It's another disabled loos/radar key one

[ballpittrauma]

I've just seen the other radar key thread and thought I would ask if IABU to buy a radar key.

DS is 4 and has HF ASD and a moderate visual impairment. He's still not fully dry yet. He's not partially sighted, but it affects his depth perception, doesn't recognise faces etc. I'm due to give birth in a few weeks. I'm panicking about how I can help him with the loo and take baby's pram in.

I've only got my friends kid to go by, but he's the same age and his mum can just stand outside the cubical and leave him to do his thing. My kid needs help pulling up his pants and trousers, can't wipe himself and struggles to get on the loo.

I've noticed many loos where you can't even fit a normal sized pram/stroller in through the door of the regular ladies, so without the radar key I'd have to carry the baby whilst trying to help him.

Would I be unreasonable to get a radar key and use the disabled loos? Obviously I'd let someone with higher needs go first.

I don't think YABU as such OP, your son has additional access needs. How would you judge someone else's level of need though and let them go first? My illness is entirely invisible (as are many) and I don't always use a mobility aid but I use the accessible toilet due to continence issues, severe bladder pain from a full bladder, an IBD and a condition that causes me to pass out if I am standing too long (say in a queue).

I think it's best to just use it if you're going to and be as quick as the situation allows as it's not as though you can ask those waiting what's wrong and decide if it's a higher need, seeing someone waiting for the disabled loo who looks well doesn't mean they have a lower need either.

I don't know really, I assumed I could just ask if they needed to go first. Or is that rude?

YANBU - the key would be to help your son who has a disability. He's perfectly entitled to use the disabled facility.

Get a key- he truly needs your help in there.

YANBU.

Yep, he needs your help there. The other alternative would be to have baby in a sling or wrap rather than a pushchair/pram.

You can ask if there is a queue outside a disabled toilet, it isn't unusual for me to ask if someones going to be ages or really quick and my mate always offers others to go ahead of her as shes always going to take ages.

YANBU to use the disabled loo because you have a child with a disability.
Think of it this way, if your DS didn’t have HFA and a visual impairment, you wouldn’t be considering getting a Radar key. Therefore, you are using the disabled loo because of your son’s disability.

Seems entirely reasonable to have a radar key for a disabled child.

Perfectly fine even without the buggy. Your DS needs assistance and that can be tricky in regular sized cubicles once children are bigger than toddler sized.

I think it’s absolutely fine for you to get a key as he does have a disability and that’s the criteria.

Obviously lots of people manage the same problem when they have a small age gap etc and my 4yo wouldn’t want to be left in a cubicle by herself so I either take baby out of pushchair and carry her with me or take buggy in and leave the door partially open so I can watch both - this latter option works best most of the time so I wouldn’t worry too much if it doesn’t arrive in time or you forget it etc.

If a disabled loo is showing as engaged, please don't assume you can just go ahead and unlock it with a radar key. If it is engaged, it is probably in use. Nothing more frustrating than someone ignoring the engaged sign (it happens more often than you think).

@ThomasHardyPerennial noted. Always wondered how that would work.

@MakeLemonade I've tried leaving the door open a little, but he goes into a meltdown because he wants to be physically held on the toilet. Plus (no idea if this is a 4 year old thing or an ASD thing) he can't have anyone seeing him doing his business. He's got no problem with anyone seeing his body, he'd be naked out in public all day long if I let him! But when he's weeing or pooing NOONE can look in his direction. Even me, his mother. If I'm wearing a hat I have to pull it over my face, if not, I have to tightly close my eyes, turn my head and cover my face with my hair. And the door must be closed. Not sure how to manage all that with a baby in a sling!

Thanks op. In most places they aren't necessary, and disabled loos are just like any other toilet (shopping centres and so on). People seem so surprised when they just use their key, and find the toilet occupied. It's mortifying for the person using the loo.

@MindyStClaire some of the cubicles are so small! I've had to abandon trips out and make a quick run to the car to put a nappy on him because we physically can't both fit in a cubicle and get the door closed with my pregnant belly.

Oh bless him! That is totally fair, I also prefer not to be watched when on the loo although my children don’t seem to have got that memo

Not unreasonable at all. This, to me, is the very situation where one would be totally justified.
As a mother with a visually impaired/blind child - I totally get it xx

Go for it, entirely appropriate IMO.

Especially as he neefs holding! A bit tricky with a baby in a sling to say the least, not to mention the effect on your back...

YANBU at all, your child has a disability and needs this facility.

Ok, I've ordered one and am going to get a sunflower lanyard in case it's not obvious why we have a key.
Thanks everyone.

A correctly fitted RADAR lock should NOT be possible to open from the outside when the handle is engaged (lifted) on the inside, using another RADAR key.

However sometimes they are fitted incorrectly - if that happens, report it to the staff and ask that it is fixed with a correctly fitted RADAR lock (its because there are left hand and right hand locks, use them the wrong way round and it can be opened from the outside when 'engaged' inside).

To get into an engaged RADAR lock in an emergency, you use a flat head screwdriver or a coin in the slot on the lock, so this is not a feature, it is incorrect fitting.