contingency plan for if you have to stay in longer than expected or need a section.

Baby no. 2, I just made my world much smaller. I stuck to DS1's routine, and used a sling for DS2. I basically went to bed at 7pm, napped when they napped, and it sort of worked.

does he work weekends. Is it a business that gets busier at Christmas or quieter at Christmas. Can he not afford the time off financially or its there too much work to do. Does he have employees or just him?

you need a strong chat with your OH. A few days is not enough. He needs to step up for his family, and this time it means he needs to be there for you physically and mentally, not with his head in the business. Don't accept the "I'm doing this for the family" shite. He should be able to organise his time, inform his customers, delegate, whatever, to give him a couple of weeks with you at home.

Remember the phrase: YOUR lack of planning is not MY emergency!

How old is your toddler? Do they go to nursery or childminder? If not, could they start now a couple of days a week? Only downside is the bugs they bring home

It's doable. I had twins when dc was 4 as a lone parent my mum stayed over first night then I was on my own.
Remember this is not your first you'll be much more confident, get toddler doing little things to help eg fetch nappies, invest in a sling as it means your hands free for toddler, buy toddler some new books/ jigsaws/games that baby gives then when your feeding you can read / play together. It's amazing what you can do while breastfeeding (I would breastfeed one while making tea for dc), online supermarket shop is your friend and make sure you have a stock of premade meals in freezer that just need heating up. When dc are resting you rest, if the house isn't tidy it doesn't matter. If you don't venture out its not the end of the world, same if you don't get dressed. Most important the first few weeks is you all bond, your eldest feels part of it and you get through it.