AIBU - or is she?

[MrsLlewellynBowen]

Earlier this year, a friend and I booked tickets to an event at the beginning of next month. She's not a friend I get to see very often despite living not that far apart, as far as I can tell she was looking forward to it as much as I was.

Last night I got a message to say that she can't make it as she hasn't got childcare. I have to admit I'm actually pretty upset and pissed off. I was looking forward to spending the time with her and having some decent conversation. Also, it's not as if she hasn't had over six months to arrange something.

She has said that I can take a friend instead and she won't ask for money back for the ticket she's already paid for. I don't have a huge number of friends and those I do have are spread far and wide throughout the country and so I have limited options nearby, and all of those are either busy or away so can't go with me. So the evening I was looking forward to is going to be me on my own.

AIBU to be upset? Is she being unreasonable to expect that I have a friend I can take at fairly short notice?

Yabu she hasnt asked for the money and told you to take a friend. It's not her fault she has not childcare

She isn’t expecting you to have a friend. She can’t make it and is kindly offering you her ticket so you can take a friend if you have one. It’s frustrating, and it may not even be the real reason, but she is within her rights.

YANBU to be upset but you sound like you think she's been lazy and hasn't been bothered sorting it out, which is unreasonable given you said she was excited too. Maybe someone cancelled on her last minute. Maybe she's been asking for 6 months. Maybe she sat on the loo and cried cos she won't get 1 night off to see her friend.

I don't think she's being unreasonable to think you'd have a friend who would go for free, it's a shame you don't have many local friends but as most people have at least friendly aquaintences locally why wouldn't she think you do?

Sorry I know it seems rubbish but I’m
sure she’d rather spend the evening with you, she’s paid so that shows a commitment.
I can sympathise as we have very limited (ie practically none) childcare, my husband works away a lot and I’ve had to cancel many nights or just not commit.
We rarely go out together, 1-2 times a year if at the grandparents. Paying for childcare is astronomical and our friends all have relatives nearby so don’t need childcare themselves so can’t do a reciprocal arrangement. I have booked one friend in for October next year as we’ve a concert to go to but I hate asking when we can’t return the favour.
For some it’s unfortunately the way it is. I’d love to go out more but I can’t, maybe I’m 10 years time?!

I don't think she is unreasonable. There may have been a genuine reason that she couldn't make it such as her babysitter pulled out at the last minute and she didn't have anyone else.

Also she hasn't asked for the money back, she said that she couldn't make it but hopefully you could take someone else and still go to the event. That sounds like a good friend.