I don't want my dad on my wedding certificate

[HeresMyBrightIdea]

I get married next Spring, and gave notice this week.

Part of the questions was about my parents. I told the registrar that my dad was deceased, and she said we'd put his details anyway, because people might want to use it for ancestry tracking etc. She was lovely and talked about how she'd lost her own father a few years ago, and what had helped her. She was excited to say that my mothers details may well be able to be included by the time I get married.

What I didn't tell her, because I didn't think it was relevant, is that my parents were very abusive before they died. I don't want either of them on my certificate. I don't really feel they deserve to be there, and I don't want any of their family to track me down. I just strongly don't want them on it.

The wedding has bought all this to the fore for me a bit - there's so much that involves your parents - and I don't know if IABU to not want them there... I have no idea if it's possible for them not to be.

I didn't include my dad on mine. We are estranged and i have no contact at all. I told the registrar i couldn't answer the questions about him and she said it didn't matter. A lot of people don't even know who their dad is. You don't need to explain yourself, just say you don't want him on there.

I agree just say you don't want him on there. She probably thought she was being kind as you had lost a much loved dad. Just go back and make sure he won't be put on.

You can absolutely ask for them not to be on there. My dad left before I was born never to be seen again. While I knew the information they wanted I simply requested it was left blank and it was. No pressure whatsoever.

He will be listed as 'Forename Surname (Deceased)'. Maybe it will help you to see on there that he is dead, as in seeing it in print will reinforce that he is dead and can no longer hurt you?

Thank you all, I'm going to contact them tomorrow and ask that it's left blank. It's such a relief that is allowed.

When I got married I had this conversation. At the time when I gave notice they said they'd put it on and then put a line through it... but they didn't even put his name on it!

Completely optional

You don't have to have it put on, they just put a little line in the box.

I left it blank. Mine didn’t deserve to be on it either.

Sorry that you’re having to go through this.

20 years later zero regrets on my part.

I had to give details of both parents, I’m in Scotland though. It’s weird seeing the names on there and I would ask what can be done to avoid having them.

Yes recently married. It's optional.

I left mine blank too, I can't remember when they asked me but I just said no thank you and that was it.

I left mine blank, I said if I couldn't have my mum I wasn't having my dad. They just put a line through. I did feel some guilt but as the years have gone on I've been proven it was the right decision

My dad’s not on mine. Hasn’t made the slightest bit of difference and the only person that knows other than my husband is the registrar as they asked for what I wanted on the document privately prior to the wedding.

I recently got married and was in the same position of not wanting my dad on my certificate but unfortunately had to include him. In Scotland, if that makes a difference.

I was given the option on the day to have my stepdads name instead as he was giving me away

Another one in Scotland here and was pressed heavily for details of my father despite the fact he walked out before I was born. I gave his name but had to just make up an occupation as I’ve no idea and she wasn’t for letting it go.

Clear it up in advance so you know - I didn’t want my dads details on mine so left them off when giving notice, only for the registrar to get in a flap and start asking for all his details right before the service. She made it seem like it wasn’t optional and had to be on there! Queue my mum getting involved and trying to say what we should put as his occupation (one he hadn’t had for decades, but she thought it was more “reputable” than his most recent one before he retired), to-ing and fro-ing with unnecessary stress and made me late for the ceremony, which I was not happy about!
Wish I’d had it clarified so that I could’ve just said “no thank you” on the day instead.

I’m a Registrar. Whilst it is useful to have father’s details on your wedding certificate( for family history purposes), its entirely up to you and no one can force you to include this information. The law is changing soon to allow mother’s details on your marriage certificate.