To expect school to tell me?

[Prepaymentfear]

4 yesr old DD is in reception. Struggling at home which school know however she is fine at school. Upon leaving yesterday another child was quite clearly telling their mum that my DD had hurt them and their teacher had told her off. Should school not inform me if my child is hurting another child?

It depends on the situation. Biting, yes. Punching, yes. A bit of shoving (especially if mutual) over a toy or something, I wouldn’t necessarily expect to be specifically told.

Minor disagreements, bickering etc I think the school would deal with and not involve you, anything more serious then yes, you should be told. I imagine it was something minor. You could always ask if you're worried?

I think that's the bit that has thrown me is I don't know what the supposed incident was. Just a very loud 4 year old telling her mum with me behind them. I'm just worried they are saying she is fine but she's actually not.

I'd say it depends on the severity, frequency and situation.

I've worked in schools and nurseries. If we told parents of both parties about every single incident we'd have been very busy after school.

Please don't stress about this. It could have been an accident or the child could have perceived it as a bigger issue than it was. The school would tell you if there was anything of concern.

I'd say if school were worried, thry tell you.

I got told DS had smacked someone else and had to go in time put, but he has a 121 and so we talk more. Also it was a first, v unusual for him and he was punished so was right to tell me. Had it been a "both of you stop pushing" end of conversation I wouldn't expect to be told.

Just ask them

Only if it’s a significant incident. If it’s one of the dozens of small encounters that happen with YR, then no. They’ll deal with it I need class. Plus the outraged individual is 4, so their understanding if ‘Hurt me’ often differs from an adult’s.
Ask the teacher what happened if you are worried.

At 4 “Lizzie hurt me” could include Lizzie sitting quietly with their legs stretched out and Y tripped over their feet. “The teacher told them off” could include the teacher saying “Lizzie darling, can you tuck your legs in. Good girl.”

4 year olds can be very dramatic.