And completely pathetic?

[nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut]

Oh who am I kidding, I know I am! I need someone to hand me a grip and shake some sense into me because this is ridiculous. This is what I might have considered as a 12 year old but as a grown woman its stupid!

The situation is this. Due to various traumas as a child I have never had a relationship. The thought has always terrified me. Recently I've been working with this man, I don't really want to say the exact circumstances but basically I'm a longstanding client of his.

I have a crush on him. I thought it was "just a crush" but the longer I'm around him the more I like him, I'm even attracted to him sexually which has honestly never happened before, I've never had any sexual attraction to anyone. This is possibly because he is very physically demonstrative, always touching and hugging and even though I'm generally not, I have grown to trust him and even like this trait.

The problem I have? A crippling fear of rejection. He tends to go for pretty, slim women which is pretty much everything I'm not. I am not at all his type and don't want to mess up the relationship we already have.

WIBU to write him an email from a fake address and tell him and ask how he would take it if a client were to confess to having feelings for him? It's the uncertainty I can't deal with. If I knew he wouldn't react badly and ghost me then I'd probably put on my lacy big girl knickers and bloody ask him out but I just don't know.

I can't, can I? I'm just going to have to grow the fuck up.

I'm being a right muppet, I know but I just have no experience whatsoever and the anxiety is killing me. Someone talk sense to me please because this is the silliest most pathetic dilema I've ever had.

Yeah don't send that email haha aww though, your poor thing. I'm not sure what advice to give, it's a bit awkward because of the business relationship you have. What vibes do you get from him?

Don't send the email, because ultimately it will come down to the individual client and his attraction to that individual , even if he says he wouldn't for professional reasons.

You could maybe go at it gently. Ask him for lunch or a coffee?

How long have you known him? Are you sure he's single? Don't write the email, that's a terrible idea

And I'd add don't "confess your feelings" either. That's just a bit cringe.

As said, ask him for coffee or lunch one on one, something that can be mistrued as friendship and see what he says.

I identify with a lot of what you said. Don't send the email- it'll mess things up! You have to be cool and easy going, even if inside you are the reverse!

Yeh, don’t send the email. Ask him for a coffee/lunch or something and sound him out

Depending on what kind of client you are, it could potentially be very unethical for him to have a relationship. In my field, you need to have stopped the client /professional relationship for at least six months before you can embark on a romantic relationship.

Even if that's not the case, don't do it.

Is this a business relationship or is he a trainer/teacher/counsellor type person? If so, it's really really common for people to have crushes/strong feelings in these situations. It's safe, they've shown themselves as "decent" people, and it's a way of coping with emotions - for example, your fear of rejection.

That's not to say your feelings aren't real - of course they are! But it might be best to see it as a preparation for a real relationship rather than a relationship in itself. Perhaps it's your brain's way of saying you're ready to go out there and give it a try. He's not the only man in the world and I promise not the only man you'll ever feel sexual feelings for. But it's more like a bike with stabilisers on - you can't fall off, but it's also not as good as riding without them.

Yeah not sending it, what would I even write?! "Hi, just to let you know I kind of want to jump you when you bend over like that. Is that weird?"

Known him years. Yes I know, Cringe. Why do you think I'm on here making a fool of myself instead of in front of him? *headdesk"

Ugh, why can't anything just be easy?!

You're probably right, Michael, it's because he's a safe option. Possibly even because he's not really a realistic option. I don't know about being ready though. If I'm too afraid to even ask him out, wtf would I be like with someone I actually have a chance with?

But that's WHY it's safe, because you would never talk to him about it. Your brain needs these romantic feelings of attachment to somebody so they will manifest themselves somehow, but because you can't form a relationship with someone it's chosen exactly the person you won't ever admit it to, so that you can experience the feelings without having to act on it.

When you find the person who you have these feelings for and is truly available to you, it will come easily to discuss it or let them know about it.

No no no to emailing. Would scare me off if someone did that
I think you just need to be brave in a face to face environment and drop in a 'fancy a coffee after the meeting' type of question? Then gauge how he reacts as best you can from that. If he's not interested it will be a straight up no thanks, you then have your answer

Good luck

oh darling ask him for a coffee or something. keep it casual and friendly to start with.

Is he your hairdresser?

Can you explain what kind of client you are exactly draw an analogy or something cuz it's kind of hard to give suggestions without knowing the setting

He's a kind of trainer. No position of authority though. And hell no to asking him for coffee. I'm just going to embrace my inner 13 year old and refuse acknowledge it.