Not an AIBU but a What would you do?

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

I write this feeling very confused and I need wise mumsnetters guidance please.
My daughter aged 7 has come home from school today telling me she was shouted at by a parent in the cloakroom at school today.Last night she came home from school upset that two girls had pulled her about and nipped her arms.She told a teacher and the teacher told her to stay away from the girls.I think this is normal childish rough and tumble to a point.Then today I dropped her off to go into school and waved her off into the cloak room,she was happy to be there.I said quietly if you have any problems today please see your teacher and off she went happily in.I came home all was as it should be.Then at pick up tonight she came out and said mummy I need to tell you something I was in trouble today.For her to be in trouble in its self was startling enough but she said today when I was taking my coat off in the cloakroom I was talking to my friend who had asked her if she was ok as he had seen her cry the day before ,when one of the girls mothers whos child had nipped her went into the cloakroom and said to my daughter shut up moaning enough now my child and other child will play together and you can;t stop them .Now beyond my fury at my child been approached by another parent in what is supposed to be a secure cloakroom inside school how dare she shout at my child ? How dare she interfere between two kids chatting and who the hell is she to tell my child anything ...I am a bit shell shocked to be honest and I dont know what to do.Do I confront the mother? do I see the head? do I leave it? what do I do? It seems extreme for a mother of 7 year olds to do this or is it not?My daughter is ok but I am beyond angry,confused as to why it happened and I just can;t process whats going on.Am I missing something? It all seems well I don;t know but for an adult to shout at a child its just beyond my comprehension....Any advice mums will be gratefully recieved cos I am stumped and I feel as though I am missing something here?

If it was me, I would confront the mother but then I'm quite confrontational

Go see the head.

I would go to the school, mostly to check if what your daughter is saying is fact.
I'm not saying it isn't, but once you know for sure, then you can decide what steps to take.

Go in and speak with the teacher or head, and try to get some clarity around the situation.

Do not confront the unhinged mother.

Go in and see the school tomorrow. Totally unacceptable for any other parent to speak to a child that is not their own in that way let alone, as you say, in what should be a safe environment. Even if (and I am not suggesting she was), your daughter was saying things about theirs they should have dealt with it by speaking to the teacher.

Thank you all for your replies...I genuinely mean that.Its 03.15 and I can;t sleep as this is on my mind. I will make an appointment with the head and try to get clarity fro her,.I know the school has had numerous run ins with this woman before but now it seems it is my turn.From what I can gather she has quite a record of being underhanded with various other parents too in regard of how she sees their childrens behaviour.It just seems an odd thing for my daughter to make up,,the language that was used would be out of my daughters skill set to make up if you see what I mean...so there must be an element of truth about it. I find it highly disturbing this parents behaviour...its bizarre to me.all ways round.Thank you all again I appreciate your responses.

Unsupervised children in a cloakroom with adults not employed by school ( not CRB checked)
That's a safeguarding issue. Report.

Awful! Why are parents in there???

Go straight to school today!

Your poor daughter. Even if what your dd said isn't the whole truth that parent shouldn't have been there unattended!

I'm so angry for you!!

Talk to the teacher and the head. Tell them your not happy as your child should be safe inside school. I would also tell the parent if she has something to say regarding my child she approaches me not bullies my child.

I’d also confront the mum. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. I’d be livid.

I'd confront the mother (I wouldn't be able to stop myself) but, for your child's sake, don't cause a scene.

It's best to speak to the head first. Make sure they're aware that if the don't resolve the issue to your satisfaction, though, that you will take matters into your own hands.

Thank you all for your support I am meeting the head at 3pm...

Outrageous that she should speak to your child like that. I would demand that she is kept away from my child ie. Off school property.

@Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe how'd you go with the head? Did it go the way you wanted?

How did it go?
There is a huge safeguarding issue there that you are right to feel angry at the school about.
I’d be angry at unhinged mother too... and would probably say something next time I saw her - along of the lines of “go near my child again and you’ll have me to deal with”. However, I’m a northerner with a strong accent in the south of England so my DP says these statements sound worse when I say them! So if you’re not as confident, I’d push the school hard to resolve.

Thank you all for your help and sound advice..I had a meeting with the head yesterday which was very constructive.She was as disturbed as I was about the breach in Safe guarding at school and was very proactive in calling in the class teachers to ensure it was tightened up immediately.All was noted and put on record and assurances were given that She personally would be there in the background to see that it was being observed and that my daughter was fully supervised quietly until She was satisfied all was well again.I believe and trust school to do this.The head also offered to call in the said parent for a meeting which I refused,My concern the main one was with my childs safety and security, As for the mother well I have found my balls and sorted her out myself.I caught up with her outside the school and quite forgot I was a lady! I explained to her in words she could understand that should she ever deem to even look in my daughters direction from now on let alone speak with her then ...well you get the drift! The school were brilliant,,My daughter is fine and I am happy to put the whole sorry situation behind us.The mother was made to look what she is and I didnt say my piece to her privately so I would imagine as other parents were in the vacinity I have sufficiently embarrassed her enough to hopefully let her reflect on her outrageous behaviour and for her to know it is not such a good idea to attack/bully/intimidate young children which ever bit of her actions she thought was right.I am happy its sorted.I am happy now to put the issue to bed and I am so grateful for your responses and your help and support.Thank you all.

Brilliant all round OP!

Well done OP!

Very well done OP!

So pleased for you! What did the woman say when you confronted her?